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Credit Cards Jokes

What do you call a country that doesn't use credit cards?

A Czech Republic

Whats the similarity between Credit Cards and Kim Kardashian?

Plastic

There are three dimensions to credit cards

... length, width, and debt.

My wife and I tried to buy weed at a dispensary, but we were told they only take cash or credit cards.

I told the clerk "It's OK. We have a joint checking account."

My wife always uses credit cards. I recommended she try cash

But I know she's afraid of change.

I must be a credit card

Since I’m always been used or denied

The women I want to date are like my credit cards...

No interest.

Take 2: Someone stole my credit cards and apparently made a purchase in a furniture store.

I only found out when the bank contacted me and told me that my card had been reclined.

I just found out my credit Cards got stolen.

But I'm not going to report them, because the thief is using them less than my wife.

It's my cake day, so one of my favorite jokes ... A sixteen year-old boy came home with a brand new Ford F150.

His parents look at the truck and ask, "Where did you get that truck?!"

"I bought it today," he says. "With what money?" says his mother. They knew what a new F150 cost.

"Well," he says, "this one cost me just fifteen dollars."

The father looks at him like he's crazy. "Who wo...

credit card

Guy 1 : " Hey man, you have been looking awfully happy lately"
guy 2 : "yeah someone Stoke my wallet and all my credit cards"
guy 1 :"Then why are you happy?"
guy 2:" The thief is spending less on my cards than my wife"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

taxi cab

A businessman takes a vacation in Vegas. He has a horrible run of luck, and spends his life savings and maxes out his credit cards. All he has left is his airline ticket home.

Getting into a taxi, he explains his plight to the cabbie. He offers to leave his drivers license or anything else u...

A married couple is driving...

down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him. "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but I want a divorce." The husband says nothing, but slowly turns up to speed to 60 mph.

"I don't want you to talk me out of it, because I've been hav...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Scouser walks into the local benefits office, walks up to the counter to collect his fortnightly giro and say's to the woman.

"You know something?
I just hate being on the dole, I'd really rather have a job".

The benefits worker behind the counter tells him.
"Your timing is excellent.
We have just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man.
He wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his nymphomani...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a drugstore asking for viagra...

A man walks into a drugstore asking for viagra,

The pharmacist says he has two kinds, one that costs $20 and one that costs $30

The man asks for the one that costs $30, opens the bottle and pops a pill. He pulls out a credit card to pay and the pharmacist says

“Sorry, we don’t...

So my wife's wallet got stolen 6 months ago...

...and all her credit cards are in it but I haven't reported it to the police yet because the thieves are spending less than she does!!!

The guy at the bar

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. 

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just...

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