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Harder Jokes

These times are harder on people with disabilities.

My dwarf friend is struggling to put food on the table

What's harder the softer it gets?

Typing withw my peniuasd

9damnit!)

Of course men work harder than women

Women get it right the first time.

"Push harder", I shouted at my wife while she was in labor.

"Screw you" she screamed back at me.

Bit harsh I thought...... it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to the hospital!

What’s hard to get into, but even harder to get out of?

A shower in winter.

What gets harder the more you play with it?

A rubiks cube

If she wants harder, I can go harder. If she wants faster, I can go faster.

But if she wants deeper, she better be talking about philosophy.

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What does a penis and a Rubik's cube have in common?

The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

Every time he smacked my ass, I said "harder, daddy!"

And that is why my parents don't spank me anymore.

The only thing harder than diamonds

a redneck at his family reunion

Whats the difference between working hard and working harder

The emergency room

I took an astronomy class in college but it was harder than I expected.

I had to study day and night.

"Killing them with kindness is a lot harder than I thought"

said the assassin

You know if my grandpa fought harder

All these jokes would be in German.

Three dinosaurs are running across the desert when they stumble upon a magic lamp.

They rub it, and a genie appears.

"I have three wishes, so I'll give one to each of you," the genie announces.

The first dinosaur thinks hard.

"Alright," he says, "I'll have a big, juicy, piece of meat."

Instantly, the biggest, juiciest piece of meat he'd ever seen appear...

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We discovered my grandfather is addicted to Viagra

No one is taking it harder than grandma

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Lately, it's been getting harder and harder as each day passes by..

Which makes me think that this over the counter Viagra is legit.

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George claims that his dick is the "Hardest Dick In The World!"

George will pay anyone $5000 cash to anyone who can bring him something absolutely harder than his dick.


One man brings a basketball-sized boulder. George easily smashes the boulder with his dick. The man picks up the boulder pieces and angrily walks off.


A second man brings a ...

It's easy to convince ladies not to eat tide pods.

But it's harder to deter gents.

I'll let myself out.

Why is it harder for older dwarves to make rugs?

Carpet tunnel syndrome

Why is quantum physics so much harder than regular physics?

Because in regular physics, if something can go wrong, it will.

But in quantum physics, if something *could* go wrong, it will.

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Is it harder to be black or to be gay?

Well, if you’re black, you don’t have to explain it to your parents.

Until recently, I didn't think there was anyone harder to please than my wife

Then I started posting on r/jokes

I’ve seen a few jokes about dwarfs recently and I’m sick of it.

My girlfriend has dwarfism, and is kinder and works harder than anyone I know. She deserves respect and shouldn’t be treated so poorly by you lot.

In fact, to make it up to her I’m going to make her a lovely meal, pour her a glass of wine, and run her a nice hot sink.

What's harder than giving birth?

Apparantly remembering the four o's in r/woooosh

What snapped harder than Thanos' finger?

Gwen stacy's neck

Playing dodgeball with kids is much harder than it looks.

You have to use both your hands to throw them.

Who hits Houston harder?

Bobby Brown or Hurricane Harvey.

~Probably too soon.

Barbies promote unrealistic expectations of women’s bodies.

Women’s heads are much harder to put back on in real life.

My boyfriend and I always laugh about how competitive we are

But I laugh harder

A bus full of ugly people crashes...

A bus full of ugly people crashes. Everyone dies and goes to heaven, forming a line at the pearly gates. St. Peter is there and says, "Before you get into heaven, you get one wish." The first person in line says, "I wish I was beautiful!" Poof, they're beautiful, they get into heaven. The second guy...

It’s significantly harder for athletes to perform in todays temperatures

I’ve read in the newspaper that the Government has forbidden fans at sport events

Slapping someone usually wakes them up, but slapping them harder can make them fall asleep....

What if you slap them harder while they're sleeping?
They sleep 2x better?

Which is harder? Trying to read a doctor's handwriting or trying to read a programmer's code?

Trying to read a doctor's code.

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What activity is easier as it gets harder?

Pissing on the ceiling

Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?

Their days are numbered

"push push...harder.. you can do it.. little more!!" I was yelling at my pregnant wife..

But despite her best efforts,the car didn't start.

We can all agree that there is no exam harder...

Than the listening portion of the American Sign Language exam

You can pleasure your touchscreen if you know where to touch it.

>!ooh yes!<

>!mmm right there!<

>!that’s it!<

>!harder!<

>!Harder!<

>!oh!<

>!My!<

>!GOD!<

Future generations increasingly find it harder to receive sympathy as they get sick

My grandchild was sick the other day and I asked him if it was the flu.

“No, it’s the new COVID-69.”

All I could say was, “nice.”

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What's the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression fucks you harder

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what's harder than closing your blinds?

My dick as I watch you through them

For PC games, the harder you click the more damage you do.

I need to replace my mouse.

Why is harder to make toast in Australia?

