Ends Jokes - 52 Hilarious Ends Jokes

Trump ends up in hell...

Trump dies from the virus. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as...

What starts with W, ends with T and has two letters in between.

Just stating the obvious.

What word starts with "E" and ends in "E" but only has one letter in it?

Envelope.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What starts with “f” and ends with “k”?

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her more precocious students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what exactly is your problem?”
Harry answered, “I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she! I think I should be in the 3rd gra...

What starts with T, ends with T, but only has T in ?

Teapot

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A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun.

Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun. "Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dr...

My wife said to me, "What starts with 'F' and ends in 'K'"?

I said, "No, it does'nt"

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A man sunbathes in the nude and ends up burning his penis

His doctor tells him to ease the pain by dipping it in a saucer of cold milk. Later, his blonde wife comes home and finds him with his dick in a saucer of cold milk.

"Good heavens!" she remarks "I always wondered how you reloaded those things!"

What starts with P ends in S, and no woman can get enough of?

Pockets!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What starts with "Fuck" and ends with "You"?

Your mother's pregnancy.

What word begins with M and ends in arriage and is a mans favourite thing?

Miscarriage.

This joke never gets old, just like the baby.

What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter?

an Envelope
EDIT: My deepest Canadian apologies to those who are calling this a riddle. I always took it as a cheesy joke

My sister came up with this. What begins with a P, ends with an E and has a million letters in it

Post office

America should go 4 years with no president after this term ends.

Taking some time to be single after an abusive relationship is really important.

Who has no choice to strip to make ends meet?

Electricians

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“Susie asks, “Mommy, why do you always cut the ends off the sausages before you put them in the skillet?”

“Oh, that’s just the way my mother always did it. You’ll have to ask her.”
“Granny”, asks Susie the next time her grandmother visits. “Why do you and mommy always cut the ends off the sausages before you put them in the skillet?” “Oh, that’s just the way my mother always did it. “You’ll have to...

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A man dies and ends up in Hell.

A man dies and ends up in hell, Satan shows up and walks him down a hallway, explaining that he would choose his torment from a selection of doors.

The first door opens up onto a vast expanse and millions of people standing on their heads on concrete. This doesn't have much appeal so the...

What starts with f and ends with u c k

Firetruck you dirty language monster

What starts with 'p' ends with 'orn' and plays a major role in the film industry?

Popcorn

What has 6 letters, starts with 'P', and ends a sentence?

Parole.

Whats wet on the inside and hairy on the outside. It starts with 'C', ends with 'T', and has a 'U' and an 'N' in the middle.

Coconut.

What starts with O, ends with N I O N S, and makes Americans cry?

Opinions

What do you call this kind of jokes? (That ends with "What? What?")

Her: My lips are dry.
Him: Doesn't it hurt when you walk?
Her: What?
Him: What?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW What word starts with a 'C' and then ends with 'U-N-T'?

"Count"

you dumb cunt.

What do you call an argument that ends too quickly?

Agreegious.

The Teacher Asked the Class to Name Something that Ends in -Tor and Eats Things.

Gabe raised his hand first. He said, "Predator."

"Clever answer! They sure eat things!" The teacher told him.

Next, Dylan raised his hand. "Oh! I know! Raptor!"

"You are very smart! Raptors eat many different things," the teacher said.

Then, little Timmy answered. "Vibrat...

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what word starts with 'a' and ends with 'ss'

Amass.

Used in a sentence: The man who amassed lots of wealth has a wife with a nice ass.

Should you tie or stitch your loose ends?

Maybe sew maybe knot!

What country is at the ends of your femurs?

Two-knees-yeah

So I brought a world map and asked my wife to shoot a dart on it and wherever it lands, I will take her there for two weeks when pandemic ends.

It's her day 5 behind the fridge.

A train conductor kills 2 people and is sentenced to the electric chair...

A train conductor ends up killing two people while on the job. He is found guilty and sentenced to the electric chair. When the day comes, he is asked what he would want for his last meal, and he requests a banana. After finishing his meal, he is strapped to the chair and electrocuted. However, by s...

I want to design a pencil with an eraser on both ends.

People say it’s pointless though.

Do you know any words that end in AT?

Man 2: Gnat does.
Man 1: what does?
Man 2: yeah, what ends in AT.

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My friend said his pride ends at 250k to suck a dick.

I’d argue it’s when it begins.

A beautiful blonde woman ends up sitting next to a professor on a plane.

He's amused by her ditzy attitude, and the two start playing a trivia game. The blonde agrees to pay a dollar for every question she gets wrong, and the professor, feeling pompous, offers to pay a hundred dollars for his incorrect answers.

After missing the first question, the blonde asks so...

My girlfriend asked me to tell her all my previous girlfriends, chronologically. From beginning to end.

OK. I probably should have finished when I got to her name.

I know how the Force Awakens ends!

Credits.

A man dies and ends up at the gates

A being shows him an elevator and explained "on the first level, you will see a woman. You can choose to get off, or continue upward"

So he goes to the first floor and sees a woman, who isn't very attractive. She says "you can choose to get off, or carry on to success"

The man continue...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Every Friday, Ms. Jane ends class a little early...

and plays a game with the kids. She will read off famous quotes, and if one of the students in her 5th grade class can correctly name who said it, they get to leave school a little early. Today the quotes would come from US Presidents. She saw Tommy, who always won this game, sitting in the back, at...

What begins with a P, ends with an E and has a million letters in it?

Post office

What word begins with the letter "F" and ends in "UCK"?

Firetruck

All this talk about hoping 2020 ends!

Even though its cursed, we can't let it defeat us. That would mean 2021.

A man ends up in a 30-year coma.

After waking up, he receives a phone call from his bank.

He hears: "Dear Mr. Johnson, we are sorry to say that due to recent economic events, the total value of your investment portfolio is $950 billion."

The man, thrilled to hear that, goes to the hospital bar to get a coffee as soon ...

Did you know that when ants are young, they have small appendages at the ends of their legs?

They lose them as they get larger, and they also begin to produce the same proteins found in milk.

They lack toes in taller ants.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man dies and ends up in hell.

Satan greets him and tells him ''I will show you three doors. You will go trhough one of them and stay there for eternity''

The man nods and Satan opens the first door. There, he sees thousands of people, standing on their heads on hard wood. The man says ''That looks highly unconfortable, sh...

A lawyer dies and ends up in hell.

“There must be some mistake,” the lawyer argues. “I’m too young to die. I’m only 42 years old!”

“Just 42? That doesn't sound right.” says Satan.

The lawyer says, "Thank you so much, this must be some kind of mix up."

"Ah, here we have it," says Satan. "According to our calculati...

There's something a lot of girls want, that guys have below their waist. It starts with p and ends with s

Pockets

Today I learned that Johann Sebastian Bach had to perform at weddings to make ends meet...

Turns out he was pretty baroque after all.

How do the long friendships end?

Madhu was breast feeding her son, while her best friend Sheila was sitting near her.
Madhu asked , "Does my son resemble me or his father?"
Sheila replied, "He looks like you but he sucks exactly like his father."

A farmer got an idea for how to make money off his farm in the off-season. He had a huge property all bounded by a big, white fence end to end. Along that fence was an old country road where few people drove. He decided he would set up a Christmas light display.

It took him some time to gather all the lights necessary, but eventually through the sweat of his farmhands and an absurd number of extension cords, he was finished. When sunset came, the first car to come down that road got an amazing sight.

The entire fence was covered in lights! Fenc...

Even if the universe ends with a Big Freeze

We'll be 0K!

What's a four letter word describing a female that ends in -unt?

Aunt

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