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How do you get a penis out of a wine bottle?

Thanks in advance

A trooper pulls over a priest and immediately smells alcohol on his breath. The next thing he notices is an empty wine bottle on the passenger seat. "Have you been drinking?" the trooper asks. "Just water!", the priest replies. "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and shouts, "Praise the Lord, He's done it again!"

How are cats like empty wine bottles?

I'm probably gonna die surrounded by both.

I gave a wine bottle to a really hot girl yesterday

I should have probably given her a bottle of water because the wine didn't help with the fire.

I bought six wine bottles in the supermarket.

The cashier said, 'Do you want a box?'

I said, 'Alright, buddy, but I'm not much of a fighter.'

A Rabbi And A Priest Get Into A Huge Car Accident

After both of them crawl out of their cars, the rabbi looks and the priest and says:

"Look at that! Both of our cars are completely demolished, and yet here we are alive and well! This must be a sign from God that we should become good friends!"

The Priest, looking at the total wrecka...

A cowboy walks into a bar and brings his pet alligator with him.

He places the alligator on the bar and turns to the astonished patrons.

“You are about to see something amazing,” the cowboy announced. “This alligator is specially trained. I’m going to take out my junk and he will bite down on it and still leave it completely unscathed. In return for this s...

My son is taking part in a political social experiment...

He has to wear a Bernie 2020 t-shirt for 2 weeks and see how people react. So far he's be spit on, punched and had a wine bottle thrown at him!



I am curious to see what happens when he goes outside.

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Three idiots, from the Midwest, I’ll have to call them idiots because their shenanigans were exactly that, idiotic...

Nothing to do with them being from the Midwest but more to do with the fact that they were midway into their cups.

One summer day as they lay in a field somewhere, taking in some sun, each with a half drunk bottle of wine in them they began to get bored.

Idiot No #1 says to idiots, #2 ...

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3 hookers are at a bar

They are each taking shots until one talks about how she can take the biggest cock. She says "I can by far take the largest cock, I can fit a whole remote in my vag"

The second hooker says "Thats nothing I can fit a whole wine bottle in my vag and not even feel it"

The third hooker si...

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An Irishman walks into a bar...

An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick. “No,” replied the Irishman “I’ve lost all me luggage!” “How’d that happen?” “The cork fell out!” said the Irishman.

An Irish p...

Two friends, one is a religionist, the other is a heretic

Despite their huge difference they were best friends since childhood. While religionist one praying, the heretic one drinking all the time and hanging out with hookers. The heretic one suddenly died one day and religionist one prayed so much for him as he has been doing everyday.
When the religi...

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Three men are trekking across the desert... [Long]

Two of them are thirsty, but the last is holding an empty wine bottle, and is drunk af. Suddenly, a holy light shines down on them, and St. Peter appears.

"There's not a drop of water around for miles" he says. "But I have a task for each of you: if you complete them, you will be granted enou...

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Fattest Pig Contest

One day 3 farmers are coming back from town when they see a sign for the County Fair coming next month, right below the main advert is another for a Fattest Pig Contest. The farmers have pigs on their farm so they think they should enter.

When they get back to the farm the first farmer goes ...

If I ever go missing...

I would like my photo but on wine bottles instead of milk cartons. This way my friends will know where to look for me.

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