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Drinking Alcohol Jokes

A Serb, a Croat and a Bosniak are arrested in Iran for drinking alcohol.

The court sentences them to 10 whip lashes each, but everyone is allowed to make a special request beforehand.

First up is the Serb. "I request a pillow strapped on my back!" he says. After 2 lashes it rips apart and his back gets completely torn open.

Second up is the Croat. "I reques...

I am giving up drinking alcohol for the month of January.

Edit: I am giving up. Drinking alcohol for the month of January.

My science teacher caught me drinking alcohol

well it is a solution

My son told me that he was feeling hot while drinking alcohol

I said, "That's the spirit"

I gave up drinking alcohol on the 1st of January. It's better for your health.

And it's only one day a year.

So apparently drinking alcohol is illegal now.

Just got pulled over for it.

Drinking alcohol doesn't solve any problems.

But then again, neither does drinking milk.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Drinking alcohol-free beer..

..is like giving oral sex to your sister. The taste is the same, but deep inside, you know that something is terribly wrong.

Drinking alcohol is like calculus.

You have to know your limits.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is drinking alcohol gay?

Because when you are drunk, you can’t think straight.

If drinking alcohol causes memory loss,

what does drinking alcohol do?

I used to think drinking alcohol was bad for me...

So I gave up thinking.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex is just like drinking alcohol

at first it’s super exciting and fun but eventually it’s just something that’s necessary for procreation.

Why do astronauts always sit one chair apart from eachother when drinking alcohol?

Because they're at a space bar.

I went 14 yrs without drinking alcohol or smoking weed

Then I entered high school

I have read so many things about the impact of smoking and drinking alcohol

I think I will quit reading soon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did they tell Ted when he kept drinking alcohol instead of caring for his wife?

You're a dick Ted.

A Maulvi was standing outside a bar preaching...

A Maulvi was standing outside a bar preaching to people not to drink alcohol because it is haram.

Abdul said, "Maulvi Sahib have you ever tasted whiskey?"

Maulvi said, "No"

Abdul said, "Try drinking once.

At first, the Maulvi kept refusing, then s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three couples on vacation die together in an accident

They ascend to heaven and fly up to the Pearly Gates where St. Peter is waiting for them. The first couple floats up to St. Pete and the husband asks, “St. Peter, do we get into heaven?” St. Peter responds, “Unfortunately, sir, you spent your entire life in the pursuit of money, so much so, that yo...

They say rubbing alcohol fixes outside wounds, so what fixes inside wounds?

Drinking alcohol!

A young man was sitting outside a pub...

....having a drink and generally feeling good about life when out of absolutely nowhere he was struck across the face by a newspaper wielded by a furious nun. She began sounding off to him about the evils of drink.

"How dare you, you scoundrel! Have you no shame?! Drinking is a sin! Alcohol i...

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