UPJOKE
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My wife stormed into the pub last night as me and the boys were downing shots of Tequila

"You're coming home now!" she screamed.

"No, I'm not," I laughed.

She said, "I'm talking to the kids."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do all the doors in 10 Downing Street have handles?

That place already has enough knobs.

Putin, Zelensky and Biden are on board a plane.

Suddenly, the plane is losing altitude and they are about to crash. On board there are only two parachutes.


Immediately, Putin snatches a parachute and jumps out to save himself.


Biden takes the remaining parachute and gives it to Zelensky: "Save yourself, my friend. I am m...

Why couldn’t the lifeguard save the downing hippie?

He was too far out, man.

Three contractors bid to fix a fence at 10 Downing Street...

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at 10 Downing Street. One is from up North another is from Poland, and the third is a Tory Party Donor. All three go with a Tory Party official to examine the fence.

The contractor from up north takes out a tape measure and does some measuri...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Aussie and a Kiwi are sitting at a pub, downing a few beers, after a game of rugby.

The Kiwi turns to the Aussie and says, "Bro, if I shagged your wife over a railing and got her pregnant, would it make us related?"

To which the Aussie replies, "Dunno, mate, but I do know it'll make us even."

[NSFW] An American and a Russian walk in a bar...

“One beer, please,” asks the American before downing the beer.

“Da, two beer,” asks the Russian in response, downing both.

Not wanting to be outdone, the American ordered;

“Three beers and shot of whiskey, please,” before downing them all in quick succession.

Not one to b...

Paddy and Mick are driving an I.E.D toward Downing Street...

Mick takes a left onto a cobbled road. The car shudders and shakes violently.

Paddy: "Mick!! Slow down ya crazy man, you're gonna set the bomb off!!!"

Mick: "Oh calm down Paddy, I've got a spare one in the back!"

Carpenter needed for 10 Downing Street

The Cabinets falling apart

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