These are genuine clips from council complaint letters
1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it. 2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore. 3. it's the dog mess that I find hard to swallow. 4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it h...
Baby are you the crumbling global economy?
Cause I want to give you an stimulus package.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A Paris cheese shop is hit by a German rocket moments after being evacuated by the Americans. "Watch out for debris!" shouts the owner to a GI standing in the ruins of the crumbling shop.
"Fuck off and save your own damn Brie" the GI called back, moments before being killed by a falling piece of masonry.
Tommo was a canary. [long]
Tommo was a canary. Like his father, and his father before him, Tommo worked in the granite mines. Every morning, he would perch upon the shoulder of his favorite miner, and descend down, down into the deep.
Tommo had a lovely wife canary at home named Millet. Millet and Tommo had two sons...
For as long as I can remember, I've had a thing about pigeons.
I think they're fascinating creatures, robust, hardy birds that thrive the world over yet can live on just breadcrumbs and worms.
It was 'pigeon this' and 'pigeon that' as a child, my mom used to joke that I'd BE a pigeon if I could.
It was a bit of a struggle maintaining relationsh...
Julie Andrews has officially stated
That she will no longer endorse cheap lipstick, due to it crumbling easily and making her breath smell. She explained,
“ The super color fragile lipstick gives me halitosis.”
Is it wrong to hate a certain race?
Every time I look at the cross country schedule, we play a certain high school, and their track really sucks. They are a very poor school and honestly it feels like the track is crumbling under my feet.
My body is a temple
ancient and crumbling and probably cursed.
Mary Poppins Decided To Grow Some Vegetables
Mary Poppins decides to grow some vegetables. When she picks her crop in the autumn, her carrots, potatoes, onions, and spring beans have all failed, but her cauliflowers have grown a treat.
She picks them, cooks some for Sunday lunch in a cheese sauce, and they taste wonderful.
Fearing her marriage is crumbling, a middle-aged woman visits a highly respected psychic renown for the accuracy of her predictions.
In a dark and hazy room, she tells the psychic of her fears and growing unhappiness.
The mystic peers into her crystal ball, then looks at the woman an...
Jay-Z owned a baseball team.
From day one, it was a foregone conclusion that it would be a cellar-dwelling team. Everyone on that team had a batting average of below .150, and not a single player scored a home-run. The defense was horrible; every outfielder was scared of fly-balls, the infielders couldn’t catch line drives to s...
My life is like a Nature Valley Granola bar
It keeps crumbling apart
Bill Gates moves to Canada to escape a Trump presidency.
He settles in a poor town that could use some philanthropy. His first check is to repair a crumbling stone wall outside the town hall.
"Mr. Gates, our school is deteriorating, our clinic's roof is leaking, our streets are full of potholes, and our playground is unsafe. Why did you pick *that...