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Unplugged Jokes

I unplugged my grandma's life support

The moment was really breathtaking.

I just woke up with my reading lamp unplugged and lying next to me in bed.

You never know what to expect from your one night stand.

I've just done my part to help the environment.

I unplugged 6 electric vehicles that no one was using.

My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!"

I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.

There once was a boy named George Gunderson who did not do very well in school. His classmates ridiculed him every day, as did his teacher, Mrs. Jones. George couldn't stand it, and always came home crying to his parents.

One day, Mr. and Mrs. Gunderson decided to come to the school early to give Mrs. Jones a piece of her mind. The second the door opened to let the kids outside, Mr. and Mrs. Gunderson peeked inside to hear Mrs. Jones screaming at George. "George Gunderson, you are the dumbest kid in the world!"
...

Why does everyone always brag that they are “going to go unplugged for a while”

Wireless devices were invented decades ago.

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Three men are standing at the pearly gates...

Three men die and are standing at the pearly gates in front of St. Peter. St. Peter tells them, "To gain entry into heaven, you must tell me how you died."

The first man steps forward and says "Well, I got off work early today, and came home to my 10th floor apartment. Walked in, and found ...

If I'm ever on life support, I want to be unplugged.

And then plugged back in to see if that helps

I told my wife "if ever I become comatose and depend on a machine for my survival, unplug me"

She unplugged the computer.

I had a job interview...

...the interviewer slid his laptop across the table and said "sell this to me."

I closed the screen, unplugged it, and left.

I ignored his calls for about three hours. When I did answer, he said "Where is my laptop?!"

"You wanna buy it?"

Once upon a time ...

Once upon a time ..a small boy named Basheer lived in a tiny Moroccan village. All his classmates hated him for his stupidity especially his teacher who was always yelling at him "you are driving me crazy Basheer"...

One day his mother went to check out how he is doing at school and the teach...

Once upon a time...

Once upon a time, there was a young man named Done. He was born and raised in the town of Moroccan. Done wasn't very smart, and he was always teased by his peers when he expressed his desire to become a doctor, especially by a disliked and harsh-tempered teacher who would yell at him, "You drive me ...

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A Heart-Stopping Reunion

Back in the day, no one liked Ethan in his class. He was known as the kid who never cracked a book, always lazy and a bit slow-witted. His teacher regularly lost her temper with him.

One day, Ethan’s mother came to school and talked to his teacher, who bluntly told her, ‘Your son doesn’t stud...

I heard patients were not sleeping well at the hospital

So I unplugged all the loud annoying beeping things in their rooms. They sleep much better now

Well, I'm in the emergency room.

I'm not sure how many bones are broken so today is not a good day. I decided to go horseback riding. Something I haven't done in many many years !!!. It turned out to be a big mistake! I got on the horse and started out slowly, but then we went a little faster; before I knew it, we were going as fas...

What question can Alexa not answer?

Why are you unplugged?

Horseback riding gone wrong

Last weekend my daughters and I were going to the grocery store but on the way I spotted a chance to go horseback riding and couldn't pass it up. So I got on the horse and immediately it started trying to buck me off. I'm desperately yelling for help and flailing around but all the people passing b...

A man and his wife was sitting in the living room

Husband:Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.

His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all of his beer.

My grandparents think that I depend too much on technology.

They always talk about how much my generation depends on technology, and my grandfather always mentions it whenever I visit them, so then I replied, “no, your generation depends too much on technology.”

Then I unplugged his life support.

What's the difference between my phone and my grandma?

When my phone died I pluged it in. When my grandma died I unplugged her.

First time horseback riding. I almost died!

I had a friend ask if I wanted to go horseback riding. I've never been so I said yes!

I got on the back of this horse and it turns out when you are on the back of a horse it feels like you are going faster than if you were in a car.

Me and this horse started going and It felt like I ...

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Everyone thought Kim Jung Un was in a vegetative state, but actually he was in the studio recording his acoustic album

Kim Jung Unplugged.

I USE TO BE A BULL RIDER AND I WAS DOING PRETTY GOOD

Until that guy from Wal-Mart came out and unplugged me.

My running coach told me to increase the volume of my runs

So I unplugged the headphones and played my music from the speakers instead.

