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Apologies in advance, this joke is older than God.

A guy walks in a bar holding an alligator. He undoes his zip, gets his dick out and puts it in the gators mouth. He then hits the gator on the head with a hammer. The gator then starts to sucks his dick. After a few minutes he turns to the people in the bar and says "Does anyone want to give this a ...

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The Gator

A guy walks into the bar with a gator on a leash, bartender looks down and says “what you doing in here with that reptile”. Guy says nothing and stands up on the bar.

“Ladies and Gentlemen. I propose a challenge, if I can place my balls in this gator’s mouth and remove them undamaged everyon...

Billy Bob parked his rig in Florida for a few days before driving back home. He was about to dive into the surf but figured he'd better check out the alligator situation with the townsfolk. "Nope, no gators here," a local as- sured him.

Billv Bob had swum out 50 led before his
brain kicked in again. "Hey. how come there
ain't no gators in here?" he yelled back to the
guy onshore.
"Because they're afraid of the sharks," came
the reply.

While fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat.

He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft.

Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted:

“Are there any gators around here?!”

“No,” the man hollered back, “they ain’t been around for years!”

Feeling safe,...

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Pet Alligator

A man walks into a bar with a live alligator under his arms. Dumps the animal on the bar counter and asks for a beer. The bartender almost shits his pants and shouts: "What the hell is wrong with you, get that thing out of here!!"

Man: "Don't worry, I tamed my pet gator very well and he won't...

So an Army Ranger wants himself a pair of Gator Boots...

But this being an Army Ranger, he's not just going to *buy* himself a pair of boots, no, he's gonna make his own. So he heads down to Louisiana and makes his way to the bayou. He finds a nice little bait shop, buys himself a nice knife, and asks the shop owner where he can find himself a decent size...

A Ranger goes gator hunting

A Ranger decides one day that he wants to go gator hunting and make some boots, so he gets dressed and packs his gear. He then stops at a local tackle shop to get some bait and tips on where he would have the best luck.

The shopkeep tells him where to go and sells him some bait and as the Ra...

Alligator Boots

One day A Ranger decided he wanted to get himself some gator boots, and being a Ranger he wasn't about to go to a store for some. Instead he goes out to the bayou to find a gator to make himself some shoes.
So he comes across a local man and asks him where he can find a gator. The man gives him ...

Everyone thinks lawyers are a bunch of sharks, rats and pit-bulls!

But really, they're all liti-gators

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So a blond woman was at a shoe store arguing about the price of alligator boots

After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, "Well, then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!'

The shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, "Well, little lady, why don't you go give...

Florida Gators drink Gatorade

Florida State Seminoles drink Seminole fluid.

A blonde walks into a shop and wants a pair of alligator boots.

The shopkeeper tells her they do not sell expensive items to blondes.

After becoming very frustrated with the shopkeepers attitude the blonde declares. FINE ILL JUST GO CATCH AN ALLIGATOR AND GET MY OWN BOOTS!

The shopkeeper replied why don't you just try young lady with a smirk.
...

Twist

Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?


Teacher: 502.


Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?


Teacher:No you can’t fit an elephant in a fridge!!


Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.

...

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Three men went on a swimming competition. An American, a Japanese and a Filipino.

The rule was simple, swim through the lake full of alligators, reach the other side alive and win unlimited cash.

Confident, Phelps went first. But in the middle of his dive, a gator appeared in front of him and swallowed him whole.

The crowd was shocked, yet they all booed.

Eag...

God damn reptiles constantly stirring people up...

but what can you expect from all these insti-gators...

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A group of four lifelong hunters decided to end their careers in the best way possible.

They'd taken down the most dangerous game to be found, all over the world. From saltwater gators, to bull elephants. They were renowned worldwide for having bagged a giant squid some few years back, but they were getting on in age and knew that they'd be unable to keep up with the youngsters before ...

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A rich man threw a mansion party

It was of extravagant proportions. Hundreds of guests filled his enormous abode to mingle and drink with glee. During the festivities the rich man gathered everyone to the backyard.

“Come! I have something to show you all! As well as a challenge!”

His curious (also drunk) flock followe...

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So I was outside of a bar smoking a cigarette...

