A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party.

He doesn't know what costume to wear in order to not draw attention to his head or his leg, and he has a month to prepare so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later he receives a package with the following letter:

"Dear Sir:

Please find enclosed a compli...

So, I went to one of those new axe-throwing bars this weekend.

Expectedly, they make you sign a waiver and listen to an employee give a brief safety demonstration.

She got to the part where she emphasized to not drop the axes, as the establishment is not a fan of people missing toes. I can relate.

I, too, am lack-toes intolerant.

My kind of guy

A new retirement home opened up in the community with separate floors for men and for women. After the first few weeks of being open all the residents were called into the recreation room so staff could explain the rules. It was emphasized that after hours there would be no men on the women's floor ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to the class

He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing the class, and that there would be only two acceptable excuses for being late. Those were a medically certifiable illness or a death in the student's immediate family.

A prankster student in the back of the classroom waved ...

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