These times are harder on people with disabilities.

My dwarf friend is struggling to put food on the table

Girls advice: work harder to achieve your dreams, anything is possible

Boys advice: *the elites don't want you to know this, but the ducks in the park are free. You can take them home as pets*

"Killing them with kindness is a lot harder than I thought"

said the assassin

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

George claims that his dick is the "Hardest Dick In The World!"

George will pay anyone $5000 cash to anyone who can bring him something absolutely harder than his dick.


One man brings a basketball-sized boulder. George easily smashes the boulder with his dick. The man picks up the boulder pieces and angrily walks off.


A second man brings a ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A newly married couple visit a doctor.

The doctors asks, "What's the problem?"

Husband replies, "There is a bee stuck in my wife's vagina."

Doctor asks, "How the hell did it get in there??"

Husband, "I'm not sure, but maybe one of the bees, from the beehive right next to our house, happened to get in there, when my w...

If she wants harder, I can go harder. If she wants faster, I can go faster.

But if she wants deeper, she better be talking about philosophy.

Three dinosaurs are running across the desert when they stumble across a magic lamp.

They rub it, and a genie appears.

"I have three wishes, so I'll give one to each of you," the genie announces.

The first dinosaur thinks hard.

"Alright," he says, "I'll have a big, juicy, piece of meat."

Instantly, the biggest, juiciest piece of meat he'd ever seen appear...

It’s pretty easy to stop women from eating tide pods

But it’s a bit harder to deter gents

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man went into confession crying, and told the priest:

“Forgive me father for I have sinned”.

“What have you done?” asked the priest.

“A few weeks ago I went to the library. I remained there until closing time and when I was about to go home, rain started pouring down. It was so intense I had to wait in the library. I had waited for a wh...

I saw a little girl crying, so I approached her and asked "Where are your parents??", and she started to cry even harder.

God I love working at the Orphanage!

Why is it harder for older dwarves to make rugs?

Carpet tunnel syndrome

I had to give up my vegetarian diet.

Turns out they’re a lot harder to catch than cows.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know having sex makes it harder to remember past events from that day

I read it somewhere today, I just don’t remember when or why.

At the weekend, I like to play chess with elderly men in the park. But it's becoming increasingly harder..

..to find exactly 32 of them.

Slapping someone usually wakes them up, but slapping them harder can make them fall asleep....

What if you slap them harder while they're sleeping?
They sleep 2x better?

"push push...harder.. you can do it.. little more!!" I was yelling at my pregnant wife..

But despite her best efforts,the car didn't start.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a Rubik's cube and a penis have in common?

The more you play with it the harder it gets

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Is it harder to be black or to be gay?

Well, if you’re black, you don’t have to explain it to your parents.

Why is quantum physics so much harder than regular physics?

Because in regular physics, if something can go wrong, it will.

But in quantum physics, if something *could* go wrong, it will.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In the summer, I was watching a baseball game that was getting a bit boring

The broadcast had a main "play by play" commentator and also a "color" commentator (to talk about stats, player's backgrounds, and random stuff the viewers would find interesting).

At one particularly dead point, the color commentator said "I've got three trivia questions here. First one - f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A businessman is leaving town for work

His relationship with his wife had been unstable recently, and afraid of her cheating on him while he was gone, he went to a sex shop. He explains his situation to the owner.


"I have just what you need," The shopkeeper exclaims, pulling out a long, narrow box. He opens it and explains "Th...

A Man Calls Home to His Wife...

A Man Calls home to his wife. The Maid answers, "Hello ". The husband asks for his wife. The Maid asks him to hold as she goes to her bedroom. Moments later, the maid returns crying, "Sir, your wife... Your wife is in bed with ANOTHER MAN!". The husband is shocked and doesn't speak for a minute....

If your crush is single...

It is 1v20

If she is taken...

