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Farmer's Market Jokes

*Farmer's market* Wife: I'm buying these vegetables for my husband. Have you sprayed these with any poisonous chemicals?

Farmer: No madam, you'll have to do that yourself.

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A man was stopped at a farmer's market

When he comes across a stand advertising peaches of every flavor, he asks the owner "do you really have peaches in every flavor?" to which he responds "I sure do, what flavor are you looking for?" Doubting the owner the man asks for peanut butter and jelly, the owner selects a peach and hands it ove...

Why did the man get banned from the farmer's market?

He got caught taking a leek.

Why was Dr. Dre kicked out of the farmer's market?

He kept dropping the beets.

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A farmer goes to the local farmer's market to try and sell his bull. A stranger comes up to him to inquire about the animal.

Stranger: Is your bull good at breeding?

Farmer: Of course he's good. Shit, he's even too good! He tries to mount every single cow, horses, donkeys, sheeps, etc. There's not an animal on that farm he hasn't tried to fuck yet.

Stranger: Then why are you selling him?

Farmer: Becau...

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A man goes to the farmer's market

He is checking out some fruit when a vendor starts talking to him.

Vendor: Hey man, I got some special peaches back here that taste just like pussy.
Man: Ha! Bullshit!
Vendor: No really man, here, try one for free.

The vendor then hands the man a peach from a box behind the regul...

French sense of humor

So me (not a German, but was living in Germany those days) and a colleague (who is French and lives in France too) were "on-site" in Austria visiting a customer. After the work day was over we went to a nearby farmer's market just for a stroll. We saw some lovely and cheap lemons there and I wanted ...

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[Long] An ex-CIA operative named Arti had a younger sister always getting into mischief...

Arti's sister was beautiful, you see. She would use her looks to get things she wanted, but when she got in over her head, she'd always fall back on big brother Arti's special set of skills to help her out. And since he retired early (after becoming partially disabled saving the President's life fro...

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Joke I heard in middle school [1990] and is still funny

A man gets sick of the rat race and decides to retire to farming. Goes to farmer's market to buy livestock. Goes to buy a hen. Seller says, 'Here ya go but here in the country, we call that a poullette (pullit). Man says, 'Okay.'

Man Goes to buy a rooster. Seller says, 'Here in the country...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

Joe Biden:...

A pimp is on the streets trying to pimp out his ladies...

There is one of his ladies in particular who is worried she won't be able to pay her bills and the pimp is also worried for her. So he decides to fancy her up in this beautiful dress and personally take her onto the streets to try to get her a customer. After hours of spruiking to potential customer...

Dip Chip Anyone?

A man answers an ad for a sales position. The hiring manager says "We sell toothbrushes. You'll be on a 30 day probationary period. In that time you need to sell at least 100 units on average each week. If you make that goal you'll be hired on full time."

The man agrees and starts work immedi...

An inspiring true story about my friend's grandmother.

I'd like to tell you a little-known, but inspiring and true story that involves my friend Jake's grandmother.

Her name was Erica. She lived a typical grandmother life, knitting, spoiling her grandchildren and puttering around.

But despite having lived a full life before retiring, she w...

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A walk on the beach

On my first (and so far only) visit to Hawaii, I was staying at a beautiful little cottage outside Hilo. There's a neat little place called Uncle's Awa Club, where they hold a farmer's market, live music, food of all kinds... Right in the lava zone, very remote.

I'd read about one of the boot...

The Old Man and the Chef

One day, an old man is out for a walk. His walk happens to take him through the local farmer's market, where a chef had set up a booth to make the freshest seafood he could.

As the old man walked by, the chef pulled a still living fish out of a tank of water and set it on his cutting boar...

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