An Irish dad calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing.”
“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams.
“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says. “We’re sick of each other and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”
The son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “...
Rabbit walks into a clothing store ..
Rabbit walks into a clothing store. Clerk says to the rabbit 'may I help you, sir?'
Rabbit says 'yes, I'd like a tossed salad with croutons, ranch dressing on the side.'
Clerk looks bewildered and responds 'uhhh, we don't have salads here.'
Rabbit says 'oh really? Then make...
Carlin had some great one-liners.
“World ends tonight. Film at 11:00”
“Dog explodes on Main Street. Man overcome by fur.”
Scientists have invented a bomb that explodes when the temperature hits absolute zero
It's called the "0K Boomer"
Trump explodes in anger as he's refused entry to nativity scene
Proof once and for all that he's unstable
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A DEA agent stopped at our farm yesterday.
“We are going to need to search your land for illegally grown drugs.”
I said, “that’s fine, but don’t go into that field over there. You won’t like it.”
Agitated by this, the officer explodes saying, “do you see this god damn badge son?! This badge means I can go where I please, when I...
What do you call something that explodes at -273.15 degrees Celsius?
0 K boomer
If I remember correctly, the game “Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes” had a very brief stint of enormous popularity out of nowhere.
No one was talking about it, and it exploded onto the scene.
What do you call an orange that explodes, but comes back?
What do you call a dinosaur that explodes?
Well I don’t know but the Dinomite.
What comes out when a cheese factory explodes?
A member of the Senate, known for his hot temper, explodes one day in mid-session and begins to shout,
“Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!” All the other senators demand that the angry member withdraw his statement or be removed for the remainder of the session. After a moment to think, the angry senator apologizes. “I’m sorry,” he says. “What I meant to say was half o...
What happens when a cheese factory explodes?
De-brie goes everywhere.
When your grandpa throws a nokia and knock you out, but you throw a note 7 and it explodes.
The future is now old man
I use Microsoft's search engine on my laptop & it explodes. So I take it to the Italian repair guy
He says "What's the problem with your computer? Please keep it brief" I say "Bad-a-Bing Bad-a-boom!"
Corporal Bread is patrolling through the jungle when suddenly his squad gets ambushed. An incendiary grenade lands by his feet and explodes in a ball of flame. Private Panini exclaims, "Is he dead?!"
The sergeant sombrely replies, "He's toast"
A man goes to see an impresario
and says "Got any job openings?"
"What do you do?" asks the impresario.
"Bird imitations," says the man.
"Do me a favour!" explodes the impresario. "Bird imitations went out in the 1970s!"
"Fair enough," says the man
...and flies out of the window.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
I heard that when a male bee has sex, it explodes and dies.
At least they go out with a bang.
What grows when you squeeze it, explodes if you rub it too hard, and children love it?
A balloon animal!