It is 1v1

Work smarter not harder

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old business tycoon marries a young supermodel but knows his jealousy will eventually, get the better of him…

So everyday, the tycoon; Mr Green, rings up his new wife from his office on the top floor of his international corporation headquarters in the city to their penthouse apartment in the suburbs. And everyday, regular as clockwork the wife answers, slightly out of breath and always surprised to hear hi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The voodoo dick

A man enters a sex shop, looking for a new toy to keep his wife busy while he goes on business trips. As a higher-up in his corporation, he tends to be away from home several times a month, and wants to ensure his wife stays faithful.

When he reaches the counter, he's shocked to see an old, w...

Of course men work harder than women

Women get it right the first time.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We discovered my grandfather is addicted to Viagra

No one is taking it harder than grandma

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A chance to escape Hell

The other day Bubba and I were walking around town when, out of nowhere, we get run over by a truck and die, and we both go straight to hell.

In hell, I'm greeted by the devil, who tells me that I have two choices: I can either stay in hell being tortured for all of eternity, or I can have se...

Barbies promote unrealistic expectations of women’s bodies.

Women’s heads are much harder to put back on in real life.

A farmer went out to the field and found one his cows had gone cross-eyed

The cow could hardly walk and kept bumping into things. Fearing it might hurt itself, he called his vet to come have a look at the cow. The vet took one look at the cow and told the farmer "I've seen this before. You stand up there in front and watch her eyes." The vet took out a section of hose, pu...

My physics teacher in rural Iowa said I'd pass his class when pigs fly, because I wasn't applying myself.

Well, I tried harder but ended up getting expelled, even though he never specified that the pig had to sustain flight on its own.

People say the first year of marriage is the hardest

Trust me, the last year is way, way harder.

Future generations increasingly find it harder to receive sympathy as they get sick

My grandchild was sick the other day and I asked him if it was the flu.

“No, it’s the new COVID-69.”

All I could say was, “nice.”

"Push harder", I shouted at my wife while she was in labor.

"Screw you" she screamed back at me.

Bit harsh I thought...... it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to the hospital!

It’s significantly harder for athletes to perform in todays temperatures

I’ve read in the newspaper that the Government has forbidden fans at sport events

My brother was trying to convince me that it’s harder to win an argument with a buffoon than it is with a reasonable person....

I told him that people who are intelligent are going to come back with strong counter argument and sound logic — making it difficult to stump them... And of course he came back with this notion that at the end of the day if a foolish person is too prideful to ever admit they’re wrong, they can just ...

Forest Gump dies and goes to Heaven

The day finally arrived: Forrest Gump dies and goes to heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St Peter himself.

St Peter says, "Well Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. I must inform you that the place is filling up fast and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyon...

You know if my grandpa fought harder

All these jokes would be in German.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My buddy and I own a bar.

My buddy and I own a bar. Last week, we were leaning against the counter, when this gorgeous woman came up to us and said, "Hey handsome boys, can I buy you a beer?"

"No, I don't think so," I replied.

"No? How about something harder. Scotch?"

"Absolutely not," my friend said....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The parrot and the plumber

A woman who has a pet parrot also has a problem with her plumbing, so she calls a plumber. While she is waiting for him, she decides she needs some items from the store. She thinks she can probably make it to the store and back before the plumber arrives, so off she goes.

Shortly after she ...

They say good dads are hard to find

But bad dads are even harder to find

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Happiness is like a penis

The fatter you get, the harder it is to find.

Playing dodgeball with kids is much harder than it looks.

You have to use both your hands to throw them.

Charles, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn’t seem to get to work on time.

Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late.
But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their “Older Person Friendly” policies.

One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.
“Charles, I have to tel...

What snapped harder than Thanos' finger?

Gwen stacy's neck

What's something that gets harder when it becomes longer

A tree

A retired Army General moves into a new apartment after quitting service.

Over the next few weeks, his new neighbors realized that on the weekends he would return to his apartment at 2am very drunk, remove his left boot and slam it on the floor, remove his right boot and slam it on the floor even harder and then go to sleep. Since the force of these thunderous slams was e...

People say it takes a long time to get over your ex girlfriend

I just needed to step on the gas pedal a little bit harder

We can all agree that there is no exam harder...

Than the listening portion of the American Sign Language exam

Patient : The composite you put in my teeth were too soft. I need something harder

Dentist : Im sorry I cant do that

Patient : What? Why not?

