UPJOKE
stressram homepress homeemphasizepunctuateaccentuateunhouseddrivedrivennessfordrivewithdriveoutdrivedrivinglydriveabledriver

Drive Home Jokes

A man drives Home from a Firefighter-Party.

He is a bit loaded , so he drives very carefully to not get any Cops attention.

But its not enough and he runs into a Patrol.

Policeman:"And where do you come from?"

Man:"Im driving home from a Firefighter Party, yes im loaded and im sorry...."

The Policeman cuts him off:...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A married couple are driving home from a party one night, and they run over a badger..

They pull over, and realize the badger is still breathing but it's injured and freezing cold. The husband says "Put it between your legs to warm it up while we drive home." The wife replies "But it's all wet, and it smells disgusting!"

The husband says "Plug his fucking nose then!"

An old woman called her husband during his drive home

Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 90, Please be careful!"

Herman said, "It's not just one car. There’s bloody hundreds of them!"

A lady calls her husband while he's on his drive home...

She says:
Harold, I want you to be very careful on the ride home. I just heard on the radio that there's a car driving the wrong way on I-95.

Frantically out of breath, her husband replies:
It's not just one car, there's hundreds of them!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had a lorry driver right up my arse the entire drive home

Was nice of him to give me a lift though

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last night I was too drunk to drive home from the bar, so I took the bus.

Now my wife wants to know what the fuck a bus is doing in our driveway.

So does this policeman.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man tells his Mom he’s gay

A young man decides that the upcoming holiday is a good time to tell his Mom that he's gay. He's in college, making new friends, and will eventually want to bring one of them home to meet the family. He spends the drive home going over the conversation, what he'll say, what she'll say, how he'll ans...

I noticed a car following me on my drive home

I don't know why they thought they'd get away with it, the flashing lights made it really obvious.

A man and his wife retire after working at their respective jobs for 40+ years and settle on a nice ranch out in the country

The wife asks if she can adopt a cat since all of their kids have grown and moved on, so she was having some empty nest syndromes going on

The husband agrees and they adopt a cat from the local shelter

And this woman adored the cat, lavishing all kinds of love onto the animal

Un...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man dies and goes to Hell.

Satan greets him.

Hey. How's it going?

Not good. I just found out I'm in hell.

I know we have a bad reputation but it's not that bad. It's actually quite fun down here. Did you ever drink when you were alive?

Of course.

Well, Mondays, you can drink as much as you ...

You know that feeling when you've had a long day at work, you drive home and nothing is going your way?

It's probably because you're driving in the wrong lane.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.