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Freshman Jokes

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A freshman at Harvard wanted to go to the library

So he stopped and asked a senior student, “Do you know where the library is at?”

The senior looks disgustingly at him, and, with a snobbish tone replied, “Hmph! We here at Harvard never end our sentences with prepositions!”

“I’m sorry”, the freshman apologises, “I meant to say, do you ...

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A freshman is talking to the new girl in school.

“You’ll like it here,” he tells her. “Everyone is pretty chill, the teachers are all nice, but the principal is kind of a moron.”



“Do you know who I am?” the girl asks her new classmate. “I’m the daughter of the principal.”



The boy is silent and then asks her, “Do you k...

Being a freshman everyone always told me first year would go quickly...

but I didn’t realise it would ZOOM

(im sorry)

Freshman from rival colleges...

...were each camping out around their fires on opposite banks of a river.

The freshman on the left bank got to talking. The first student points toward the river and says, "You know, I heard that the students that go to that school are all idiots."

The second student says "Yeah! I hear...

Whose the idiot?

The beginning of the first class in college a professor wanted to stir things up, to make a point he said “If there are any idiots in this room, will you please stand up"

After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?", inq...

A college freshman is trying out for the college football team.

"Can you run fast?" asks the coach. In response, the freshman runs along the length of the field in just over twelve seconds.

"Can you tackle?" asks the coach. In response, the freshman tackles a large dead tree and reduces it to a pile of sawdust.

"Can you pass the football?" asks the...

In my freshman year of college...

I lived in a dorm with other students. The guys were on the top floor and the girls were on the bottom floor. Unfortunately, the dorms were quite run down, and some mice began to infiltrate the girls' rooms. The girls set up traps to catch the mice, but they were not keen on throwing out the capture...

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A freshman college woman is midway through the semester...

...and at her current rate of academic performance she's going to fail one of her classes. So after class she approaches the professor, a mid 40s man, and says "professor, I'll do anything to pass this class." The professor replies "My office hours are on the syllabus, you're free to come by and tal...

Freshman Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-Colo.)

What’s the old saying, “Better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and holster and remove all doubt.”???

Remember when we worried about the Freshman 15 in college?

Well now it's the *Covid 19.*

A Freshman Seminar Professor Was Trying To Wow His Students

He told them, "In the English Language, a double negative equals a positive. For example, I didn't not do it equals I did it. But no double positive in English equals a negative."

A student in the back shouted, "YEAH, RIGHT!"

On the first day of school, the college dean addressed the freshman class to explain some of the campus rules.

"The women's dormitory
is off-limits to male students and the men's
dormitory is off-limits to female students," he
intoned. "Am body caught breaking this rule
will be fined $20 the first time, $60 the second
lime and $180 the third time. Does anyone
have any questions?
A male s...

A college freshman in the year 2034 opens a bottle of cheapo vodka and immediately exclaims:

Smells just like my childhood!

My friend's wellness teacher asked him in freshman year what the most common STD in the world was...

Apparently, pregnancy was the wrong answer.

Four freshman partied too hard during a music festival and unable to make it back for their final exam the next day

As they drove back to the college, they tried to think of a good excuse. Finally, they agreed to the same story: a tire was blown in the middle of nowhere at mid night so they were stuck. They each sent the professor an email asking to retake the exam and gave the excuse. The understanding professor...

You've heard of the Freshman 15

But wait until quarantine is over and you'll find out about the CoVid-19.

The only thing worse than the freshman 15...

...Is the freshman 9 lbs., 3 oz.

The difference between a freshman girls cross country team and a litter of baby foxes?

One is a bunch of cunning little runts...

For my graduating class' 20th reunion, we're digging up our time capsule from freshman year

I cant wait to see how big my dog Sparky got

I asked a math major freshman friend this morning, "So what's your four-year plan in college?"

ohhh you mean my Four-Year Transform or Four-Year Series?

Harvard Bridge

The Harvard Bridge in Boston that runs to MIT is measured in "smoots," after a 1958 fraternity prank where freshman Oliver Smoot was used as a device to measure the bridge.

There are various humorous side stories, such as:

1. when the bridge was rehabbed in the 1980s, the sidewalks wer...

A chemistry professor posted a bonus question to an exam:

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know ...

Football

The huge college freshman decided to try out for the football team. “Can you tackle?” asked the coach. “Watch this,” said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters. “Wow,” said the coach. “I'm impressed. Can you run?” “ Of course I can run,” said th...

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A first-year college student found himself repeatedly impressed by the wit and wisdom of the philosophy majors he'd met...

A first-year college student found himself repeatedly impressed by the wit and wisdom of the philosophy majors he'd met. One day he plucked up the nerve to ask one of them, "So how come all you philosophy majors are so smart?" 

"Oh, that's no mystery," the philosophy major answered. "We've al...

