Nostrils Jokes - 38 Hilarious Nostrils Jokes

Why do gorillas have big nostrils

Because they have big fingers

Why do Gorillas have large nostrils?

Why do Gorillas have large nostrils?

Fat Fingers.

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A Teacher asks the students..

"Is it possible to insert 2 holes through one hole?"

Nobody is able to answer

Teacher: "You guys are so stupid. Go and ask your parents and come back tomorrow with an answer."

The next day too, nobody is able to answer the question.

Teacher: "Well, it seems your parents a...

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Why do black people have big nostrils?

Because air is free

Why do gorillas have such big nostrils?

Because they have big fingers!

Not mine. Told to me by my late grandfather, funniest pastor ever. :)

The guy with spoons up his nostrils

A man goes into a hotel, orders for a cold drink with a straw to sip it, and sits there with the handle of the tablespoons up both his nostrils. People find it weird, but he does it, every day.

It's about a month, and no one knows why he is doing what he does. Finally, the waiters decide that...

Granny goes to the doctor.

She tells the doctor:
Look I have a big problem.
I have so SO much gas, thankfully it is not loud or smelly, but I need something about it.
Doctor said: Ok ask the pharmacist for this medication, take 1 pill each morning and come back in a week.

So the granny goes in a week lat...

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What are the two most important holes in a womans body?

No!! Not them you dirty bastards!!!!

Its her nostrils...they allow her to breathe while she's sucking your dick.

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What are the two most important holes on a woman?

The Nostrils. So she can breathe while giving me a blow job.

*My 10 year old brother told me this today

Three men were about to be executed by a tribe of cannibals...

Their crime was trespassing. They didn't know that they'd tresspassed the tribe's grounds, and pleaded to be shown mercy. Surprisingly, the chief agreed.

"Go out into the forest, and bring back a fruit", the chief said. "You have thirty minutes".

The men were relieved, and went into t...

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A genie grants a man one wish

"Budget cuts" said the Genie.
The man knew he had to make it count.
He said, "I wish I knew the answer to every question I'm asked."
The genie gave a nod then disappeared into a cloud of smoke.

The man didn't want to immediately melt his mind with the answers to the universe. Startin...

One way to start the day.

I was washing my face this morning when I noticed that one of my nostrils was bleeding. It could be the sign of a heat stroke or third-stage lung cancer. Who nose.

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I heard this one today.

A man asks a woman:

*Do you know which two holes are the most important on a female body?*

**You pig! How dare you ask a lady such a question?**

*Well I'll have you know, it's the nostrils*

**Oh, I'm sorry, why is that?**

*So she can breathe while she su...

A joke one of my 3rd graders claims to have made up

Q: Why do Gorillas have big nostrils?

A: Because they have big fingers!

Batman is the Covid Vigilante

Given:
a) He covers his entire body except his mouth and nostrils
b) He’s a bat

Therefore:
He may be a superspreader.

A man enters a brothel...

he talks to the Madame and tells her:" I am an exceptional pervert, i have tried unimaginably disgusting acts, but now i have run out of ideas, do you have something disgusting and unusual for me?"
The Madame tells him to go to a room on the 2nd floor and talk to the girl there.
He goes to...

My Crush and I on our first date, and this happens:

He: You smell good!

Me, being the nervous fool I am: Thanks, *I use both my nostrils. *

At the doctors

A man shows up for his doctor's appointment with a piece of celery in each ear and a carrot in each of his nostrils.
He says to the doctor, "Doc, I'm not feeling well."
Whereupon the doctor replied, "Perhaps you're not eating right."

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A little lizard is walking along a tree branch...

Something wonderful hit his nostrils. It was unlike anything he had ever smelled before. He followed the scent to another branch where he saw his friend, the Koala Bear, smoking the fattest joint he had ever seen.

"Damn, K-Bear, that's the dankest weed I've ever smelled!" said the lizard....

My girl friend wanted a nose job...

So I tried. But her nostrils weren't big enough.

Cracked me up when I was 5, still cracks me up as an adult.

Why do gorillas have such big nostrils?
Because they have such big fingers!

We were at Kyle's place last week and had an idea

You know how everyone has occasionally had the great idea to try and snort assorted things? Like pixie stix and rock candy? That's where this story takes place.

Somehow the topic of conversation wandered to the effects of cocaine and other substances on the nostrils. The attention seeker of t...

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Two boys go on a visit to the zoo.

After wandering around looking at all the different animals, they finally make their way to the gorilla exhibit. One boy looks to the other, says "Watch this," and sticks his fingers in his ears and looks at the gorilla. To his friend's astonishment, the gorilla copies him. He then opens his eyes wi...

