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Financial Advisor Jokes

Financial Advisor: "I don't quite know how to break this to you but you're basically broke." Wife: "He's always spending money on stupid stuff!"

Me: "Lets ask the dog if he thinks his jeans are stupid."

My financial advisor said that I need to be better with my money.

So I fired him.

what kink do financial advisors have?

an inflation kink

(thank you, thank you, i did make this one up myself)

My financial advisor asked me "What's your net worth?"

I said "I don't own a net".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just started a financial advisor/ credit repair company called Financial Fiber.

I help you get your shit together.

I was a financial advisor in the army...

One time a contractor approached me and asked if I wanted to buy some panzers that his company built.

I considered it for a while but remembered that the air force needed to get new fighter jets.

I turn back to the contractor and say, “sorry, but we just don’t have enough room in the b...

Guess who my financial advisor is going to be for halloween.

PENNY-WISE

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Top 10 Things That Prison Guards Hate

10) Inmates who don't flush after eating chili for lunch.

9) Coming up with one too many during a head count.

8) Having to break up a fight in the shower.

7) Being asked to be the bridesmaid when two inmates tie the knot.

6) Recognizing the newest inmate as your financial...

A group of cosmic rays establishes a stock trading company

A group of cosmic rays establishes a stock trading company. As energetic as they come, they start off with a bang. With a handful of eager young protons joining their ranks, they begin to see extremely positive gains in their investments in no time. They're making more money than they know what to d...

There once was a powerful king.

There once was a powerful king who wanted to hire a different court jester for each month of the year. His financial advisor said that it would be best to only get 11 jesters, and simply have one repeat months. The king agreed and 11 court jesters were hired.

Months roll by and everything is...

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