Dentist : I just cant. No hard fillings.

Until recently, I didn't think there was anyone harder to please than my wife

Then I started posting on r/jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan.

Tomato Means Harder And Cheese Means Faster. So We Were Having Sex And She Was Screaming Tomato Tomato Tomato Cheese Cheese Cheese, Then My Little Brother Said Can Y’all Stop Making Sandwiches Your Getting Mayonnaise All Over My Bed.

What's harder the softer it gets?

Typing withw my peniuasd

9damnit!)

Torture

The Gestapo bring in their best torturer, to break three important prisoners who won't spill the beans.

The torturer breaks the first guy in a couple of days.

The second one is harder to break, so the torturer watches him at night, to see what he's doing in his cell. He discovers tha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man has been drinking alone all day at a bar and checks his clock

"1:30am, fuck. I need to go home now or my wife's going to rip my balls off", thinks to himself. But as he's trying to get up, he falls awkwardly to the floor.

"I'm just way too drunk right now, I need to sober up."

So he asks the barman for a coffee, he drinks it up and 30 minutes lat...

Why are fish harder to catch in the middle of the day?

They are in schools

For PC games, the harder you click the more damage you do.

I need to replace my mouse.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lately, it's been getting harder and harder as each day passes by..

Which makes me think that this over the counter Viagra is legit.

The only thing harder than diamonds

a redneck at his family reunion

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Teacher asks her students to name medicines they know and state their uses.

Little Susan stands and says, "PANADOL"

Teacher: Used for?

Susan: I think headache

Teacher: Good

Musa: PIRITON

Teacher: used for?

Musa: Helps in sleeping..

Teacher: Excellent!!

Little Johnny (stands confidently): VIAGRA

Teacher (nearly f...

What's harder than giving birth?

Apparantly remembering the four o's in r/woooosh

Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?

Their days are numbered

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Singles on a deserted island

A luxury cruise ship offered a cruise for young singles only. But halfway through the voyage, the ship crashed. The Captain had been having a affair and didn't see the giant rock formation. The cruise ship went down in record time (as did the Captain). Most people on board were too drunk to act fast...

Not sure which is the harder part about being vegan

The discipline and focus it takes to eat that way, or the time and energy it takes to tell everyone you're a vegan.

What do Rubik’s cubes and your wee wee have in common?

Well for most people the more you play with them the harder they get... for me, I play with them for a few seconds and then it’s finished.

A group of old friends met at a resort for their annual vacation.

They had a long-standing tradition of sharing jokes with each other. They’d been doing this so long that they just assigned numbers to the jokes to make it easier to tell them.

Someone would shout out “24” or “13” and everyone would laugh.

This went on for a long and then one person y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why, what, who?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why does...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What activity is easier as it gets harder?

Pissing on the ceiling

Who hits Houston harder?

Bobby Brown or Hurricane Harvey.

~Probably too soon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sit here and realize I’m wiped from each side’s argument. It doesn’t even matter which way I roll; I still get shit. I refuse to push it any harder.

I really don’t care which way the toilet paper faces.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Twin Switch

A man once dated a woman with a twin. The twins got it into their minds that they could switch places and he would end up having sex unknowingly with her twin.

One night he’s in bed and she turns off the light to make it harder for him to realize their trick. She makes up a last minute excuse...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you masturbate too much it becomes harder to retain information.

There was a punchline for this joke.

An old joke from Germany, when Trump jad just became President...

Trump is on Europe tour. He stops by in Germany and visits Mrs. Merkel in the german pariament; the 'Bundestag'.

He sees that everything there is working out just fine, so he asks her: "How do you do that?"
"What?", she asks.
"That everything works out so well?"

"Oh, that's easy....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just when I thought life couldn't get any harder...

I accidentally take Viagra for my migraine.

Why is ordering a pizza harder than having a kid?

You can't accidentally order a pizza

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was talking to his therapist about finding the right woman. A man was sitting in his therapist’s office telling him about how he finally managed to find the right woman, after a whopping 3 divorces.