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At the gates of heaven

3 men are at the gates of Heaven, Peter says, "It's getting pretty full in here, so the one with the worst story of how he died will get in." The first guy starts he says, " I was doing naked yoga on my balcony, I live on the 27th floor, and I slipped over the balcony, I only fell 1 floor down and c...

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What's the quietest album in the world?

Stephen Hawking - unplugged

They had us in the first half not gonna lie

My phone was at low battery so i had to plug it in right next to someone. The guy next to me was playing flappy bird really loud and it kept beeping. I kept telling him to stop and he ignored me. I got so mad i unplugged his device and it fell silent. Anyway that was the last time i was allowed in a...

An Irishman, an Italian and a Polish man were sentenced to the chair!

The Irishman went first. They pulled the switch but nothing happened.

Surprised, they let him go.

The Italian guy went second. They pulled the switch but again nothing happened.

Now really surprised, they also let him go.

Finally, the Polish bloke enters and says,
"Fir...

My grandfather once said that we're starting to rely way too much on technology; that it's important we remind ourselves to live without it. I honestly had to agree with him.

So, I unplugged his life support.

"Doctor I haven't farted in 5 years."

A woman goes to the doctor and she reluctantly tells him, "Doctor I haven't farted in 5 years."

The doctor looks puzzled for a moment and he writes her a prescription. "Pick this up at your local pharmacy, and come back in a week."

A week later she comes back and says, "Doc I don't thi...

Tom was not the brightest kid in his school.

None of his classmates liked him. He was plain stupid when it came to even simplest stuff. His teacher always told him "you're driving me crazy".

One day, Tom's mother visited school and when she spoke to teacher, the teacher directly said: "Your child is absolutely stupid, not only his grad...

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I got tired of the beeps the computer at work made

So I unplugged it and when I did, the beep just went to one long beep and all the doctors and nurses are yelling, “What the fuck are you doing!?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Texan and a West Virginian are on death row…

And both are due to be executed the same night. The Texan is due to be executed first, via electric chair.

"Sir, I'd like to remind you that if three attempts go by and you are still alive, you will be free to go. Any last words?"

"I apologize to the victim's family."

The execut...

Everyone and everything has great potential

For example, today I was circulating through a furniture shop and saw an unplugged lamp that looked like it could really light up a room if only it was given the opportunity to shine

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The computer is connected to watt?

A man calls tech support and says, "I unplugged my space heater, and then my computer just blacked out!"

Tech support: Is the power strip that your computer's plugged into still lit?

User: Yes

Tech support: What happens if you move the mouse or press a key?

User: Noth...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Not Worth His Time. [long]

An insurance tycoon is on his deathbed in a vast lavish mansion. His final minutes tick by. His wife and children work away on funeral arrangements in the next room and speculate about their inheritance. His only company is a Young Attorney.

He struggles to wheeze out some final words to the ...

My friends and I just started a music group.

We're calling the band "Grandpa's Life Support." That way, if we ever have an acoustic album, it'll be called "Grandpa's Life Support: Unplugged."

Three murderers are on death row. The day rolls around for their execution. The first man sits in the electric chair and the priest says...

“Any last words?” The murderer exclaims “I’m innocent!” They pull the handle, but nothing happens. The electricity doesn’t run. The priest, astonished, says “that’s a 1 in a million chance, it must be a sign from god. you have be telling the truth.” And the first murderer is free to go.

The s...

An Irishman, an Italian, and a Polack...

An Irishman, an Italian and a Polack are on death row, awaiting electrocution.
The warden takes the first man, and asks him if he has any last words. He says, 'I'm innocent. Perhaps years from now, evidence will show I"m telling the truth'.
The warden says, 'Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what t...

the story of jimmy the dumb student

there once was a boy named jimmy who studied in an elementary school in a small town in oklahoma,

this kid was so stupid he didn't understand anything at all, no one liked him, his teacher ms. dorothy always yelled at him: "jimmy you're gonna give me a heart attack!"

one day his mom c...

Bosnian X-Files

In Sarajevo hospital, at intensive care unit, a patient would die every single Friday at exactly 11 PM, in the very same bed, no matter what their medical condition may have been.

Doctors became extremely worried because they couldn't determine causes of their deaths.

Time passed on a...

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