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I'm glad the short form of cockroach is roach and not the other way around.

I dont think people want to hear 'There's a cock in my bedroom'

How many roaches does it take to change a lightbulb?

Nobody knows. Once it turns on they all scatter.

Do you know why roach clips are called roach clips?

Because potholders was already taken.

Just tried to kill a roach with Axe body spray.

Now it’s name is Brett, and he won’t shut up about CrossFit.

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A man walks into an insect shop...

and asks for several bags of cockroaches.

"What are you using all the cockroaches for?" the cashier asks.

"Well..." the man said, "the landlord asked I leave his property the same way I found it."

A baby roach asks his dad what happens if they get sprayed with Raid.

Papa Roach said, “Suffocation, no breathing.”

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What's the difference between a roach and a cockroach?

One of them's a little dick.

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An oldie I haven't seen here yet...

So this lady is driving along when BAM one of her tyres gets a puncture so she pulls over to the side of the road. She takes off the wheel with the flat tyre so she can change to her spare, but just as she takes it off a big dog runs past and knocks all 4 lug nuts down a nearby drain.

As she ...

What did the roach say after a series of disappointing hotel stays?

This is my last resort.

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Thats a Bug

\*\*Scientist: Dick Bug\*\*


Other Scientist: no


\*\*Scientist: Penis Beetle\*\*


Other Scientist: no


\*\*Scientist: Cock Roach\*\*


Other Scientist: fine whatever

Why do they call a roach clip a roach clip?

'Cause the name "Pot Holder" was already taken.

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What happens when you take the roach out of cockroach

You get a dead bug

What did the professional diving roach say to his captain right before being lost to the sea?

Suffocation, no breathing, this is my last report.

How many roaches does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Don’t know, as soon as the light comes on, they all scatter.

Why do they call "roach-clips", "roach-clips"???

because potholder was already taken.

I know it's like a venn diagram of drug jokes and dad jokes.

If Papa Roach goes on their final vacation

is it to their last resort?

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3 Roaches are having a race around a toilet bowl

The first roach finishes with hardly breaking a sweat in about 5 minutes.

The second roach crosses the finish five minutes after that and is starting to sweat.

The third roach comes in fifteen minutes after him completely soaked and visibly mad.

The first two roaches ask "What ...

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That's a huge cockroach

Thanks - Roach.

I have ranked the greatest musicians of all time in order:

Nelly

Erika Badu

Vanilla Ice

Eminem

Rhianna




Green Day

Oasis

Nirvana

Nine inch Nails

Aerosmith



George Strait

Ilene Woods

Vince Gill

Enya



Yoko ono

Otis Redding

U...

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A cockroach can survive a nuclear holocaust, but if you swat it with a newspaper it would die instantly

This shows how toxic the media is

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How does one call a female COCK-roach?

A henroach. No pussy joke here, you dirty pervert.

Why is something that keeps you from burning your fingers on a joint called a roach clip?

Because potholder was already taken

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A boy killed a bee

Dad:”that’s it son no honey for a week!”

Son:*kills butterfly*

Dad:”NO BUTTER FOR A WEEK”

A few days go by and then the son runs up to his dad trying to tell him something

Son: “dad! dad! dad! mom killed a cock roach!!”

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Three roaches and a woman.

These three roaches all live among this dirty woman. Every now and then, the three roaches get together and shoot the shit. This time they convened at her belly button. Sitting around the navel like a campfire the roaches begin to speak.

The first roach says,
"God my home sucks. I live u...

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Teacher: that's a really big cockroach!

Roach: So I've been told miss.

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A little boy...

A little boy kills a butterfly.
Dad says : "No butter for you for a week!"

The little boy then kills a honeybee.
Dad says : "No honey for you for a week!"

Mom kills a cockroach.
The little boy asks : "Are you going to tell her or should I say it for you?"

Why did the exterminator go to the Pothead's house?

Because there were roaches everywhere.

Two roaches

Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant."I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere--it's so sanitary that the whole pla...

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Write it down, folks. It's a good one!

From the legendary Hal Roach:

Paddy Flanagan is the first man in his small country town to buy a motorcycle and he takes his friend Seamus for a ride.

They are buzzing along through the glens and hills when Seamus begs for a break. "The wind is coming through my jacket and cutting me ...

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Little Johnny, No!

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!" Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad. ...

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The naming of a new species of insect...

Scientist 1: Let's name it Dick-bug. Scientist 2: No we're not naming it Dick-bug. Scientist 1: Penis-insect. Scientist 2: Goddammit Richard no! Scientist 1: Cock-roach. Scientist 2: You know what! Fine, we'll name it cock-roach!

QUITTING COFFEE

I'm trying to quit because I found out they're using caffeine as an insecticide now. They're spraying it over the crops in Texas to kill the bugs. I said, 'I'm putting that in my body every day?' Just to prove I'm wrong, the other night in my apartment, I took a cup of coffee, poured it all along th...

Snoop Dogg must have the call the exterminator pretty frequently

He's been dealing with a lot of roaches over the years.

Why does Motel 6 leave the light on for you?

It keeps the roaches in hiding.

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A family of cockroaches has been traveling up and down the Vegas strip for several months.

Their time was spent visiting the many hotels and resorts that Vegas has to offer.

They only stayed at each hotel for a few weeks before moving on, because they didnt want to attract the attention of exterminators. However, by the third month of this nomadic lifestyle, the parent roaches sta...

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Two cockroaches run into each other in a week old baguette

One says to the other, 'Hey, I thought I was the only roach from around these parts. Where you from?'

The other responds, 'Who, me? I was born in bread right here.'

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