UPJOKE
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When I was a kid some guy said he slept with my mom last night. I told him he was a liar, cos I slept with my mom last night.

Looking back, I now realize what I said

Why was sin lying on top of cos at the beach?

They were tanning.

What did Sine and Cos say to each other?

Nothing; They just waved.

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Why are firefighters good at parties?

Because they always bring the hose.



(Repost cos I fucked up spellings first time)

I recently signed an apartment lease...

Below where I signed on the lease agreement I had my dad cosign

Now we're tan.

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There's a guy doing 60 in a 30 zone, so a policeman pulls him over Policeman says to driver: "I have reason to believe you've been doing drugs, sir." Driver replies: "Why, cos I'm black?!"

Policeman: "No, sir, cos you haven't got a fucking car."

What happened when Sin and Cos stayed out in the sun for too long?

They both became tanned gents!

I was in the car the other day with the Misses when she said to me " im sure the people in the car next to us are welsh" What makes you think that i said.

" well cos the kids in the back are writing "stit ruoy su wohs" on the window.........

Why was Jesus so pale?

Cos tan is a sin

Student: What is sin(q) / cos(q)?

Teacher: tan(q)
Student: You're Welcome

((cos^-2 x) - 1)^(1/2)

Sorry, I went off on a tangent

I need help with a 17 year old joke about Jello and Communism

So my friend and I started this game 17 years ago where you have to come up with a jello (we altered the rules to allow *some* pastries) that fit a communist theme.

Everytime we come up with a new one we swear there are none left. I know he cheats, cos I cheat too. My sister came up with Ban...

Why did the robot go to jail?

Cos he was charged with batterie

My friend: Why do you only use one of the trigonometric functions?

Me: Just ‘cos

Why does 1 equal 0?

cos 0 = 1

Why didn't the Pope go to the beach once he learnt trigonometry?

sin cos tan

The god I worship is d/dx(-cos(x))

Because whenever I need it, it always gives me a sine

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Suspended from school, was watching porn while solving for cos÷sin

I got cot.

Are you 1/(cos(c))?

Coz girl you're sec(c).

The other day I saw a guy with sin/cos on his arm...

... He had a really nice tan

Why was there a Covid-19 outbreak on the Death Star?

'Cos the Stormtroopers missed their shots.

Tacos are imaginary -- a mathematical proof

tan = sin / cos (definition of tangent)

ta = i / co (cancel n and s)

taco = i (multiply both sides by co)

My friend asked what the difference between sin 135 and cos 135

I told him, "just change the sine."

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Why did the trigonometrical ratio of a triangle go to jail?

Because cos B is a sexual offender.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

-0.89594417018


...


cos(789)

A Lawyer goes shooting and brings down a marvellous pheasant right on Farmer Joe's field...

Knowing the law, he goes over to the farmhouse and knocks on the door, farmer Joe opens, and the Lawyer speaks,

"Excuse me sir, but I'm a lawyer on a shoot, and I happen to have brought down a fairly marvellous pheasant over in your field yonder. Being a lawyer (I happen to have attended an e...

My wife left me because of my obsession with cowboys

But that's ok cos this town ain't big enough for the both of us.

Why did Pythagoras like math so much?

Just cos

Whats the capital of math?

Cos-Tan-Sinopel

Why are there no Walmarts in Afghanistan?

Cos there is a target on every corner

Do you know why they called it TikTok?

Cos in just a matter of seconds it steals all your data!

I asked my math teacher why 6 was afraid of 7.

She replied, “Approximately 0.3583679495453”.

I stared at her, confused. Seeing my confusion, she added, “You know, cos (789)”

Why should you be wary of Ash Ketchum when you're taking a shower?

Cos he might have a sneaky Pikachu

Why can you never watch a movie with your cat?

Cos they're always stepping on pause.

Kid: "Santa why do you have such a huge bag?"

Santa: "Cos I Only come once a year"

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Why are roses bushes always reproducing?

Cos they're so thorny

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Why did Japan not host the original Olympics?

Cos they always blur out the best parts.

Damn babe are you a Minneapolis police officer?

'Cos you're breathtaking..

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A mother was in the kitchen listening to her five year old playing with his new train set in the lounge.

She heard the train stop and her son saying "All of You bastards who want off, get off now 'cos we're in a hurry! And all of you bastards who are getting on, get on now 'cos we're going down the tracks"

The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this...

