What do you call lice that lives in a bald man’s head?

Homeless

They've discovered a new strain of head lice, but they haven't found a cure yet

It's got scientists scratching their heads.

Lice have become resistant to most conventional forms of treatment

Scientists are scratching their heads.

If the plural or mouse is mice, and the plural of louse is lice...

What does it really mean if my spouse wants to spice things up?

I have absolutely no idea how I got lice.

It’s a real head scratcher.

Hey girl, are you lice?

Because you can’t get out of my head

Two lice meet after many years and discuss about their lives.

The first one looks very healthy, while the other one is very sick.

"You look terrible", says the first one. "Why is that?".

"Well, I live in the mustache of a Harley Davidson motorcyclist, who rides all the time and the cold wind makes me get sick. How about you? You look so healthy"....

Crab lice on holidays

Two crab lice agree to meet on the beach in Florida for Summer holidays. One already being there, the other arrives all shivering.

"Why are you shivering?" asks the first.

The second answers: "I arrived in a motorcyclist moustache... I alsmost froze to death..."

" That's stupid,...

A recent study was released on head lice stating that 95% of lice populations are resistant to treatment.

Scientists are scratching their heads trying to figure out how this happened.

A policeman pulled me over

What do you do for a living, sir?



It's a strange profession, you have probably never heard of it. But I'm an insect blender.



An... insect blender?



Yes, I combine insects for a living



Right...



A few minutes later I reached int...

'One day, in ancient Egypt, Bastet went to her temple for a meal, but found that her priests were late.'

'She was quite annoyed, but they had served her well for many years, so when one of her priests arrived, she gave him the opportunity to explain himself.

'"Oh, great Bastet, please show mercy on us, your humble servants! A stranger with a strange god has come and is making demands of the Pha...

A wimpy kid wears a Santa hat to school.

All the girls are giggling and talking to him, he's in heaven!

Then the school bully, jealous of the attention, snatches the hat and says , " You don't care if I wear this, do you?"

The kid says " Do you have head lice?"

"No!" says the bully.

" Well you do now! Merry Chri...

What do the brave men, and women who protect our towns and cities have in common with some very small bugs that get stuck in Edgar Allan Poe's hair have in common?

They're both Po-Lice.

* my wife kicked me out of the car shortly after telling you this joke. Crazy part about it is I was driving at the time.

I'm very good at remembering random facts.

For example, there are 3,500 different types of lice.

And that's just off the top of my head.

An American, a Chinese, a Russian, a German and a Syrian passenger are on a train...

The American starts to toss legal documents out the train's window.

The German asks, "Vy are you doing zat?"

The American replies, "We have too much of these."

---

Then the Chinese begins throwing rice out the window.

The German asks, "Vy are you doing zat now?"...

Language Lessons

Two restaurants face each other across a city street. Every day the owner of the Greek restaurant, Nick, brings out his specials board, looks across the street at the Chinese restaurant and calls out to the owner:

"Hey, Chan! What comes with your specials today?"

"Flied lice!"
<...

TIL Asians regularly eat insects

I heard they love lice

POLICE ROADBLOCK

Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said, "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a po-lice roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!" "Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish dr...

What kind of parasites do gangstas get?

Thug Lice.

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