“I’ve spent so long trying to think of a synonym for ‘ambitious’ that I’ve given myself a headache.”

“Aspiring?”

“No thanks, I’ll just get some fresh air, that’ll clear it up.”

After years of hard work, an ambitious yuppie books himself on a Caribbean cruise.

He has the time of his life until the boat
sinks and he ends up on a desert island. A month later the man
looks out to sea and sees a gorgeous woman rowing to shore. He
asks her where she’s come from.

"I was shipwrecked last year," she says. "I’ve been stranded on the
other sid...

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When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits.

When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life. In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I ...

The Boy Scouts were out collecting bottles as a fund raiser. One ambitious but nervous young man knocked on a door and a sour-faced woman came to the door:

She: "What do you want, Sonny?"

He: "D-d-do you have any beer bottles for the Boy Scouts, M-m-m-ma'am?"

She: "Well! Do I look like the kind of lady who would drink beer?"

He: "S-s-sorry, Ma'am ... W-w-what about vinegar bottles?"

What's the difference between trains and ambitious lunatics?

None. They're both locomotives.

What did the ambitious baker with a speech impediment say to his young apprentice?

Nothing whisked, nothing gained.

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Ive been told I'm not ambitious enough....

I've been told I'm not ambitious enough.

If only there was an olympic sport for being a lazy bastard.

That bronze medal would be mine.

There was a young poet called Dinesh

There was a young poet called Dinesh

Who could start but never quite finish

He began so ambitiously

Continued deliciously

Then stopped

There was once an ambitious prince...

Born the youngest out of 4 brothers.

There was a heated discussion when all four princes were at an appropriate age for being candidates to the throne. But alas, how unfair fate is as our little prince was bested by his brothers.

At an early age he found himself planting seeds of envy ...

I knew a guy back in high school who was ambitiously racist...

He was voted Most Likely to Secede.

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News from School

Dear Mom and Dad,

It has been three months now since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing and I am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not writing before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. You are not to read further unless you are s...

An ambitious Chinese man named Hoo Ming wanted to run for president. He understood the problems that Americans faced every day and so he wanted to show everyone he planned to solve it by making it his slogan...

Hoo Cares!

What did the ambitious suicidal person say?

I'm going to kill myself, or die trying.

My cousin was one of the most ambitious people I ever knew. Unfortunately, he struggled with depression. His life motto?

"Gosh darn it, I'm going to kill myself, or die trying!"

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The good husband

Sheryl Sandberg: My advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. ...

Bank President

A Rolls-Royce pulls up outside the posh Beverly Hills Hotel and the doorman walks down to greet the new guests. There are only two occupants in the car – the president of the country's leading bank and his ambitious wife Julia. She gasps when she sees the doorman then smiles and greets him warmly....

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A guy climbs Everest...

At the middle a very sexy blonde stops him and asks:

-Do you want me or to succeed?

The ambitious climber replied:
-Succeed, succeed.

And continued to climb.

Only 100 m to the peak of the mountain, a gorgeous looking brunette stops him and asks:

-Do you want me ...

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The Jewish Samurai

There once was a powerful Japanese emperor who needed a new chief samurai. So he sent out a declaration throughout the entire known world that he was searching for a chief.

A year passed, and only three people applied for the very demanding position: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and...

A guy in a bar overheard someone say: "If you want to succeed you should go to this address..."

Ambitious as he was he immediately wrote down the address on a napkin and left.

It wasn't too late so he headed to the address and knocked on the door shouting "I want to succeed! I want to succeed!".

After a few seconds a guy opens the door an says:
"Ok man, ok... I'm Sid."

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The secret to success in the corporate world

A young professional parks his battered old car outside his office one morning. Stepping out, he sees the CEO sweeping into the car park in his brand new, sparkling, top of the range Mercedes S Class.

Starstruck, and knowing this company has an ethos of openness which means everyone is appro...

How the Internet started according to the bible.

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy. And Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto...

A small local zoo is losing business because it has a terrible track record keeping its animals alive.

The customers are noticing the sickly animals and they're not coming back.

In a desperate ploy the zoo decides to hire a new position. They hire an ambitious young man to dress up as a gorilla.

"It's an easy job", they explain in the interview. "Climb up and down the ropes, swing on...

Things need to know about me

A. Bad at grammar

B. Bad at titles

C. Grammar

D. Repetitive

H. Don't know the alphabet

5. Inconsistent

7. Don't know number line

12. Repetitive

237. Too ambitious

(239) Inconsistent

(6) Childish

(7) Easily distracted
...

Once upon a time in ancient Rome...

...There lived 3 very important politicians. Brutus was a schemer, and a very ambitious man. No one trusted him, but everyone worked with him. Julius Caesar was unpopular with the politicians of Rome, but the people loved him. Julius was a consul of Rome. Marc Antony was the third politician in ques...

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Why do men die first?

Why do men die first? This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but, now we know. It requires a bit of explanation.
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.
...

Dinner with Girlfriends parents..

Ambitious boyfriend visits a chemist store to buy some condoms for the evening..

The store owner recommends him some new flavoured and textured codoms and the guy talks at length with him on the evolution of condoms and finally buys a pack of six..

Upon reaching his girlfriends place i...

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A young reporter goes looking for a story...

An ambitious young TV reporter went to a small town, looking to get an interesting story for her editor. So she went to the mayor, and with the camera rolling, she asked him "anything exciting happen around here?"

"Well, last month this hot young woman got lost in the woods, so 100 of the tow...

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Blow

So, I was in a bad situation, lost my family, home, all of my money, I needed some cash. Due to this I decided to try my hand at burglary. Thinking big and ambitious I headed to London, to break in to some big mansions there. Finally got it all planned and found the perfect house. Night descended, s...

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