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Crooks Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rapist and con artist get caught by the sheriff in a small town.

The town doesn’t have much money to take care of prisoners so the sheriff gets an idea. He decides he’ll charge money to let the townspeople punish the crooks and use the money to keep them in jail for as long as he can. The sheriff figures even a short stay in jail will be plenty after a little “ju...

Crooks just seem to be phoning it in these days

That’s at least how our president likes to do it.

Huge spike in auto-burglaries where crooks cut openings through top of convertibles.

Police spokesman says this type of crime is “through the roof.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Of course trump will challenge the results. He will not take no for an answer.

Just ask Ivana trump, Jill hearth, Jean carrol, summer zervos, alva Johnson, Jessica leeds, Kristen Anderson, Lisa boyne, Cathy heller, temple McDowell, Amy dorris, Karena Virginia, karen Johnson, mindy mcgillivary, Jennifer Murphy, Rachael crooks, Natasha stoynoff, juillet huddy, Jessica drake, nin...

Little Billy

Little Billy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.Then he decided to write God a letter request $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to send it to President Bush.

The President was so impressed, touched, and amus...

Victim (after burglary): They stole everything from my house but the soap and towels.

Cop: Those dirty crooks.

Retraction

The following headline appeared in the daily newspaper and threw the city hall into an uproar: "Half the city council are crooks."

A retraction in full was demanded of the editor under the threat of a libel suit. Next afternoon, the headline read, "Half the city council aren't crooks."

Whiskey business

Two Chinese crooks break into a distillery.

One crook says to the other, "Is this whiskey?"

The other one replies, "Yes, but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank!"

The Lone Ranger and Tonto

The Lone Ranger and Tonto stop in their persuit of some crooks to check for tracks. Tonto presses his ear to the ground, sits up slowly and says thoughtfully "Hmmmm...buffalo come".
Amazed the Lone Ranger asks "Wow! How did you know that?!"
Tonto replies "Ear stick to ground"

Cletus takes out a loan for a new truck.

He keeps up with the payments, and everything seems to be going well, when suddenly the bank repossesses it without warning.

He decides to go to the police, and it turns out he's not the only person who's been ripped off by this particular bank.

After talking to the police chief, it'...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A top defense lawyer dies and is taken to hell where he meets Satan

Satan promptly recognizes him and takes him around for a tour. "Hell isn't so bad once you get to hang out with people like yourself". The lawyer gets hopeful "So then there must be a lot of lawyers here? Can you take me to their section of hell?". Satan tells him their section is in the deepest par...

A prisoner was cleaning the walls in his cell with a flannel...

...when the prisoner in the next cell asked if he can use it. "Sure," the first prisoner said and he gave him it. This struck up a conversation and the first prisoner asked, "So how did you end up in here mate?"

"Well," he replied, "It's a funny story. I was low on cash and saw a guy walking ...

A man lying on his deathbed called his three best friends to his side.

A man lying on his deathbed called his three best friends to his side. They were his lawyer, his doctor, and his pastor.

"I am going to die tonight, and I want to prove that when you go to heaven you *can* take it all with you. So to you, my three most trusted friends, I’ve put 50,000 dollar...

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