Fend Off Jokes - 7 Hilarious Fend Off Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Inigo Montoya finally catches up with the six-fingered man in a monastry in Tibet. He finds him red-robed and shaven-headed sweeping the temple courtyard.

"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." he says, drawing the six-fingered sword

The six-fingered man sighs and lowers his arms "I am prepared, my son. I have been freed from Earthly desires and acheived inner peace. I wish for nothing more than to move on to m...

The little black box

A couple was married for 23 years and were very open and honest with each other. The only exception to this was the woman made her husband promise to never look in her little black box.

One evening he could no longer fend off his curiosity, he opened the box. To his surprise he found 1 quarte...

Sir, why do you ask for a red shirt before battle?

In the days when tall wooden ships sailed the high seas, there was this one ship sailing during a war. That morning, the lookout shouted, “Enemy ship on the horizon.”
The captain said to his ensign, “Get me my red shirt.”
The ensign, rather bewildered by this odd request, did as his captain or...

A couple decide that they need a guard dog

So the guy goes to a pet shop and says to one of the employees “I need a guard dog to protect my apartment”

The employee responds “I have the perfect dog for you”, she then showed him a chihuahua. The man was not impressed and said “I need a dog that can guard our house and fend off burglars,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Introducing: The Karen Infection Collection toy line!

*Wheeze with laughter through your ventilator as you watch your children make short-term memories with... The Karen Infection Collection!*

*They'll love spending their last days playing with their new favorite toys, like Protestor Pete - who comes with accessories like a vial of crocodile tea...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex advice from Janet Reno

Hillary Clinton is having lunch with Janet Reno at Chipotle one day. She complains to Janet that Bill is just insatiable in bed, and sometimes wishes she had a way to deflect him.

Janet tells Hillary that whenever a she needs to fend off amorous advances, she farts as loudly as she can, and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Melania is talking to Janet Yellen at a party...

They talk about the the improving economy, the Fed, whether quantitative easing really was a good idea, about how Janet will be retiring soon. They have a few drinks and Melania becomes less guarded. Janet asks Melania about the hand slap incident on the tarmac.

Melania: Donald can be such a ...

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