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Focused Jokes

We optical engineers are often called "narrow-focused" and "myopic".

But, when viewed through the right lens, we represent a diverse spectrum of light-hearted people.

A lot of people say John F. Kennedy was goal-focused and determined...

But, by the end of his presidency, his mind was all over the place.

I knew a man whose work focused specifically on designing draw bridges...

of course, this was before his suspension.

My wife thinks her latest copy of Indian Cooking Monthly is too narrowly focused

I think it's a naan issue.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I tried starting a unisex cooking group focused on fried foods

But no one will join me in "The Battered Men & Women's Club"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In Feudal Japan, 2 Samurai families are constantly at war...

One day, the eldest sons of the two Families got together and decided to put a stop to all the fighting and bloodshed between their clans. To the dismay of their closest relatives and companions, the two announce that they had agreed - they were going to have a duel to the death. The winner would b...

It's difficult, but Trump is still focused on keeping campaign promises during this pandemic.

Just a few more cases and Mexico will pay for that wall

My uncle is a general contractor primarily focused on the construction of new branch locations for credit unions and other financial institutions.

He makes bank.

They should have a class in school focused on getting a good night sleep.

Rest Ed

JFK wasn't a terribly focused president...

One convertible ride and his mind's all over the place.

Mark Zuckerberg published “a privacy-focused vision” for Facebook today.

Oh wait, it’s not April 1.

I had a trig teacher that could never stay focused...

He always went off on a tangent.



I don't know for certain, but it could be a sine of something serious.

A teenager is trying to decide where to go to college.

He's stuck at a crossroads between three schools - Harvard, Hampden-Sydney, and Alabama. To try and get some guidance, he asks his father,

"Well, what are my chances of getting laid at Harvard?"

"Oh, not good at all," his father says. "They're too focused on studying and working to hav...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On the one hand, I should be more focused on my job as a shark feeder at SeaWorld.

On the other h... FUCK!

I'm currently working on a management oriented book focused on the delegation of tasks

"I'll have my secretary let you know when my intern finishes writing it." - Mr. Manager


Cordially,

Mrs. Team Lead

[Walks into a bar] A forgetful women of three children walks into a bar, intensely focused on knitting a sweater for her eldest...

Whoops, wrong thread.

I got a new job!

I got a new job and my boss told me to give it the old college try. So I focused on work for the first month, then began drinking heavily and eventually just stopped going.

Doctor: You have a disease, but we can treat it.

Patient: What’s the Cure?

Doctor: It’s an 80s rock band fronted by Robert Smith, but let’s try to stay focused...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last night, my friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club....

One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a ÂŁ10 note. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the ÂŁ10 note and stuck it to his bum cheek!

Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a ÂŁ20 note. She called the guy back , licks the ÂŁ20 note, and sticks...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.

One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The t...

I don't believe in superstitious stuff, but these crystals I bought a week ago have been amazing.

I've been happier, more focused, and even started losing some weight.

Plus, I'm good friends with the guy selling them and I got them pretty cheaply.

Not only that, but he was nice enough to throw in a glass pipe to smoke the meth with.

A lawyer is driving his Ferrari...

...when suddenly he loses control and drives straight into a tree. A few moments later, another man pulls up beside him and asks him if he is alright.

"My Ferrari!" Cries the lawyer, "Its gone!"

The man says to him, "You're so focused on your supercar that you haven't noticed that your...

My grandpa died from a heart attack over the summer and I feel at least partially responsible.



He was having trouble navigating Amazon because they have so many different things available. I suggested that when he wants to buy something he should look for a more focused website so it's easier to find things.

But if it wasn't for me, during the heatwave back in August he never ...

I have a friend who was obsessed with the moon.

Lunar cycles, werewolf lore, eclipse dates, he knew all about them and then some. The really strange part was he focused solely on the moon in this way, no other part of space.

Made him easy to shop for though. Werewolf movies, moon pies, he'd love them just for being tangentially connected t...

As a hedge-fund manager gets out of his brand-new Audi, a truck goes racing by, taking off the door.

“My Audi! My beautiful silver Audi is ruined!” he screams.

A police officer on the scene shakes his head in disgust. “I can’t believe you,” he says. “You’re so focused on your possessions that you didn’t even realize your left arm was torn off when the truck hit you.”

The hedge fund ma...

Johnny

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Johnny was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. It was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it.

The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so The pastor ...

The Drums Must Not Stop

A man was exploring the African jungle and came upon a tribe of natives, their presence underscored by the distinctive and monotonous beating of drums. The man spoke with the tribe and they allowed him to stay with them and sleep on their grounds.

The first night, the man didn't sleep a wink ...

Just proposed and thought to myself..

I can no longer say “I’m really focused” now I have to say “I’m really engaged”

I lost my astronomy job at the observatory

No matter how hard I tried I just couldn't stay focused

A young man is vacationing in Spain…

… when he happens to wander into a pub populated entirely by tourists, most of whom are in the midst of playing some kind of trivia game.

The young man sits down at a vacant table and listens for a while, slowly realizing that the game is focused entirely on the many hotels, motels, and hoste...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Going to hell

Johnny died and arrived in Hell.

He was met by the Devil and was told that in the new kinder, gentler, more customer focused Hell, each person is offered three choices of torture.

The Devil explained that these tortures run in 1,000-year cycles and you could pick which cycle to begin w...

A man is on trial for murdering his wife, although a body has not been found. [long]

His lawyer says there is not enough evidence. "The ex-wife is not even dead, I am going to prove it to you, she is going to walk through the door in about one minute."

All eyes are focused on the door. A minute passes. Another minute passes. And another.

The prosecution says: "she didn...

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