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2 dung beetles meet

1st one asks; “How’s it going?”
2nd replies; “Same shit, different day.”

A snail saw a slug looking sad whilst watching a couple of beetles scurrying about having fun.

"What's up mate, life in the slow lane getting you down?", asked the snail.

The slug just looked at him and replied, "No. Surely it's obvious why I'm so down? I've had my home repossessed!"

I put Truck Nuts on my fleet of Volkswagen Beetles

And now I have genital Herbies.

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Q: How much juice could a Beetlejuice juice if a Beetlejuice could juice beetles?

A: A Beetlejuice would j... ohhh shit

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Do you think only sadists drive VW Beetles?

Just to drive around and watch strangers punch each other.

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One dung beetle walks into a bar and nobody cares...

A hundred dung beetles walk into a bar and everyone loses their shit.

Biologists say Beetles have 6 legs.

They forgot about Ringo.

What's got two legs and lives off dead beetles?

Yoko Ono.

Why are beetles not in church?

Because they are in sects

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Two dung beetles go out for lunch

They went into a restaurant and came out five minutes later.

They went into another place and as they're eating, one says "this is good shit"!

The other replies, "yeah, that last place was crap".

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Why are dung beetles so patient?

They're used to dealing with your shit

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The Blue Whale's Testicles are the size of Volkswagen Beetles.

That's nuts.

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IDK why some people find dung beetles repulsive. They build their own houses, they work for their food, they don't bother anybody

Seems to me like they really have their shit together

What would it take to reunite the beetles?

Two bullets.

What do you call a gang who drives around in Volkswagen Beetles ?

Thugbugs

Every year you swallow ten beetles in your sleep!

That's what my gastroentomologist told me.

Why can't Africa have Volkswagen beetles?

Because an elephant will screw anything with a trunk in the front.

Thanks to a random guy outside of a 7/11.

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What’s yellow and lives off dead beetles?

Yoko Ono.

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The Beatles have reformed and have brought out a new album. It’s mostly drum and bass.

The Ivory Throne of the King of Timbuktu

Hundreds of years ago, when glorious Timbuktu was nothing more than a large collection of grass huts, the King of that great city declared his wish for a throne fit for such a mighty ruler. Of ivory it was to be, exquisitely carved, inlaid with gold leaf, decorated with diamonds and emeralds and sap...

An etymologist, an entomologist, and an etiologist walk into a bar.

"What'll it be?" The bartender asks.

"I'll have a beer," the etymologist says. "A word which comes from Latin *bibere*, meaning "to drink".

"I'll have a Campari," the entomologist says. "It was originally dyed with crushed beetles!"

The bartender gets them their drinks. "And for...

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A guy goes into a record shop

and says "do you have any sound effects albums of insect noises? Crickets, cicadas, beetles, that sort of thing?"

Store guy: "yeah only this second hand vinyl, should be perfect though."

Guy buys the record but he's back to the shop within the hour, says "sorry mate this record is no...

The king of the insect kingdom is feeling depressed...

So he asks his advisors for help. The king says, "Oh, advisors, I am feeling quite sad. Our life is so short as insects and we don't do anything but work!"

The advisors tell him that he needs to find the best joke ever to cheer him up. The king thinks this is a good idea so he travels the kin...

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A billionaire decides to build a palace

A billionaire decides to build a palace to bring the best musicians of the 60’s together in one place. After a year of hammering, sawing, and painting the palace is finally finished. It’s perfect – marble, chandeliers, and concert halls; dozens of swimming pools and tennis courts. Excited, the billi...

A zombie is checking for an overseas flight...

At the security check the TSA is scanning his luggage, running him through metal detectors, etc. Finally, an attendant stops him at the gate.

"Sir, you're absolutely crawling with bugs. You're going to have to store those un your suitcase or ship them separately."

"Oh, no, it's okay." ...

There are two cavemen sitting by a fire... [OC]

One is eating some bugs he found, and he says to the other, "You like beetles?"
and his friend says, "No, *CRUNCH CRUNCH*, me more of a stones guy."

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This guy walks into a Mercedes agency and asks for the top executive model.

Money is not an issue, but the car has to have everything installed. And he means EVERYTHING he is not joking. The company goes and install usb sockets for each passenger, a blue tooth operated coffee machine (with proper grinder, not that bullshit with capsules), a GPS tracking got each wheel and t...

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