Nerdy cell pickup lines

- These were some of my biology notes from freshman year. I actually remembered the functions from these jokes

Are u a golgi apparatus? Cause I need help processing my feelings for u

Are we proteins in a golgi apparatus? Cause we’re being shipped

I hope you aren’t a controsome c...

You have to go to college

me: you have to go to college

son: but why though?

me: to be able get nice things (shows him my watch) you see this?

son: yeah

me: I stole this from my roommate freshman year

(From Internet)

Freshman Congresswoman Rashida Tlaib is in trouble with the Secret Service for using the words "Mother F**ker"

Apparently, they weren't happy she revealed Mike Pence's code word

Homecomeback

It was the annual homecoming dance at the local high school gym. Most of the young folk were out on the dance floor but a few young men and women lined the sides of the gym, hoping for a dance partner to ask them out onto the dance floor. After waiting anxiously for quite a while, a rather awkward f...

What is the difference between a 14 year old boy in the U.S. and one in Mexico?

A 14 year old boy in the U.S. is a freshman and one in Mexico is a señor

A college guy meets a hot chick at a frat party

They end up in her dorm knocking boots; he’s living every freshmans dream! After a breather, he notices the girl has tears in her eyes. He asks her what’s up and she says “I haven’t been truthful to you; I was raised as Christian” he shrugs. “ so? College life’s about experimenting and finding yours...

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Does your Dick reach your Asshole?

A boy passes Freshman year of high school with an A, so happily he goes to father asking for a 100 dollars so he can party with his friends.
Father asks him, "Does your Dick reach your Asshole?" to which the boy obviously says no. So the father denies his request.

In the Sophomore year the...

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Knock knock. "Who's there?" Pizza. "Pizza who?"

Pete's a fucking asshole. He promised me that he would cover my shifts during this outbreak, but apparently we weren't eligible for government benefits due to some shady shit in his past. So instead of handling it like a GOOD ~~manager~~ HUMAN BEING, he decides to double up my shifts. Which, of cour...

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There is this child in 1st grade and he's doing poorly in school.

His dad is concerned and asked what he can do to help. The child tells his father "Dad, if you get me 2 pink ping pong balls, I'll get my grades up." The child gets 2 pink ping pong balls and gets his grades up and moves onto second grade.

In 2nd grade, he's not doing well again. He tells his...

Calculus Joke

Two professors are at a restaurant, arguing about the state of education today. "Nobody learns calculus anymore," lamented the first. "That's not true," replied the second, "it's part of the freshman curriculum."

"Okay, I'll tell you what," offered the first professor, "we'll ask the waitre...

An old engineering professor ...

An old engineering professor was welcoming the incoming class of freshman. "I've been teaching here for over 50 years and have seen some dramatic change over that time. When I started, less than 5% of the class was female, and they all looked like they were kicked in the face by a horse.

"T...

A girl and her boyfriend go to the hospital...

The girl goes in to the hospital to donate plasma. The boyfriend goes in to donate sperm.

Once they're finished, they get back together and discuss their profits. The girl says, "I got $30 to donate some plasma." The boyfriend then says to her, "I got $125 to donate sperm." Enraged, the girl ...

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Biology Class

In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen.

A young female (freshman) raised her hand and asked "If I understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose in male semen as in sugar ?"

"That's correct", responded the prof, going on to add stat...

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College Football Jokes - Enjoy!

Don't know where they came from, but they are worth a chuckle or two.

> Ohio State's
> Urban Meyer on one of his players: "He doesn't know
> the meaning of the word
> fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn't know
> the meaning of a lot of
> words...

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Hanging in the hallway at a high school are...

...the basketball team pictures from the past decades. A player in the center of the front row in each picture holds a basketball identifying the year -- "92-93," "93-94," "94-95," etc.

One day the principal spotted a freshman looking curiously at the photos.

Turning to the principal, ...

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3 guys go to hell...

3 guys go to hell, and the devil greets them for orientation.
"You each came here for different reasons" he says, "but I'm going to let you pick one vice, and you can do that, but ONLY that, for eternity."

So he goes to the first guy, who was an alcoholic, and after a moment of thought th...

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A Russian professor...

...is starting his term at an American university. He is assigned to teach an introductory calculus sequence for freshman.

"What topics should I cover?", he asks a few colleagues.

"Oh, simple stuff" they say; "start off with some facts about the real numbers, move into limits and dif...

Kids going to prom

So there was kid that was going to prom with his high school girlfriend. They had been together since freshman year. He was captain of the football team; she was head of the cheer squad. So, about a week before senior prom, the kid is getting everything ready. He goes to rent a tuxedo from the tux s...

Joe goes to prom

Joe has had a crush on Ashley since fourth grade but never said anything. Prom is coming up and she recently broke up with her boyfriend that she'd been dating since freshman year. Joe decided that if he was going to make a move it was now or never. He worked up the courage to go up to Ashley and as...

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