Its Before not "be fore"

We're speaking English not Bingo.

My fore chief walks in

He said "I've got good news and bad news. The bad news is 41 children have died today in a fire. The good news is it was an orphanage and I don't have any parents to notify."

I'm a terrible golfer.

Just like my fore fathers.

My Gramps just passed away. This was his favorite joke to tell.

*Sorry for the meta of this, I'm still reeling a little. I post two or three (or ten--sorry for breaking rules) jokes on this sub every day. A lot of them are simply awful, but they're all original, and my Gramps was a huge inspiration for me becoming a comedy "writer." But this is an old joke, and ...

Angry Cowboy

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head ...

how many layers of skin is a Jewish man missing?

fore

Did you know horses have six legs?

They have two legs at the back, and fore legs at the front

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was born without eyelids

I was circumcised and my foreskin was used to create eyelids for me. The surgery was a success, I'm just a little cockeyed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, an excited young boy is visiting the docks when he meets an ACTUAL pirate!

This pirate is the real deal: parrot on the shoulder, peg leg, eyepatch, hook hand, sword on the hip. You could not imagine a more stereotypical looking pirate.

The boy runs up to him, squealing with delight. “Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh! You’re a real pirate!”

“Aye, laddie,” the ...

The Faltering Actor

There was once an actor who did Shakespearean plays, but had aged and long past his peak! After many years, he finds himself in the Halifax Theater in Canada, where they are prepared to give him a chance.

The director says, “This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk...

Farmer Fred's Pig

Farmer Jones got out of his car and while heading for his friend's door, noticed a pig with a wooden leg. His curiosity roused, he asked, "Fred, how'd that pig get him a wooden leg?"

"Well, Michael, that's a mighty special pig! A while back a wild boar attacked me while I was walking in the w...

A drunk German and Russian are walking around town with a sober Brit

After a few too many, the group decides to head home but the two drunks can't seem to walk in a straight line, bumping into everything in sight as the Brit keeps them from hurting themselves. Fed up with babysitting them, the Brit decides to have some fun.

The German and Russian first bump in...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The fastest thing in the world

Three old rednecks were sitting in their favorite bar. They'd been drinking for awhile when they started a lively debate on what the fastest thing in the world could be.

The first redneck says, "Well, I think the fastest thing in the world is thinking. 'Cause I can think 'bout a million thoug...

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A elderly man stops a car in a deserted highway holding a shotgun.

The person driving the car pulls to a halt and stepped out with his hands raised. It was already 2am and it was completely dark. The old man ask him to unzip his own pants and release his penis. The driver was shocked and did so fearing whats he gonna do. The old man asked the driver to jerk himself...

What do you call a four-legged animal that's lost both of its hind legs?

A fore-legged animal.

I was watching Trump the other day with my dad.

He put his hand on my shoulder and said "Son, once in every generation a man comes to the fore who stands up for his fellow citizens against the foreign lunatics of this world. Get the gun, we're going to America."

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The creation of a pussy, improved version.

Each man was a master-of-craft at his trade,


Now by God in his wisdom a task they'd been laid.


See them gathered together, by calling divine


to fashion a vulva of peerless design.


The first man, a butcher of eminent skill


took a hold of his bla...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy goes to see his doctor due to some mild discomfort down south.

Doctor asked What's your daily routine?
Well every morning the wife wakes me up with a blow job, I go down stairs for breakfast and the maid blows me in the pantry.
On the way to work I shag my chauffeur before she drops me at the office.
The secretary will meet me in the boardroom and scre...

A man went to college

A man from Alabama comes back to his hometown for a visit after his first year in college.

His friend meets up with him and asks what he learned from college?

Man: Well I learned biology for one.

Friend: Oh really? Speak in biology to prove it.

Man: Amoeba, nucleus, and ...

Apologies to any lawyers on Reddit

What do you call 100 dead lawyers on the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.

What do you call three lawyers buried up to their necks in sand?
Not enough sand.

How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?
Depends on how thinly you slice them.

A man was out golfing o...

Black Bart

A man rides into an old west town and he notices as he's riding up that there's no one around. He heads over to the sheriff's office and knocks on the door, when he does he hears a shout from around the building. As he rounds the building to see what's up he sees a man in the window, and is surprise...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know people who call their penis wood?

Can they say they have a two-by-fore-skin?

What do you call it when a golfer misses the hole?

Fore-play

On a scale of one to ten, guess how much I like golfing.

Fore!

Taking his son golfing

Mr. Smith was a bad golfer, but God help him, he still loved to play the game. One weekend morning, his wife couldn't look after their son, so he agreed to bring him along, and have him act as his caddy.

When they got to the course, he pulled his son aside and handed him a scorecard.

"...

How many points do you get if you hit a golfer?

Fore.

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