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I'm a Leprechaun!

A man was at a club and after several drinks, of course he had to go to the bathroom. When he started relieving himself in the trough, he noticed a dwarf a few feet down the trough. He glanced down and saw that the dwarf was hung like a horse.

“Damn! How does a little guy like you have such a...

A Lesson in History

The king wanted to go fishing and he asked the royal weather forecaster the forecast for the next few hours. The palace meteorologist assured him that there was no chance of rain.

So the king and the queen went fishing. On the way they met a man with a fishing pole riding on a donkey, and the...

Teacher asks their class of children to come up with a sentence beginning with "I"

After a few children come to the front with predictable statements about having a cat or a certain toy, a child steps up and says
"I is-" and is immediately interrupted by the teacher,
"I *am*!"
She side-eyes the teacher, frowns and ignores her teacher, starting again
"I is-" aga...

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[long] A woman was starting to feel very self conscious about her drooping jaw line...

She decided to have a face lift done.
A few years pass and she begins to notice her skin sagging again. She gets another facelift.
The woman becomes addicted to having taut, young looking skin.
The plastic surgeon eventually gets fed up of seeing this woman and performing unnecessary fac...

That's Milk

Sometimes, I wonder what was going in the mind of the first person, who squeezed a pink, drooping part of a cow's stomach, saw a thick white liquid come out and declared,"I'm gonna drink this."

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Pamela Anderson goes to see her plastic surgeon

And asks him if he can be discrete about a surgery.

Of course, he replies, you've been a great client and your privacy is top priority.

She continues, it's just that this next alteration is a bit embarrassing, you see, as I'm aging, things seam to droop and get loose etc, and, well, my...

A man walks into a veterinary clinic

"My dog's head keeps drooping, so I would like to make an appointment," he says.

"Neck's weak?" asks the receptionist.

"Tomorrow would be better," he replies.

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An Italian guy goes up to his neighbor and says,

"Ey, Tony, you like-a woman with-a big, sloppy tits, that droop-a down this-a far?"

Tony says, "No."

He says, "You like-a woman with-a big huge ass like a dump truck?"

Tony says, "Hell no."

He says, "You like-a woman with-a big, thick-a moustache and she's a smell like ga...

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The hypnotist

A renowned hypnotist is attempting a mass hypnotism in a large auditorium. There are over 15,000 people there listening with rapt attention. The hypnotist pulls out a very nice golden pocket watch and holds it up for the entire crowd to see. He begins by saying:
"This is a watch passed down from ...

Middle Ages Joke

Flower: I will droop my petals a little.

Aspiring gardener: THOU WILT NOT.

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When I was 10

Around age 10 my dad got me one of those little badass compound bow beginner kits. Of course, the first month I went around our land sticking arrows in anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did you know that a 1955 40 horse Farmall tractor tire will take 6 rounds before it goes down? Tough sumb...

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Freighter carrying Viagra sinks in Lake Michigan

Now instead of drooping limply into Illinois, the Greatest Lake now projects majestically into Wisconsin.

An Archaeologist Found an Ancient Vase at a Dig Site...

and as he began to inspect the runes carved in it, he started dusting it off, and a genie came screaming out of it in rage.


"**Who disturbs my slumber**! I have been asleep for thousands of years, and *you* dare to wake ***me***? I should kill you where you stand!"

The archaeologis...

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