Where do cats go for fun?

An a-mews-ment park

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For women, having sex is like buying a mew car.

They ask basically the same questions:
-Is it loyal?
-Is it worth it?
-Is it good?
-Is it gonna kill me?

But for men it’s like finding a parking spot:
-It’s open, why not
-I have to pay? Nevermind I’m out
-It’s handicap? A quick one then I’m going out

Montana has the best lovers

My favorite jokes about the insane amount of sheep loving that occurs in Montana from when I grew up:

1. What is the hottest selling clothing accessory in Montana? Velcro gloves. *wpsh* *wpsh* *BAaaAah*


2. Why do the mountain men always make love to the sheep on the edge of a clif...

What do you call a kitten that lost their tongue?

Mew-t

Two cats are stuck on a roof. Which one falls off first?

One with the smaller mew.

Why are cats such great singers?

They're very mew-sical!

Everybody seems to like cats on Reddit.

Maybe it's because they sort by mew.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a sexually abusive Pokemon?

# MewToo

How does a cat land on its feet and fit through small places?

Mew-tonian physics.

There are two kittens sitting on a steep roof. Which one falls off first?

the one with the smallest *mu*

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.

.

.

.




**Preemptive explanation:**

Coefficient of friction. The coefficient of friction (COF), often symbolized by the Greek letter µ (pronounced *mew*), is a dimensionless scalar value which describes the...

interviewer: yeah, you're not getting this job.

me: what? why?

interviewer: your resume just says "caught all 151 original pokemon"

me: ...and?

interviewer: that's ridiculous... -_- ...there's no way you caught Mew.

What makes Mewtwo throw up?

The Sound of Mew Sick.

[religion] Pat Robertson is on his way to buy some Depends.

As he's walking down the street, he sees a small boy sitting on the curb with a box of newborn kittens. He looks in the box of squirming, mewing kittens, and tells the boy "Those are about the cutest kittens I've ever seen!"

The boy smiles and says "Thanks! They're Christian kittens."

...

What do you call a cat that barks??

Fake mews.

What's it called when a cat meows for food when their bowl is half full?

Fake Mews

You know why you should never trust Russian Pokemon?

Fake Mews.

[OC] Three little kittens are sliding slowly of a slanted metal roof. Which one hits the ground first?

The one with the littlest mew.

(This is a physics joke, by the way. I posted it to /r/physicsjokes shortly after I wrote it, but I thought I'd try here)

Because of my cake here are a few physics jokes...

1.) Two kittens are on a roof which one falls off first?

The one with the lowest mew.

2.) what happens to electrons and they lose all the energy?

They become Bohred

3.) People call me lazy but I am just overflowing with potential energy.

4.) Did you hear about th...

Donald Trump never lifts trucks

He doesn't believe in fake mews

What’s a European cat’s favorite breakfast?

Mews-li.

What's the most average Pokèmon?

Mew.

Cat jokes

#10

 

Why does a tiger tell the truth?

Because he isn't a lion.

 #9 

If there are ten cats on a boat and one jumps off, how many cats are left on the boat?

None! They were copy cats!

 #8 

Why did the cat run from the tree?

Because it was...

What do you call a disobedient feline pirate?

A mew-tineer!

And what do you call a genetically altered cow?

A moo-tant, of course!

Dead Duck

A woman brought a very limp duck in to see a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.


After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said,
"I'm very sorry, but your duck has passed away."
...

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