He says, “well the first wife was quite the fireball and we had good chemistry, but she was a fitness instructor and during sex always yelled ‘HARDER! STRONGER! KEEP UP THAT HEART RATE!’ and at some point I just couldn’t keep up... so we split.”

“Well,” said the therapist, “what about the sec...

Three thieves are in a house...

Three thieves are in a house when suddenly they hear someone come through the door. In a hurry to hide as soon as possible, each finds a gunny sack to hide inside. When the owner comes in and finds three unfamiliar sacks, he kicks the first one, the thief inside thinks quick and makes a sound simila...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The trip to Bethlehem was actually harder on Joseph than Mary...

... Because she was riding his ass the whole trip.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what's harder than closing your blinds?

My dick as I watch you through them

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The purple flower joke. (Very long)

Once there was a boy in 5th grade, and he really liked this girl (simp) and he knew that she liked the color purple.

So one day during recess he found these purple flowers and decided to make his move on the girl, so he walked up to her (with the flowers) and said "You are my purple flower" a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"You don't have to press the buttons harder to go faster"

Said no gamer ever.

Why is school in Mexico a lot harder?

Because they have a lot of esé's

If a light sleeper sleeps lighter with the light on, does a hard sleeper sleep harder with...

the window open?

From my 88 year old grandma

Job vs Marriage

Your job is like your marriage. Hard to leave when it's good. Harder to leave when it's bad

Pregnant Wife

My wife has been so moody since she became pregnant. I asked her to push harder and she began yelling and calling me names.

I said, "Let me know if you have a better way to get the car out of the mud."

A lady goes into labour and is rushed to the hospital

She is in labour for hours and the birth is excruciating but eventually the baby comes out. The doctor taps the baby's bottom to get it to cry but nothing happens. The doctor then uses a little more force and smacks the baby's bottom harder but still nothing. The mother is getting extremely worried....

There once were two woodpeckers...

There once were two woodpeckers who were friends, and one lived in California, the other in New York. They would visit each other occasionally at their homes. So the woodpecker from California had his friend come out to visit, and was pecking at his tree but couldn’t seem to get through to any bugs....

2020 is nearly over.

So either it gets even harder and defeats us. Or we make it through to next year. Either way, 2021.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The cross-eyed mule

A farmer, extremely proud of his mule, often boasted that it could haul anything no matter the weight. As such, he constantly took the largest jobs and charged a hefty price for it.

One day in town he loaded up his largest job yet in his wagon. He hitched up the mule, gave it a switch, and th...

A really annoying loophole

A bus carrying many people crashed on an icy road, burst into flames, and everyone died. Upon arrival in heaven, God said, "Since you have died in a terrible way, I'll grant you one wish before I let you into heaven." The first woman, being a person always concerned on her looks, comes up to God and...

My wife is divorcing me because I keep getting aroused by serious situations. She tried to explain it away, but I said, "Baby, please...

"Don't make this harder than it already is."

[nsfw] I figured out pretty early on in life that I was a masochist.

When my dad would beat me I'd scream "harder daddy".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Immortal porpoises

One day Timmy has had enough. He is completely burned out, so he decides to use his saved up vacation days to go hiking in the mountains. He packs his tent and all his camping gear, and starts driving.

After many hours of driving he finialy arrives. He puts his backpack on his back and hea...

What is brown, hairy, lives in the desert, has four legs, two humps, and is full of cement?

A camel - I put in the cement just to make it harder.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's harder to pull out of than Iraq?

Bristol Palin.

A joke my friend told me when we were in Grade 5.

100 of the ugliest people on a bus, they crash and are all sent to heaven. The angel there felt very sorry for all of them and decides to send them back all with one wish each. The first victim steps up.

“I wish to be the most beautiful person in the world.”

And with a wave of the ange...

What do Daft Punk and a lady in bed have in common?

Wanting Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Greatest hunter [long]

There once was a hunter who had some guest over to his house and was giving them a tour of his trophy room. At the entrance of the room there was a great giant white Gorilla, they asked him about it, he said: -"I spent three days and three nights with no sleep or food waiting for him to appear, he f...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.