Da Vinci Jokes - 15 Hilarious Da Vinci Jokes

My house was haunted by the ghost of Leonardo Da Vinci last night

I almost had an art attack.

Leonardo da Vinci's father is at "meet the teacher day".

He meets the maths teacher and asks "Hello mifter, how if my fon doing in your claff?"

The maths teacher ignores that slightly odd way of speaking of Leonardo's father and says, "your son is terrific, he's clearly a genius, you've got to see some of the stuff he's done in geometry."

An...

I began speed reading, and just last night I read “The Da Vinci Code” in fifteen minutes.

I know it’s only 4 words, but it’s a start.

A joke by Leonardo da Vinci (really)

A painter was asked why he produced such beautiful portraits, though they were dead things, and yet produced such a ugly children. To which he replied he made his paintings by day and his children by night.(Codex Atlanticus)

I'm smarter than Einstein, Hawking, Da Vinci and Aristotle combined...

cuz ther al ded

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Vincent Van Gogh, Pablo Picasso, Claude Monet, and Leonardo De Vinci are all eating at a nice restaurant when the waitress comes around with the bill.

They’d all ordered the same item and had previously agreed to split the bill four ways.

When they looked at the check, however, they saw that the 10% gratuity would not split evenly, so one of them would end up paying an extra $0.01.

“We should have an art competition to decide,” Da Vi...

Where did da Vinci visit after painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel?

Mostly the chiropractor's office

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An old jew visits the pope

The pope was sitting in his office one day when his secretary came running in.

“Your Holiness, there’s an old jew who’s been sitting outside your door every day for the last few weeks. He said he wants an audience.”

The pope was surprised by this statement, but seeing as the jew had w...

My wife said I make love like a painter.

What like Da Vinci I said. Smooth strokes, attention to detail, resulting in masterpiece?

No, she said. Like a council painter. You rush the job, leave mess everywhere and I end up having to finish it myself.

Donald T. has died and gone to heaven

St. Peter asks him: "Who are you?" to which Donald replies: "What are you talking about? You have to know who I am, I'm the most famous guy in the world!"

"Everyone has to prove that they are who they are," St. Peter says. "Even da Vinci, Einstein and Shakespeare, yes, everyone has proven who...

Hundreds of years after their deaths, Galileo, Leonardo Da Vinci, and Marco Polo are walking in heaven and decide to have a conversation with Jesus...

Galileo says, “Jesus, I’ve been thinking about my past life on Earth, and I wanted to know what I am remembered for all these years later.”

Jesus pauses and replies, “Galileo, you are remembered as the Father of Modern Physics. By being one of the first to apply mathematics to motion, you le...

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New Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris lost his virginity to the Statue of Liberty.

Da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man is Chuck Norris’s baby picture.

Waffles didn’t exist until Chuck Norris punched a pancake.

A joke from work

Four famous actors get together and decide to dress up as famous artists for Halloween.

Leonardo DiCaprio says he'll go as Da Vinci since they have the same first name.

Tom Cruise says he'll go as Van Gogh so they have two painters.

Bill Murray says he'll go as Beethoven since h...

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Hail Mungus

Leonardo da vinci, Stephen Hawking and Hugh Mungus, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree.

Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.

"Gentlemen," the Devil star...

Hollywood Halloween

Bruce Willis and Sylvester Stallone were discussing their next Halloween costumes. They wanted to get away from the typical scary characters and do something different.

Bruce: 'how about historical figures? I'll go as Freud.'

Sly: 'ok, sounds good. I'll go as Leonardo Da Vinci.'
...

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