Because Australian bread is damper.

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If you masturbate too much it becomes harder to retain information.

There was a punchline for this joke.

Not sure which is the harder part about being vegan

The discipline and focus it takes to eat that way, or the time and energy it takes to tell everyone you're a vegan.

Why is ordering a pizza harder than having a kid?

You can't accidentally order a pizza

Why are fish harder to catch in the middle of the day?

They are in schools

Why is school in Mexico a lot harder?

Because they have a lot of esé's

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A newly married couple visit a doctor.

The doctors asks, "What's the problem?"

Husband replies, "There is a bee stuck in my wife's vagina."

Doctor asks, "How the hell did it get in there??"

Husband, "I'm not sure, but maybe one of the bees, from the beehive right next to our house, happened to get in there, when my w...

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Pump a little harder.

There was once a woman who worked a farm with her daughter. The woman tried to teach her daughter all about the ways of the farm. Her first task was churning butter.

The mother would always have to remind the girl to "pump a little harder". She would find herself telling her daughter to p...

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The trip to Bethlehem was actually harder on Joseph than Mary...

... Because she was riding his ass the whole trip.

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A prostitute standing outside a motel in a small town saw an elderly man walking past. She hasn't had a customer in a while, so she calls out to him

"Hey, would you like to have a fun time with me?"

The old man said, "But I won't be able to..."

"Aww... give it a try... "

Old man says okay. They go in. The old man whips out his dick and fucks her harder than he had in decades, and for 30 minutes!

When he's done, the pr...

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What's harder to pull out of than Iraq?

Bristol Palin.

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"You don't have to press the buttons harder to go faster"

Said no gamer ever.

Never F#@k With Oldies...

“Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.
...

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What's harder than nailing a baby to a tree?

My cock while doing it.

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This is the first dirty joke my dad ever told me

So Dopey and the other seven dwarves go to visit the pope. Doc goes up to the pope and asks, "Pope can you tell me, are there any dwarf nuns in the Vatican?"

He thinks for a moment. "No", he says, "There are no dwarf nuns in the Vatican."

The other dwarves chuckle.

"Well can yo...

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Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall bought new shoes for her wedding. During the big day they became increasingly tighter and tighter as the day went on.

That night, when the festivities were finally over and they retired to their room, she flopped on the bed and said, "Charles, darling, please remove my shoes, my feet are killing me..!"

Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales attacked her right shoe with vigor, but it would not budge.

"Harde...

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An old farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine.

It so happened that the equipment arrived when his wife was away. He decided to test it on himself first. He inserted his penis into the equipment, turned the switch on and voila, everything else was automatic!
He really had a good time as the equipment provided him with much pleasure. When the f...

Hiding an erection isn't as easy as you may think...

It's harder than it looks...

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A young man went into confession crying, and told the priest:

“Forgive me father for I have sinned”.

“What have you done?” asked the priest.

“A few weeks ago I went to the library. I remained there until closing time and when I was about to go home, rain started pouring down. It was so intense I had to wait in the library. I had waited for a wh...

If a light sleeper sleeps lighter with the light on, does a hard sleeper sleep harder with...

the window open?

From my 88 year old grandma

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Why do men find it so difficult to solve puzzles after taking Viagra?

Because they just keep getting harder and harder.

I had to quit my vegetarian diet

Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.

I, for one, support these crazy killers dressing up like clowns.

It was a lot harder to see them coming when they were dressing like cops.

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What's even harder to find than Bigfoot, UFOs, the Loch Ness Monster, and diamonds in Minecraft?

The real download button on Softpedia.com

Gandalf decided to go to the Shire, and to his surprise found Frodo and Sam making meth.

Gandalf decided to go to the Shire, and to his surprise found Frodo and Sam making meth.

"Why would you ever do such a thing!" He exclaimed.

"Well you see Mr Gandalf, after our adventure we haven't been able to feel the euphoria of being a hero until we tried this wonderful magic crys...

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One day, a girl comes home crying, upset that her boyfriend had just dumped her.

Devastated, she starts trashing the place, smashing pictures of her ex-boyfriend and knocking things off shelves, rampaging from room to room. In her mother’s bedroom she rips down the curtains, jumps on the bed and smashes some mirrors. She finally calms down enough to notice that a small secret dr...

A blonde, a nun, a brit and a french guy in the train...

Four people are sitting in the passenger car of a train. A hot blonde, a nun, a brit and a french guy. The train goes into a tunnel, there's total darkness for a brief moment, and all you can hear is a loud slap. As the train is leaving the tunnel, sunlight lights the scene up, and a confused french...

A Man Has Been Drinking All Day At A Bar...

A man has been drinking all day at a local bar and checks his watch.

"1:30am, rats. I need to go home now or my wife's going to kill me", he thinks to himself. But as he's trying to get up, he falls awkwardly on the floor.

"I'm just way too drunk right now, I need to sober up."

...

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