Pantera

If Dimebag Darrell joined a bank as an employee, he'd break a lot of records cos his processing time is 5 minutes a looooooooooooooooan

\m/

No one seems to want to help me look for my missing Greek lettuce

They keep telling me it's a lost cos.

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Why are we running out of toilet paper?

Cos when 1 person sneezes a 100 people shit themselves.

As a child I was obsessed with the difference between cosine and sine

As I got older I realized it was just a phase

A suicide bombing instructor addresses a group of new recruits.

"All right lads pay attention cos I'm only gonna show you this once"

Why doesn't santa have any children?

Cos he only comes once a year and that's down the chimney

Why is the oil price falling to below zero?

Imagine the following...you pay $500 today and commit to receiving an escort at your house in 15 days.
Cos your wife is traveling.
This is called a futures contract.

Unfortunately, lockdown came and your wife will be home for the next 60 days.

You do not want this woman to show...

Why do christian mathematicians hate summer?

It's sin cos tan.

Is it a sin to make math jokes?

Cos if so, tan I’m sorry.

What type of EMTs will touch up your makeup on the way to the hospital?

Cos-medics

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We all have to be careful because people are facing mental health issues from being isolated for so long

In fact, I have been discussing with the microwave and toaster during coffee break and we all agreed that things are getting hot.

I spoke with the window this morning cos it was very open about it.

I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on every...

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Google is a woman.

Cos it never lets you finish your sentence without offering a shit load of suggestions!

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Jack rings the boss one Friday and says "I can't come in to work today, I'm sick"

so the boss says OK and Jack turns up as normal on Monday. Next Friday though Jack rings in again and says "I can't come in to work today, I'm sick". This pattern repeats every week for a couple of months and eventually the boss calls Jack into his office and asks him what's the matter.

"Well...

My maths teacher never goes outside

I can tell, cos there's no sin of his tan

What is the trigonometry teacher’s favorite food?

COS Law!

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[NSFW] Jazz bar announces a competition for the vacancy of a pianist

Blues bar announces a competition for the vacancy of a pianist.

Lots of musicians come, including an old man in a really shabby suit. People start playing, and all of them kinda "meh". Then it's the old man's turn to play. He goes up the stage and announces:

\- Now I'm gonna play my s...

Why are sine waves not cosine waves?

cos sine waves are different.

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Little Johnny's neighbour had a baby but it was born without ears.

Little Johnny and his mum went to visit the baby but he was warned if he mentioned its ears he would be in trouble.
Johnny looked into the cot and said 'what a lovely baby, good feet hands and skin. How is his eyesight?'
The Baby's mother replied that it was perfect.
Jonny replied 'That's...

A stand-up comic gets a gig to perform at a old age home.

Soon into his act he notices that most of the old people there are pretty out of it so he tries to tell the same joke twice and people still laugh cos they have already forgotten that they just now heard it.

So he gets a kick out of it and keeps telling the same joke for half an hour and towa...

A mathematician spent his whole life trying to triangulate the location of hell.

He finally did cos sin.

A Husband was a bit embarrassed and told the Doctor he had trouble getting an Erection with his Wife and she was getting frustrated.

The Doc checked the man's blood pressure and other vitals, then after a thorough examination said he wanted to check with the Wife.

He took Her to another cubicle and asked her to disrobe.

Then he told her to turn all the way around slowly.

She did as instructed.

He then ...

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Man walks into a bank....

He goes to white haired lady " yeah...I wanna open a fucking bank account!"

Lady: "What did you say?"

Man: " I said I wanna open a fucking bank account!"

Lady: "You better watch your language or I'm gonna get the manager"

Man: "Why? cos I wanna open a fucking bank account...

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Why are the flat earthers always at the butt end of a joke?

Cos all their arguments fall flat.

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Why did the baker have brown hands?

Cos he kneaded a shit.

I just bought a rescue dog!

It must have previously been owned by a locksmith, ‘cos when I got home it made a bolt for the door.

Why don't birds have any painkillers?

Cos the parrots-eat -em-all.

What laptop does an astronaut use?

Macbook. ‘Cos you can’t open windows in space. Ciao Bella ciao

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Two Calculus Professors Are Grabbing Dinner Together

Two calculus professors are grabbing dinner together.

The first one says to the other: “Why do we teach our students calculus? They just cram it for the tests then forget it.”

The second professor says: “They don’t forget it after the final I’ll prove it to you. The next time the wai...

Are you a baby crocodile?

Cos yo momma weighs 400 pounds.

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