UPJOKE
whale sharkfishhammerhead sharknurse sharktiger sharkbull sharkmackerel sharkchondrichthyesangel sharkblue sharkretinaspiraclepredatorpectoral fincarpet shark

Sharks Jokes

There's a statistic that says hippos kill more people every year than sharks.

Makes sense. It seems very unlikely for a hippo to find a shark in the savanah.

Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking...

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship. "Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the Mass of people.

"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.

"Well done, son! Now ...

Where do lonely Sharks go to find companionship?

Sand Bars

They say cows kill more people than sharks.

I’m surprised cows kill any sharks at all.

Why don't sharks eat lawyers?

Professional courtesy.

Vending machines kill more people than sharks.

I've never even seen a shark use a vending machine.

yes, sharks can outswim you.

but you can outrun sharks. so far in a triathlon you’re square. all comes down to who's the faster cyclist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Shark and his Son

A shark and his son are swimming around in the water when they see some scuba divers.
The young shark says to his father, " let's go eat them".

The father tells his son, " this is not the way of sharks. First we swim around them three times, then we eat them"

The son asks, " why ...

Arguing with strangers online is like wrestling sharks

Even if you win, it was a really stupid thing to do.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Know why geese kill more humans every year than sharks?

Because it's really hard for geese to kill sharks.

Seriously though, fuck geese.

Two prawns….

Two prawns were swimming around in the sea one day. The first one was called Justin and the second one was called Kristian. They were continually being chased and threatened by the sharks that inhabited the area.

Eventually Justin had had enough. He said to Kristian, "I'm fed up with being a ...

Shark Tank

*on Shark Tank*

Sharks: what's your idea?

Me: ridiculously wide sunglasses

Shark 1: I'm out

Shark 2: I'm out as well

Hammerhead shark: tell me more

Why do sharks live in salt water?

Because pepper water makes them sneeze

Why do sharks have teeth?

For eating porpoises.

Whats do you call soft tissue between a sharks teeth ?

A slow swimmer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do sharks circle people befor they eat them?

Because people taste better without shit in them....

Why do sharks eat underwater internet cables?

They were advised to have more fiber in their diet.

Why can't most sharks and whales read?

They are not part of a school

Two sharks are eating a clown

One says to the other “does this taste funny to you?”

In America Martin Luther King only gets one day....

And sharks get a whole week.


It's probably because they are great whites.

I heard they’re rebooting The Godfather and replacing the humans with sharks

It’ll be called The Megalodon.

What's a sharks least favourite name?

Ned
___

So I have my Alexa set up to tell me joke when I say goodnight, last night it told me that joke...and I can't work it out?! I have searched for it online, and other people have searched for it but no one has seemed to find out what it means.

Am I being stupid and missing som...

Why is a seal with just one fin safe to swim in shark infested waters?

Like everyone else, sharks know that if the seal is broken the food isn't safe to consume!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do two tiger sharks mate?

I don’t know. They’re fucking underwater

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sharks

A baby shark swims up to a group of sailors fallen in the water. He observes mama shark swim circles around the sailor for several minutes before proceeding to chomp down.

Baby shark asks mama shark “why do we swim circles around humans before eating them?”

Mama shark responds, “becau...

I hate loan sharks.

Much better to just buy them outright.

What do you call an octopus that fights sharks?

An octobrave.



I'm sorry.

If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks

It cost me an arm and a leg!

What do Sharks have on their toast?

Mermalaid.

What's the similarity between my uncle and sharks?

The both prey on schools

Whats the weird fleshy thing between a sharks teeth called?

A surfer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mother sharks and her offspring were swimming one day when they came upon a sinking ship.

Mother shark saw the humans abandoning ship. Once the ship sank, she instructed her offspring, "Follow my lead. We're going to swim in circles around the humans". The little sharks, their hunger already growing, were excited. One asked, "Can we eat them now?" Mother replied, "Not yet, dear. Just fol...

There's a little-known, but foolproof defense against sharks.

Sharks will only attack you if you're wet.

I'm allergic to sharks..

..one shark bite and it's straight to the ER for me.

What do humans and sharks have in common?

The great ones are always white.

Shark at the beach

I was at the beach when I heard someone yell Help Shark Help. I laughed because the sharks weren't going to help him.

I don't understand why people get attacked by sharks.

Can't they hear the music?

When lawyers go fishing, why do they throw back the sharks?

Professional curteousy.

What do you call a fight between two loan sharks?

A conflict of interest

I've decided to save money on cat food by getting a bird bath.

Don't @ me. Predators and water go together in nature. Alligators and swamps. Sharks and oceans. Catholic priests and baptism fonts.

Apparently sharks can grow up to 30 feet.

I thought they were called fins.

I hate how Shark Week tries to playoff Sharks as "gentle caring creatures that are misrepresented by the media".

It doesn't matter what they say, I'm still not voting to re-elect the president.

Two sharks are swimming in the sea...

One shark sees a school of sardines, and says "bro you hungry?" and the other shark says "nah, I'm good. You go for it." So the first shark swims right into the sardines, and nom-nom-noms on hundreds of the little fishes. Minutes later, the shark curls up in pain. "Oooh, aaaagh, uuuurgh...." the sec...

Great white shark diet surprises scientists

"It consists mostly of wildlife biologists that study sharks," said a famous wildife biologist studying sharks.

Be Careful of Egyptian Sharks

They can smell blood a nile away

Who delivers presents to sharks on Christmas?

Santa Jaws

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.