Instead of water, I put redbull in the the back of my coffee maker this morning
I was halfway to work before I realized I forgot my car.
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?" She replied, "Yeah..."
"But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now!"
When I was a kid, I goofed around with my dad’s coffee maker before he got done cleaning it.
I managed to get myself grounded.
Wife: "Why is this giant bra on the coffee maker?"
Husband: "You said you needed k cups."
I’m designing a coffee maker that tells you a joke as it’s percolating.
I call it the Brew-HaHa.
How do you make a coffee maker cry?
With a very dark roast.
My wife told me that before I come to bed, she'd like me to start the dishwasher, set the coffee maker, and bring her some water.
I said, "Ok, but I'm bound to forget one of those two things."
Why doesn't a coffee maker need that third prong on its electrical plug?
The beans are ground.
In the morning, I used to use one of those automatic things that makes you coffee, but it made this horrible screeching noise in your ear.
So I divorced her and bought myself a coffee maker
I am looking for other military jokes.
**What's The Difference?**
Do you want to know the difference between the branches of the U.S. military? If you say to them "Secure that building!"
* THE ARMY will go in kicking down doors, lay down suppressive fire, neutralize all hostiles and safely recover any civilians. * THE...
Working Redditors: What is your favorite joke about your own profession?
Retired U.S. Air Force here and this is my favorite military joke:
The biggest difference between the branches of the U.S. Armed Forces is that if you give the order to **"Secure that building!"**
* The Army will kick the doors down, enter with weapons drawn, eliminate all hostiles...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
OC: By a hobo, to a hobo, about a hobo (a Melvin tale)
(This story was told to me by my friend Mondo, about our mutual friend Melvin. We're all hobos here, living on the streets in the affluent community of Roseville, California. If you're ever in the area and you see a frail old man carrying a massive green rucksack, give ol' Melvin a beer for me. He w...
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