UPJOKE
haodingdingdongvaginananyongjinyunchunghuayuanjungtienchunjeong

Dong Jokes

A mailman notices a mailbox with the flag up

So, he opens the box and picks up the letter. He glances at it briefly to make sure it is stamped, and then puts it in his bag with his other letters. When he gets back to his office, the letter goes in a big bin with all of the other out-going mail. He thinks nothing of it, and finishes his day....

Dong. Ding Dong.

- James Bond's doorbell

If you receive an email with the title "DING DONG", do not open it!!!

It's the Jehovah's witnesses, working from home

The lion decided to invite everyone to his birthday party. But, him being the king, he ordered everybody to bring him meat as a present, or else he will hit them with his massive dong. And soon, the day came and all the animals lined up infront of the lion's cave with their presents.

The Wolf wanted to gift the King lamb, the fox had a chicken, the leopard an antilope, and so on...The lion greeted all of his guests and welcomed them to the party. Suddenly, the rabbit stood infront of him with a carrot. All guests went silent. The lion looked him in the eyes and said: " You know...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL Vietnam’s national currency is the Dong.

I mean I’ve heard of shit costing an arm and a leg but that just seems cruel.

What's six feet tall and has an enormous dong?

The liberty bell.

The only female that sucked my dong since years

has 2 wings and is a mosquito

2 word horror story

Prehensile dong

Why did the elephant paint his dong yellow?

To hide in the banana tree...

Whats the loudest noise in the jungle? ...The monkeys eating breakfast

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An eagle who had just been divorced went out looking for new love one day...

He was flying around, and on the ground he spotted a dove. He flew down,
had a bit of ding dong with the dove,
then flew away. The little dove laid there and said...

"I am a little dove, I've had a bit of love, but I liked it."

The eagle was still flying around, and on the ground...

When I was younger, I was given a choice: a good memory or a long dong.

I can't remember which I chose.

Ding Dong

"Hi sir, UPS, I've got a parcel for your next door neighbour"

"Oh then you've got the wrong house sir, he lives over there, bye"

Why potato ding dong?

Godzilla! (Can someone explain this to me? My 8-year-old told it to me and was really proud of it.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Honk Kong Dong

Bill had just returned home from a sales convention in Hong Kong. He spent his days at the convention and his nights in the Red Light district, and was now suffering from a painful and inflamed penis. He hurried to the doctor, who diagnosed it as the Hong Kong Dong and told Bill he would have to hav...

Which workers have the biggest dongs?

Meat packers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hey, you want to see my dong?

Pulls out Vietnamese bank note

What's the difference between a grandfather clock and grandmother clock?

The dong.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Several years ago, Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's dong is larger than the shaft.

The study took two years and cost over 1.2 million pounds. The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's dong is larger than the shaft is to provide the man with more pleasure during sex.

After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subjec...

The 2000 Chinese women's gymnastics team had to surrender their bronze medal after it was discovered that Dong Fangxiao was younger than the minimum age of 16.

They would've gotten away with it too if it weren't for those medalling kids.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Long] Old medical joke

A very sexually active guy went to the doctor complaining of pain when urinating.

The doctor sent him off for a number of blood, stool and semen samples, and when the result came back phoned the guy urgently and said "oh my god, you have 'Hong Kong Dong', you need to have your penis amputat...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was teased about my penis size almost every day of elementary school.

I got called names like teeny weenie, micro dong, and pickled pecker.

If it weren't for that, being home-schooled wouldn't have been so bad.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple are getting ready for a Halloween party.

The wife walks out with only a lemon hanging over her snatch. The husband takes one look and storms off to the kitchen and return with a potato on his dong. The wife says "what the hell" and the husband replies "well shit, if you're going as a sour puss then I'm going as a dictator"

How do you get a Twinkie pregnant?

Put it in a box of Ding Dongs.

Yo mama so poor

When people come to the door she gotta stick her head out and say “Ding, Dong!”

How can you tell the difference between a male door and a female door?

One has a ding-dong and the other has knockers.

How do you call a door bell with genitalia?

A ding-dong

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Super Sex?

So Grandads been living on his own for a while and on his birthday his son decides the old man might enjoy a hooker.

So he hires a really expensive, exotic hooker with curves in all the right places.

She dresses up nicely and shows up at Grandads door.

Ding dong.. Grandad ope...

[NsFw] What was Lorena Bobbitt's favorite form of mischief?

Ding dong ditch.

What does a flasher have in common with a Vietnamese ATM?

They both whip out their dong in public

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into the doctor's with an awful rash on his penis

The doctor asks if the man had been overseas recently, to which the answer was yes (he had just returned from a holiday in Asia).

The Doctor says "I'm sorry to tell you that you have Hong Kong Dong and your penis needs to be removed."

The man was shocked and extremely upset.
He left...

Did you see the news about the fight that broke out when they played the wrong national anthem for the winning team at the Asian table tennis finals?

The headline read "Hong Kong Ping Pong Sing Song Ding Dong".

[NSFW] Two women are discussing about their husbands...

Woman 1- It's been such an awfull week, first I burned my hand on the stove and then I found out my husband is 100% impotent.

Woman 2- What do you mean by 100% ?

Woman 1- Well... His dong isn't working anymore.

Woman 2- Relax, my husband is 300% impotent, you're doing fine.
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rat an an elephant are walking around when the rat falls into a hole.

The rat panics as the hole was deep and he couldnt get out. The elephant looks at the situation and offers help.

“I know this isnt’t ideal but youre gonna have to trust me”

The rat desperate and exhausting all other options he asks for the elephants idea

“Im gonna stick my pen...

(Translated from polish) During a math class, teacher was asking first graders how many watermelons could they lift if one of them weighted about 3kg

Teacher: How many watermelons could you lift Sarah?

-I can lift one watermelon in my hands.

Teacher: Very good. What about you Tom?

-I could lift two watermelons! First one in my left hand and second one in my right hand.

Teacher: Great! And you Jonathan?

-I could ...

A man was stranded on an island and was visited by a genie who gave him one wish.

3 weeks later rescuers found a corpse with a 3 foot dong.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When cybernetics are invented I want to replace my penis with a revolver

I could finally say I have a magnum dong

My dad tells this joke all the time. kind of long. enjoy

One day a young man with no arms walked into a church and told the pastor that he always wanted to be a bell ringer. The pastor looked at him and said, “my son, you have no arms to pull the rope and the bell tower is very high.” The young man pleaded with the pastor to give him a chance. Finally the...

What's a Jehovah's Witness's favorite snack food?

Ding Dongs

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After reading about Zelensky's massive balls all over the internet Putin calls up Zelensky to prove him wrong. They decide to meet up in Ukraine to put it to a test.

"He, who ejaculates most wins!" said Putin. Zelensky agreed.

First up, it was Putin. He began stroking his tiny member and after a few seconds, out came his seeds.

"100 millilitres!!" shouted someone from the back.

"Piss off, Trump. It's just 10 millilitres" said Biden who h...

I wrote a movie about a male sheep and his son enjoying a Hostess pastry.

I call it

*Ram, a Lamb, a Ding Dong*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three fourth grade boys get into a dick measuring contest...

The boys are white, black and Asian. They all three pull out their dongs and measure up. The winner ends up being the black dude by a long shot.

When the black boy goes home he goes up to his mom and says "mom! today I got into a contest with the boys where we measured our dicks and I won! Is...

What are Jehovah Witnesses' favorite dessert?

Hostess Ding Dongs!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know the inventor of the first dildo was Chinese?

His name was Hung Dong

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.