Lice Jokes

Because you can’t get out of my head

American Hairlines

Homeless

They just appeared out of thin hair.

The temple

haha.

-My Friend Devon

One is a blood sucking parasite that is hard to get out of your hair, and the other can be killed with a special shampoo.

Researchers are scratching their heads over that one.

That has left scientists scratching their heads.

The first one looks very healthy, while the other one is very sick.

"You look terrible", says the first one. "Why is that?".

"Well, I live in the mustache of a Harley Davidson motorcyclist, who rides all the time and the cold wind makes me get sick. How about you? You look so healthy".... read more

Say the lice.

makes scientists all over the world scratch their head

... right off the top of my head.

Two crab lice agree to meet on the beach in Florida for Summer holidays. One already being there, the other arrives all shivering.

"Why are you shivering?" asks the first.

The second answers: "I arrived in a motorcyclist moustache... I alsmost froze to death..."

" That's stupid,... read more

But that's just me nitpicking.

What do you do for a living, sir?



It's a strange profession, you have probably never heard of it. But I'm an insect blender.



An... insect blender?



Yes, I combine insects for a living



Right...



A few minutes later I reached int... read more

WII U WII U WII U WII U WII U WII U

I guess he just lost his lust for lice

For example, there are 3,500 different types of lice.

And that's just off the top of my head.

Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said, "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a po-lice roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!" "Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish dr... read more

What does it really mean if my spouse wants to spice things up?

Two restaurants face each other across a city street. Every day the owner of the Greek restaurant, Nick, brings out his specials board, looks across the street at the Chinese restaurant and calls out to the owner:

"Hey, Chan! What comes with your specials today?"

"Flied lice!"
<... read more

They're both Po-Lice.

* my wife kicked me out of the car shortly after telling you this joke. Crazy part about it is I was driving at the time.

All the girls are giggling and talking to him, he's in heaven!

Then the school bully, jealous of the attention, snatches the hat and says , " You don't care if I wear this, do you?"

The kid says " Do you have head lice?"

"No!" says the bully.

" Well you do now! Merry Chri... read more

The American starts to toss legal documents out the train's window.

The German asks, "Vy are you doing zat?"

The American replies, "We have too much of these."

---

Then the Chinese begins throwing rice out the window.

The German asks, "Vy are you doing zat now?"... read more

Because when he is in the bed, he is under cover.

I heard they love lice

'She was quite annoyed, but they had served her well for many years, so when one of her priests arrived, she gave him the opportunity to explain himself.

'"Oh, great Bastet, please show mercy on us, your humble servants! A stranger with a strange god has come and is making demands of the Pha... read more