And I see this man walking an alligator on a leash and harness. As he aproaches the bar to enter, the bouncer stops him and says "hey man, are you serious? You can't bring that gator in here."
The man replies "come on he's on a leash and he is very well trained. I just want to grab one drink and ...

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Boudreaux & Thibodeaux

One morning Thibodeaux was sitting on his dock enjoying the sunrise when Boudreaux pulls up in his boat filled with duct tape. Thibodeaux looks at him, and asks "what you doing with a boat full of duct tape?" Boudreaux replies "I'm going duck hunting! You wanna come?" "You can't hunt ducks with duc...

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Two Army Rangers are on vacation in New Orleans....

when they both get the idea to catch an alligator, skin it and get shoes made out of its carcass.

They go to an outfitter to get a boat and all the gear they’ll need, and during the conversation they mention they are army. The outfitter tells them that two Marines with the exact same idea pas...

What do you call alligators interested in real estate?

A: Invest-igators

If animals used reddit, which animal would be the most hated?

Moder-gators

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Fresh recruits are lined up at bootcamp waiting to meet their new Seargent.

Out walked this absolut unit of a marine carrying a big black duffel bag. He sets the bag down and yells,
“Do you know what it means to be a marine! You gotta be tough! Do you wanna see what tough is?!"
And with that he unzips the bag and pulls out an alligator. While he's wrestling with the ...

What do you call a SWAT Team of Alligators?

Gator-Raid

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A man was sitting at a bar drinking and had his pet alligator with him

He was tired of spending his own money on his expensive liquor so he stood up and announced to the patrons “I bet all you a round of drinks that I can put my dick and balls in this gators mouth for one minute with it’s mouth closed and I won’t have a scratch on me when I’m done”

After some di...

A guy walks into a bar with an alligator

The bar tender says "sir you cant have that here! it will bite one of my customers and i'll get sued"
The man replied " Its quite the tame alligator- watch"
He places the alligator on the counter, unzips his pants, and places his package in the open gators' mouth and leaves it there for abou...

Disney shouldn't have to post warning signs

Don't their gators make a ticking sound as they approach?

A blonde was on vacation in Louisiana with her boyfriend

She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but didn't want to pay a fortune for them. So she headed out to the swamp, determined to catch herself an alligator. Her boyfriend stayed at the hotel.
Later that day, she stood waist deep in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand. She he...

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A man walks in to a bar with an alligator.

A man walks in to a bar with an alligator. He says to the entire bar "I bet you all a round of drinks that I can put my testicles in this alligators mouth for 10 seconds, and remove them unharmed!" Everyone shrugs and says why not.
The man drops his pants, opens the gators mouth, inserts his bal...

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A man walks into a bar....

A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. This thing is huge, It’s about 10-12 feet long. An absolute monster. The bartender sees it and he starts freaking out and yells, “Dude you got to get that freaking thing out of here, someone is going to get bit by that beast, and I am the one who is going to...

A man went swimming one day....

A man wanted to goswimming in the ocean. We walked down to the beach and he saw a fisherman. He asked the fisherman " are there any sharks in the water?" The fisherman said "well obviously, the ocean is huge! But in this particular area, no there are no sharks." The man asks again "you are absolutel...

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A guy brings an alligator to the bar...

and the bartender says "Get that thing out of here immediately."
The guy says "Don't worry, its tamed and I'll prove it!"
So the guy tells the alligator to open his mouth and much to everyone's surprise the gator complies.
"You think thats impressive?" asks the guy.
He then proceeds to...

Most of the Alligator shoes sold are of low quality, so I went to the bayou to get my own

28 gators later and none of them are wearing any shoes

I have an uncle in Texas

He's a wealthy guy, made it big in oil. He recently decided to build a new pool for his house. Of course, being a Texan it couldn't be just any pool. He decided to build the biggest pool of anyone he knew. I don't know exactly how big it was, but it had to be at least a couple hundred yards long....

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Young Indian Brave.

Once there was a young Indian Brave who could never do anything right. After years of being teased by the Tribe he had enough and wanted out. He went to the Chief and told him he no longer wanted to be part of the Tribe. Puzzled, the great old Chief said that no one but Death had ever left the tribe...

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