Two cannibals are eating Amy Schumer

One of them says. "Hey man doesn't this taste a bit funny".

The other cannibal says. "Nope".

I don’t care what anyone says, Amy Schumer is extremely talented.

I mean who else can steal jokes from others, and still remain remarkably unfunny.

Everyone laughed when Amy Schumer said she wanted to become a comedian

No one is laughing now

One stolen joke is a coincidence. Two stolen jokes is a pattern.

Thirty stolen jokes is an Amy Schumer special.

Question: If it's not funny, is it still a joke?

Answer: In the case of Amy Schumer, yes.

What's the difference between Amy Schumer and dark jokes?

Dark jokes make me laugh.

Do you think Amy Schumer knows about this community?

Her career could skyrocket if she discovered us.

"Luigi, what was the name of that Schumer chick that no one likes?"

"It's Amy, Mario."

I attended Amy Schumer's party, but there was no talk about her.

Apparently, nobody wanted to mention the elephant in the room.

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I kind of feel bad for Amy Schumer over people calling her unfunny.

I mean can you imagine being so bad at comedy that you have to steal *shitty* jokes?

Haters, Amy Schumer just got another Netflix special announced, who's laughing now

^(still nobody)

I failed my audition as Amy Schumer

I told an actual joke.

Maybe the end of Amy Schumer's new show is really funny.

I guess nobody will ever know.

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Amy Schumer porn

Fuck this isn’t google...

Who is Greta Thunbergs favorite comedian.

Amy schumer because she recycles all her jokes!

What's the difference between Amy Schumer and a bank robber?

A bank robber steals something of value.

A doctor, priest, policeman, dog, Christian, comedian, blind man, Rabbi, firefighter, and Amy Schumer walk into a bar.

The bartender sighs and says, "My life is a joke."

I would make a joke about Amy Schumers comedy career

but im afraid nobody will laugh

Kim Kardashian, Pitbull and Amy Schumer walk into a bar.

They set it lower.

Watching Amy Schumer is a lot like watching surgery.

Watching Amy Schumers Comedy is a lot like watching surgery videos on Youtube.
It's unsettling, it's gross and it doesn't make you laugh once.

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So Amy Schumer claims that a big time producer, sexually harassed her by asking her for a blow job.

Turns out, he was just telling her she sucks.

So I saw Amy Schumer perform live...

The Kentucky Derby really is magical!

It's funny that Schumer and humor rhyme

Cause that is the closest she will ever get to being funny.

Whats funnier than Amy Schumer?

The Holocaust

Amy Schumer had some great advice for her date.

You have to pretend like you want to use a condom. I like to say something fun when I bring it up, but honest. I'll be like, 'You're going to want to wear this. I've had a busy month.'

Stop making jokes about how fat and disgusting Amy Schumer is.

You're stealing her material.

I was browsing Netflix the other day, and Happened upon the Amy Schumer special "Inside Amy Schumer." Looks like they couldn't use the original title idea due to copyright issues:

'Wide Open Spaces'

I hate it when Amy Schumer gets compared to whales

Whales are kind of funny you know

Everytime i say amy schumer is not funny, people will always reply with "that's because a woman said it" to which i usually say "yes...

Mostly because a guy said it first"

What do MOAB and Amy Schumer have in common?

Apart from being plus-sized, they both really know how to bomb!

How do you get Amy Schumer, Rosie O'donnell and Lena Dunham to move to Canada?

Piece of cake.

They say if you have to explain a joke then it's not funny.

Which is probably why it took me so long to explain Amy Schumer to my mom.

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If 2019 was shit

Then 2020 would be a septic tank filled with Amy Schumer Jokes.

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A teacher said to her class, "Let's review some American history..."

"...Who said: 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Little Akio, a bright foreign exchange student from Japan, who had his hand up:

"Patrick Henry, 1775," he answered.

"Very good! Who said: 'Government of the People, by the People, for t...

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The worst part of this election...

...isn't that Donald Trump won, but that fucking Amy Schumer is reneging on her promise to leave the country.

What’s the most insulting thing you can say to a commedian?

Ok Schumer

My jokes haven’t been hitting lately.

Call me Amy Schumer.

What do you hear right before watching an hour-long compilation of different comedians' jokes?

Please welcome Amy Schumer.

Survivor: Texas Edition

Due to the popularity of the "Survivor" shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled: "Survivor - Texas Edition".

The lucky contestants will all start in Dallas then drive a circuit to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, Houston, Brownsville, Del Rio, El Paso, Odessa, Midland, Lubbock, Amarillo, Abilen...

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The comedy industry is ridiculously sexist.

Zach Galifinakis can tell a joke to a full theatre and the audience would love it. If Amy Schumer told the same joke a week later in the same theatre to the same audience, she'd be accused of stealing material

Whats the difference between a cow and redditors on r/jokes?

Amy Schumer waits more than a few hours to steal jokes.

I was sad I missed a Dave Chappelle special on T.V...

But then my girlfriend reminded me, I can just watch Amy Schumer to hear all his best jokes.

Funny Super Bowl Ads;

Amy Schumer has said she won't do any Super Bowl commercials this year in support of Colin Kapernic.

Thank God! Maybe this years Super Bowl commericals will be funny.

The heads of state of the US and China sit down to a meeting.

Donald Trump says to Xi Jinping, "I'm gonna build a wall, it's going to be the best wall, Jinping, you've got a wall, I'm going to build it better than yours."

Xi replies, "It took thousands of Chinese workers a very long time to build the Great Wall. Are you sure your country is ready for th...

LPT: If you are sick of hearing duplicate tracks on Spotify's stand-up comedy playlists,

Just delete all of the Amy Schumer material, and it should flow a lot smoother.

Twas the night 2018

Twas the night 2018

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the web
The president was tweeting as the market went red
The government was closed because of a wall
In hopes that Mexico, would pay for it all

The people were nestled, their head in their hands
While visi...

Rumor has it that the Canadian immigration website crashed because..,

Amy Schumer was on it

Why is Conan's guest's face blurred-out?

Oh. Never mind. It isn't. It's just Amy Schumer.

What do you call a life sized miss piggy doll?

Amy Schumer on a good day

What's a whale's worst nightmare?

Being compared to Amy Schumer

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