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Fido Jokes

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FIDO!

This guy was dating a woman and they decided to go back to her place. When he arrived he had really bad gas and noticed a dog laid underneath a chair. He thought to himself that if he sat in the chair he could blame his gas problems on the dog. He sat down and let out a little silent fart and that w...

A man and a dog walk into a bar

Both get up on stools and the bartender says "sorry no dogs"

"But my dog can talk"

Bartender: "Prove it"

"Fido, what is the top part of a house called"

Dog: "Roof, roof"

Bartender (annoyed): "You're going to have to do better than that"

"Fido, what is the hi...

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Retrieving Sniffer

Police officers Rosa and Mary, had been assigned to walk the beat.

They had only been out a short while when Mary said, "Damn, I was running late this morning after my workout and after I showered, I forgot to put on my panties! We have to go back to the station to get them."

Rosa re...

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A man and his dog walk into a bar

A guy and his dog walk into a bar. The bartender says "I'm sorry guys, you'll have to leave. No dogs allowed."

The man says, "But mine talks."

The bartender says "Bullshit"

The man says "I'll bet you $10,000 he can talk."

The bartender says "Fine, prove it then. But if he...

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[Long] A boy is picking up his girlfriend for prom.

When he got to her house, the beans he ate for lunch beforehand were catching up to him and he began to have some gas. Her parents invited him in for dinner, and as he sat, he saw an opportunity: when the dog (named Fido) walked over to him, he would fart and it would seem like the dog did it. And j...

The Talking Dog version two

A man walks into a bar with a mutt on a leash.

The bartender says "Hey, Mac. We don't allow dogs in here!"

The man says, "But wait, he's a special talking dog. Can we stay if I can prove it?"

The bartender thinks for a second and says, "Fine, prove he can talk and I'll let you...

My mother bought a new kind of dog food for our pet.

Mom: Did Fido enjoyed his food?

Me: I don't know.

Mom: I thought you fed him and he finished his food?

Me: He did. But he never said he enjoyed it.

The Talking Dog

A man with a dog walks into a talent agent, and says "I have a talking dog, he'll be the biggest attraction in town". The agent is skeptical of course but tells the man to proceed.

The man says "okay, Fido, what's on the outside of a tree?", to which the dog replies "bark!"

The agent i...

A guy goes into a bar with a dog, the bartender says what are you doing here? The guy says, "I've got a talking dog here"

to which the bartender says "I'll tell you what, I'll bet you $10,000 that dog can't talk. But if he can't talk I'm going to throw the two of you through that plate glass window."

The man says "aright" and he sits the dog on the bar and says "Fido, what's on top of a house?" The dog says "r...

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My favorite talking dog joke

A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender tells him to get out, since the bar doesn't allow dogs. The man says "But this dog is special! He can talk, and he's yours for 500 dollars." The bartender is skeptical, so the man says "Fido, speak." Fido begins yammering his mouth off, saying to the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A soldier in World War 2 had just finished serving on the front lines...

On a crowded train ride back from Germany the man is trying to find a seat but alas there is none. Finally he comes along the only open spot on a train with a womans small dog sitting in it.

"Excuse me mam I'm very tired may I sit in that spot?" The man pleads.

"Ugh you Americans are s...

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