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Dined Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Not for the easily offended - my favourite politically incorrect joke...

Man is walking through park. He sees a girl in a wheelchair crying.
"What's wrong?" man asks.
"Never been kissed before" girl says.
Man kisses her and she goes home happy.

Next day man walking through same park. Sees girl in wheelchair again crying.
"What's wrong?...

What did the man say when he dined at a restaurant filled with bears ?

“The service was unbearable”

Why I fired my secretary today.

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy birthday!", and possibly have a present for me.

As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy birthday".

I t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Old Jewish Joke. Literally.

Abe and Rachel, both 91, lived in The Villages in Florida . They met at the singles club meeting and discovered over time that they enjoyed each others company.

After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Abe asked Rachel out for dinner, and much to his delight, she accepted.

They had...

Brown Pants

During the French and Indian Wars in North America, the French captured a British Officer during an engagement. Later that evening the French officers gathered and dined with the new captive.

After dinner the French commander asked their prisoner “Sir, we have been wondering why Brit...

Politician dies....

While walking down the street one day a Member of Parliament is tragically hit by a truck and dies.


His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.


'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter.


'Before you settle in, it seems there is a pro...

A vulture and his son

A long time ago, in a very flat place, there lived a teenage vulture named Red. He and his father were the only vultures around, and dined on the various animals that were hit by trucks on the highway. As most teenagers do, Red eventually got tired of his diet of dead things.

"Dad" he whined....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two women meet over a coffee.

"Ah, Marie, I haven't seen you in years, what's going on in your life?"

"I have met a charming and well-off young man half my age."

"Majestic."

"Indeed. He took me to Paris, we dined in the finest restaurant, bought paintings from the vernissage!"

"Majestic!"

"Once...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a guy meets a hottie at the hotel bar. After he pays for a few drinks she starts coming on pretty strong...

"Let's go up to my room..." she says, "I'm wined, dined, and ready to be 69ed!" Excitedly, he whisks her up to the room and the next thing you know they are ripping clothes off and making out furiously. They hit the bed, stuff their faces into each others genitals, and start going to town. After a f...

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