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A woman goes to the doctor... [NSFW]

A woman goes to the doctor and says "By Hubbanb li nadal deck."
The doctor is baffled and says, "I'm sorry, I can't understand you at all."
The patient takes a deep breath and tries to speak a bit more clearly: "My hubband like nadal decks."
The doctor realises what she is trying to say. "Y...

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The White Man, the Black Man and the Jew are summoned in front God

"It is time to chose your noses for your particular races", said God.

"White man, how would you like your nose to look like?"

"Where we live it's quite cold so I would like to have a long nose so that the air could be warmed up a bit when we breath in."

"Black man, how would you...

An explorer spent weeks scouring the jungles of Skull Island, hoping to see the legendary King Kong. One day, when he was all but certain that it was nothing but a myth, he came to a clearing - and right there before him, sitting pensively, was the imposing figure of King Kong...

The explorer glared at King Kong in awe, and approached him slowly. King Kong seemed to be quite passive, so the explorer slowly reached out and shyly touched him. But as soon as he made contact with the gorilla’s fur, King Kong went berserk. He immediately rose to his feet, began beating his chest ...

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Three roaches and a woman.

These three roaches all live among this dirty woman. Every now and then, the three roaches get together and shoot the shit. This time they convened at her belly button. Sitting around the navel like a campfire the roaches begin to speak.

The first roach says,
"God my home sucks. I live u...

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The Voodoo Dick

A man enters a sex shop, looking for a new toy to keep his wife busy while he goes on business trips. As a higher-up in his corporation, he tends to be away from home several times a month, and wants to ensure his wife stays faithful.

When he reaches the counter, he's shocked to see ...

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An intimidating cowboy rides into town on his horse...

This badass cowboy is riding a horse, alone, armed to the teeth, through the desert and comes across a wild west bar.

He hitches his horse and walks in...his boots thumping the floor. The room goes silent. This a guy no one wants to fuck with.

He sits right between two men by the bar, ...

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A state trooper pulls over a speeding car.

The trooper approaches the car and says “90 miles an hour in a 65, what’s the rush?”

The man in the car replies “I’m a magician and juggler at the circus and I’ll be late!”

The state trooper thinks for a minute and puts the man up to a challenge. The state trooper says “Alright, here’...

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gross and not PC, but funny...

A guy walks into a brothel, and the madam greets him at the counter. He explains that he would like to have a go, but he is a little short on cash. The madam points to a very plain looking woman sitting in the parlor, and says "Well, that's Brenda. She will cost you $20." The guy explains that he re...

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A traveller enters a mysterious looking hotel and is greeted by a rather attractive girl sitting behind the check in desk.

She smiles at him, exposing slightly crooked teeth and endearing dimples. "You can have me, right here, right now." She gestures to a door he hadn't noticed before and continues, "Or, you can carry on to success."

The traveller is a little nonplussed, a little flattered about being propositio...

My mother has an unhealthy fear of noodles.

It all started 5 years ago. I came home to find my mother covered in blood and in shock at the discovery of my father. He had been stabbed multiple times in a garish display akin only to the Manson and Zodiac killings. The police report determined the suspect was between 8-16 inches, slightly boiled...

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A Gargoyle, A Jinn, and A Dark Shaman are hanging out in a cemetery...

A gargoyle a jinn and a dark shaman are hanging out in a cemetery, close to midnight.

The shaman turns to the jinn and says,
"I bet my soul against your eternal servitude, that I can raise more corpses freshly dead within the past 10 years, than you can steal the souls of the living by gra...

An old man is traveling to a far off land, but is arrested in a city named Runnia along the way.

The townspeople of Runnia are convinced that he was the murderer of Barth F. Bradley, the local butcher. Though there is not much evidence of the claim, a witness claims he saw the old man leave Bradley's shop on the night of the murder. The townspeople, who were always suspicious of strangers, cons...

Aboriginal Rituals

A couple years back, I stumbled on a surprising reference to the astonishing longevity of Aboriginal shamans living in the Australian outback. Reliable birth records aren't available before the early 20th century, but government officials have noted an astounding number of nonagenarians and centenar...

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An old joke a good friend of mine told me.

There was a traveller going for a drive through some deep dark woods. At around 3 AM, he found an inn to stay at for the night. He went up to the front counter and asked the manager if he has a room available. "Yes, we have one more room up for rent. It's 10 bucks a night, you interested?" He takes ...

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In 1859, there was this German Chemist living in London, England.

One day he received a new batch of experimental powder from Columbia. Curious to find out what the substance was, he opened the package and it erupted in a puff of powder. After inhaling half the cloud the Chemist felt vibrant, energised and happy.

“I hast not seen ziss beefore”, thought t...

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