A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk a carton of eggs a quart of orange juice a head of romaine lettuce a 2 lb. can of coffee a 1 lb. package of bacon

As she was unloading her items onto the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her was watching.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict'...

My lady friend was thinking of smuggling some Mexican Romaine into the US due to the outbreak.

It's not a terrible idea, but I'm afraid that if she's caught they'll have to Caesar at the border.

What did the Romaine lettuce say to the other one after the outbreak?









































































Romaine calm...

I ran out of toilet paper

and started using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceberg, tomorrow romaines to be seen.

Fun Fact, in the country I was born we really used leaves as toilet paper

A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.

When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.

Dad joke

Does anyone else eat lettuce after you kill it or just hide the romaines?

Is it safe to eat salad yet?

It romaines to be seen.

years ago the devils lettuce was a term for marijuana

now it's romaine

Give a man a fish and you'll feed him for a day

Give a man a head of romaine lettuce and you'll feed him for the rest of his life

Why did the police officer shoot the iceberg lettuce?

Because it wouldn’t *Romaine* calm.

Farming vegetables can get hectic at times,

lettuce romaine calm.

E COLI OUTBREAK

Because of the E coli outbreak with romaine, convicts are abstaining from tossing anyone's salad

What do you call half a head of lettuce?

The Romaine-der

King of the Crouton

Bobby Hill asks his father, Hank:

"What are the primary ingredients in a Caesar salad?"

Hank Hill responds:

"Dang it Bobby, that's an easy one.
Romaine and romaine accessories"

I know that this tainted lettuce scare has everyone worried. But please, everyone...

Try to romaine calm.

A man is on his death sentence and gets to choose his last meal.

So he asks the guard for a romaine lettuce salad, but the guard replies "You can only choose a meal, not how you want to die."

Okay, we get it, there is some bad lettuce going around...

Everyone just needs to romaine calm.

According to experts, I've heard that marijuana can stop seizures...

And now, according to the CDC, romaine lettuce can stop Caesar's.

Nicki Minaj is pregnant with Sam 'n Ella twins.

After apparently a guy named Romaine tossed her salad.

You have to lettuce go.

We don’t want to romaine here anymore.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Fuck it I don't care what they say I'm going to eat this lettuce!"

"Only the strong will *Romaine*!"

edit: 'will' not 'with' damn auto predict text , I TRUSTED you.

I'm sick of people freaking out about this bad lettuce

If everyone can romaine calm that would be greatly appreciated

What did the cop say to the criminal salad?

Lettuce see your hands! You have the right to romaine silent.

Why did Lady Gaga throw the lettuce out

Cuz it was a bad romaine

Whenever I meet a new girl things go great until they find out about my lettuce fetish. I like to stroke and kiss and cuddle those beautiful leafy heads of green.

Every time when they find out they refuse to join in and then they leave.

I guess I’m fated to forever romaine alone.

If Billy has 7 heads of lettuce and 3 friends...

.... he can give each of them 2 heads of lettuce with a romaine-der of 1.

What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of caesar salad?

The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them...

I thought marijuana was the devil's lettuce

But now it's legal and Romaine is banned

Did you hear about the salad who went missing?

All they found were its chard romaines

A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.

We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.

With all the lettuce that’s being banned...

I guess we are seeing the second fall of the Romaine empire.

A Caesar salad walks in to a bar

A piece of Romaine stabs him in the back

My girlfriend tried to sneak leafy greens into another country on our vacation...

...I thought customs was gonna Caeser salad, but they let it romaine.

My father and I were at the grocery store and he told me "All he has to left to get is lettuce"

I asked him "Oh, is that all that romaines?"

I just got subscription to a Magazine About lettuce...

...I mean, It's fun to leaf through, and full of crisp facts -*And that's just issue 1!* The publishers assure me that it's only the tip of the iceberg! Gee, I can't wait for issue 2 to see what facts romaine!

lettuce jokes

thought I would make up some jokes about lettuce. Just cos

I thought that joke was as bad as the titanic which hit an iceburg

But clearly you guys thought it was a little gem

Unfortunately no more lettuce jokes Romaine

So I'm gonna leaf

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