Whats a sharks favourite singer?

Sharkira!!! (Don't say you didn't see this coming)

Why do sharks have teeth?

For eating porpoises.

Why do sharks eat underwater internet cables?

They were advised to have more fiber in their diet.

Why do sharks only swim in salt water?...

...

Because pepper water makes them sneeze.

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Why do sharks circle people befor they eat them?

Because people taste better without shit in them....

Why can't most sharks and whales read?

They are not part of a school

Smells fishy to me. Not my work.

Two prawns were swimming around in the ocean.

One called Justin and the other called Kristian.

The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area:

Finally one day Justin said to Kristian. "I'm fed up with being a prawn. I wish I was a shar...

What do sharks serve their guests at parties?

A sharkcuterie

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks

It cost me an arm and a leg!

Everyone thinks lawyers are a bunch of sharks, rats and pit-bulls!

But really, they're all liti-gators

Two sharks are eating a clown

One says to the other “does this taste funny to you?”

Shark at the beach

I was at the beach when I heard someone yell Help Shark Help. I laughed because the sharks weren't going to help him.

Where do lonely Sharks go to find companionship?

Sand Bars

There's a little-known, but foolproof defense against sharks.

Sharks will only attack you if you're wet.

What do Sharks have on their toast?

Mermalaid.

yes, sharks can outswim you. but you can outrun sharks. so far in a triathlon you’re square.

all comes down to who’s the faster cyclist.

Misunderstood...

3 people (one is stuttering) decided to go on a fishing trip in a yacht.

They were in the sea for over 3 hours and were having a good time, when suddenly a ship was arriving at high speed with intetion of stoping.

The stutterer noticed it was trying to warn the others but was stuck...

What's the similarity between my uncle and sharks?

The both prey on schools

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A Shark and his Son

A shark and his son are swimming around in the water when they see some scuba divers.
The young shark says to his father, " let's go eat them".

The father tells his son, " this is not the way of sharks. First we swim around them three times, then we eat them"

The son asks, " why ...

Whats the weird fleshy thing between a sharks teeth called?

A surfer

What do you call the soft tissue between a sharks teeth?

The slow swimmer!

What do you call a fight between two loan sharks?

A conflict of interest

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Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship.

"Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people. The father added, "First, we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing."

And they did.

"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing....

Arguing with strangers online is like wrestling sharks

Even if you win, it was a really stupid thing to do.

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How do two tiger sharks mate?

I don’t know. They’re fucking underwater

While fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat.

He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft.

Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted:

“Are there any gators around here?!”

“No,” the man hollered back, “they ain’t been around for years!”

Feeling safe,...

Shark Tank

*on Shark Tank*

Sharks: what's your idea?

Me: ridiculously wide sunglasses

Shark 1: I'm out

Shark 2: I'm out as well

Hammerhead shark: tell me more

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Know why geese kill more humans every year than sharks?

Because it's really hard for geese to kill sharks.

Seriously though, fuck geese.

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Mother sharks and her offspring were swimming one day when they came upon a sinking ship.

Mother shark saw the humans abandoning ship. Once the ship sank, she instructed her offspring, "Follow my lead. We're going to swim in circles around the humans". The little sharks, their hunger already growing, were excited. One asked, "Can we eat them now?" Mother replied, "Not yet, dear. Just fol...

When lawyers go fishing, why do they throw back the sharks?

Professional curteousy.

I hate loan sharks.

Much better to just buy them outright.

I hate how Shark Week tries to playoff Sharks as "gentle caring creatures that are misrepresented by the media".

It doesn't matter what they say, I'm still not voting to re-elect the president.

What's a sharks least favourite name?

Ned
___

So I have my Alexa set up to tell me joke when I say goodnight, last night it told me that joke...and I can't work it out?! I have searched for it online, and other people have searched for it but no one has seemed to find out what it means.

Am I being stupid and missing som...

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What's your favorite one liner in 40 characters or less?

Want to embroider something fun into my jacket pocket, but only have 40 characters. As a big fan of stand up, was trying to fit a homage to my favorites with something from Mitch Hedberg or Demitri Martin in there... but alas, they're slightly too long. So figured I'd come to the experts here for...

I don't understand why people get attacked by sharks.

Can't they hear the music?

Two prawns are in the ocean discussing their hatred and fear of sharks

One prawn is called George and the other is called Christian. One day while discussing their fear of sharks, a nearby cod overhears them and swims over to talk to them. The cod promises to grant George one wish. George decides he wants to be a shark, so wishes to become a shark. The cod grants Georg...

What do sharks and people have in common?

All the great ones are white.

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A billionaire was having a party at his house

And in his back yard he had a huge pool with great white sharks in it.
He announced to everyone at the party that whoever could swim across the pool without getting attacked could either have all his money, his wife, or his house.
So when everyone got back to talking all of a sudden a guy is ...

Caveman Shark Tank

Guy who invented the wheel - alright this is gonna seem a little unorthodox, but just roll with it

Caveman sharks - do what with it

G - oh you'll see

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