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Roach Jokes

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I'm glad the short form of cockroach is roach and not the other way around.

I dont think people want to hear 'There's a cock in my bedroom'

Just tried to kill a roach with Axe body spray.

Now it’s name is Brett, and he won’t shut up about CrossFit.

Do you know why roach clips are called roach clips?

Because potholders was already taken.

Why is it called a roach clip?

Because pot holder was taken

Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley.

"I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless, the floors are gleaming white. It's so sanitary the whole place shines."

"Please," said the other roach, frowning. "Not while I'm eating!"

Baby Roach: "Papa, what happens if the humans spray us with Raid?"

Papa Roach: "Suffocation. No breathing."

How many roaches does it take to change a lightbulb?

Nobody knows. Once it turns on they all scatter.

Why do they call "roach-clips", "roach-clips"???

because potholder was already taken.

I know it's like a venn diagram of drug jokes and dad jokes.

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Thats a Bug

\*\*Scientist: Dick Bug\*\*


Other Scientist: no


\*\*Scientist: Penis Beetle\*\*


Other Scientist: no


\*\*Scientist: Cock Roach\*\*


Other Scientist: fine whatever

How many roaches does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Can't tell, as soon as the light goes on, they scatter!

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My 11 yo just made this up....

If grasshoppers eat grass, what do cockroaches eat?

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Three roaches and a woman.

These three roaches all live among this dirty woman. Every now and then, the three roaches get together and shoot the shit. This time they convened at her belly button. Sitting around the navel like a campfire the roaches begin to speak.

The first roach says,
"God my home sucks. I live u...

I was visiting my boyfriend the other night when I asked him if I could have a newspaper.

“I don’t waste my money on newspapers. Just use my MacBook Pro."

I can tell you this: That roach never knew what hit him.

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3 Roaches are having a race around a toilet bowl

The first roach finishes with hardly breaking a sweat in about 5 minutes.

The second roach crosses the finish five minutes after that and is starting to sweat.

The third roach comes in fifteen minutes after him completely soaked and visibly mad.

The first two roaches ask "What ...

What did the professional diving roach say to his captain right before being lost to the sea?

Suffocation, no breathing, this is my last report.

I have ranked the greatest musicians of all time in order:

Nelly

Erika Badu

Vanilla Ice

Eminem

Rhianna




Green Day

Oasis

Nirvana

Nine inch Nails

Aerosmith



George Strait

Ilene Woods

Vince Gill

Enya



Yoko ono

Otis Redding

U...

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That's a huge cockroach

Thanks - Roach.

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What's the difference between a roach and a cockroach?

One of them's a little dick.

Why is something that keeps you from burning your fingers on a joint called a roach clip?

Because potholder was already taken

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An oldie I haven't seen here yet...

So this lady is driving along when BAM one of her tyres gets a puncture so she pulls over to the side of the road. She takes off the wheel with the flat tyre so she can change to her spare, but just as she takes it off a big dog runs past and knocks all 4 lug nuts down a nearby drain.

As she ...

My Wife's cooking is so bad

If you left Dental Floss in the kitchen



The Roaches would hang themselves!

If Papa Roach goes on their final vacation

is it to their last resort?

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How does one call a female COCK-roach?

A henroach. No pussy joke here, you dirty pervert.

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A little boy...

A little boy kills a butterfly.
Dad says : "No butter for you for a week!"

The little boy then kills a honeybee.
Dad says : "No honey for you for a week!"

Mom kills a cockroach.
The little boy asks : "Are you going to tell her or should I say it for you?"

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What do you get at the end of a joint of dick weed?

Cock roach.

QUITTING COFFEE

I'm trying to quit because I found out they're using caffeine as an insecticide now. They're spraying it over the crops in Texas to kill the bugs. I said, 'I'm putting that in my body every day?' Just to prove I'm wrong, the other night in my apartment, I took a cup of coffee, poured it all along th...

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A boy and his father are playing catch

A boy and his father were playing catch in the front yard when the
boy saw a honey bee. He ran over and stomped it.


"That was a honey bee," his father said,"one of our friends, and for
stomping him you will do without honey for a week."


Later the boy saw a butterfly so ...

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The naming of a new species of insect...

Scientist 1: Let's name it Dick-bug. Scientist 2: No we're not naming it Dick-bug. Scientist 1: Penis-insect. Scientist 2: Goddammit Richard no! Scientist 1: Cock-roach. Scientist 2: You know what! Fine, we'll name it cock-roach!

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Old pocket watch stopps to work and needs a repairservice.

When a old men had given his watch to the watchmaker for a service and the guy tells him that a cockroach is in there witch stoped the clock. The old men answers: Oh yes i understand the operater is dead, so the watch cant work anymore. Did you have spare roaches?

What is a pothead's favorite bug?

A Roach

Why did the exterminator go to the Pothead's house?

Because there were roaches everywhere.

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A boy killed a bee

Dad:”that’s it son no honey for a week!”

Son:*kills butterfly*

Dad:”NO BUTTER FOR A WEEK”

A few days go by and then the son runs up to his dad trying to tell him something

Son: “dad! dad! dad! mom killed a cock roach!!”

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Little Johnny, No!

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!" Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad. ...

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A family of cockroaches has been traveling up and down the Vegas strip for several months.

Their time was spent visiting the many hotels and resorts that Vegas has to offer.

They only stayed at each hotel for a few weeks before moving on, because they didnt want to attract the attention of exterminators. However, by the third month of this nomadic lifestyle, the parent roaches sta...

Snoop Dogg must have the call the exterminator pretty frequently

He's been dealing with a lot of roaches over the years.

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Two cockroaches run into each other in a week old baguette

One says to the other, 'Hey, I thought I was the only roach from around these parts. Where you from?'

The other responds, 'Who, me? I was born in bread right here.'

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Write it down, folks. It's a good one!

From the legendary Hal Roach:

Paddy Flanagan is the first man in his small country town to buy a motorcycle and he takes his friend Seamus for a ride.

They are buzzing along through the glens and hills when Seamus begs for a break. "The wind is coming through my jacket and cutting me ...

Why does Motel 6 leave the light on for you?

It keeps the roaches in hiding.

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