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Crocs Jokes

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Wearing crocs is like getting a blowjob from a guy,

It feels great until you look down and realize you're gay.

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What does wearing crocs and getting a blowjob from a man have in common?

They both feel good until you look down and realize you're gay.

TAKE THAT CROC LOBBY #againstbigcroc

I understand if I get downvoted.

Why does the Pope wear Crocs?

Because they're holey

What do you call a deaf man wearing crocs?

Whatever you want, he can't hear you.

What do you get if you cross a river with tap shoes? Riverdance. What do you get if you cross a river with crocs?

Eaten.

Why do Crocs not go to heaven?

Because they have no soles.

I don't believe in hitting my children as punishment

So I send them to school wearing crocs and skechers and let other kids beat them instead

What form of birth control works better with holes in it?

Crocs

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An Australian guy walks into a bar with a crocodile under his arm.

He asks the bartender if he will give him free drinks if he shows he can put his penis inside the crocs mouth for 15 seconds without it getting bit off. The bartender agrees. The guy opens the crocs mouth and puts his penis inside it; the croc gently closes his mouth and after 15 seconds the Austr...

I hate crocs

They’re super uncomfortable. Especially when you’re riding on their back.

If you arrive fashionably late in crocs...

you're just late.

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There was a Bravest man in the world contest

There were three brave contenders that had to survive three missions and survive.
1# swim one lap in an Olympic pool filled with crocodiles.
2# shake the hand of a raged gorilla
3# fuck the brains out of an 100 year little old lady.

First contender got it to the pool and was eaten al...

Rich man shenanigans

There was once an extremely wealthy man who was known for his eccentric habits. One fine evening, he sent out an invite to all the young, able-bodied men of his city for a very "special" dinner, promising a grand prize for one lucky soul.

Knowing the rich man's generous nature, a hundred you...

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What’s the difference between a vagina and a cunt?

I’ve never seen a vagina wearing a pair of crocs!

Crocs aren't something you want on your feet.

The shoes suck too.

Which type of shoes does Captain Hook avoid wearing?

Crocs

Engineer and anti-vaxxer

An engineer, an anti-vaxxer, and others were walking through the woods when they came upon a crocodile infested river.

The anti-vaxxer asked the engineer "What are the odds of us making it across that river safely?" The engineer took out his calculator and his tape measure, did a structural ...

Happy International Women's Day

During a company's annual family trip to a crocodile farm in Thailand... the eccentric boss dared any of his employees to jump into the crocodiles infested pond... and swim to the shore. Anyone who survived the swim will be rewarded with 5 million... but if killed by the crocs...2 million will be gi...

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So, Steve Irwin ........

walks into an outback pub with a 15 ft crocodile on a leash, sidles up to the bar and, with everyone watching, pulls out a screwdriver and whacks the crocodile on the head twice.

The crocodile slowly opens its jaws and lays there... Steve unzips and lays his dick in the crocs mouth, and whack...

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If I had a penny for every time a woman called me sexy...

I wouldn't be able to afford another pair of Crocs.

A husband and wife went out shopping for essentials to avoid the corona virus.

After picking up a package of toilet paper, the husband glanced up and noticed another man walking towards them. The husband then shouted something incomprehensible , grabbed his wife by the arm and quickly ushered her into another aisle. The wife was upset as he had embarrassed her- everyone was l...

Fear the wrath!

Things that people who come to Australia are afraid of: Spiders, Scorpions, Snakes, Sharks, Crocs, Jellyfish, Octopus, Stone Fish, Feral Pigs, Giant bulls, Emus, and Kangaroos.
Things that Australians are afraid of: Magpies.

How do you fit an elephant in the fridge in three simple steps?

* How do you fit an entire elephant in the refrigerator in three simple steps?
* *How?*
* You open the door, you stick the elephant in, and you close the door



* How do you fit a giraffe in the refrigerator in four easy steps?
* *How?*
* You open the door, you take the elep...

What does Elvis wear on his feet when he can't find his Blue Suede Shoes?

His Jailhouse Crocs

A couple of unemployed tough guys see a pair of crocodile shoes in a store window.

The one turns to the other and says, "Look at that price tag! I tell you there's money to be made there!"

So they spend the next 4 weeks in Florida hunting crocs. They kill several, eventually running out of bullets and resorting to a knife at first, then their bare hands.

The firs...

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A man walks into a bar in outback Australia and there is a huge crocodile in the middle of the floor

He moves to the bar and asks the barman if it's safe to have the crocodile in the bar and the barman assures him it's safe and wouldn't hurt anyone. The guy is unsure and so the barman goes watch this and he opens the crocodiles mouth and puts his arm in, the croc doesn't move. The guys is still not...

Which are Voldemort's favourite shoes?

His horro*crocs*.

What kind of shoes does Voldemort wear?

Hor-crocs.

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