“The Government” is mandating that I set my clocks back before I go to bed tonight, but I’m going to do MY OWN research, thank you very much.

My clocks, my choice.

A man got arrested for destroying all of the clocks in his neighborhood.

When he was asked why he did such a thing the man replied:
I just wanted to kill some time.

A man goes to Heaven and meets Jesus.

Upon arriving at the pearly gates, Jesus said, "Come on in. I'll show you around. I really think you'll like it here."

Walking through the gates, the man noticed that there were clocks everywhere. It appeared that Heaven was nothing more than a giant clock warehouse.

Surprised at how H...

The book I ordered about clocks finally came in.

It's about time.

So my neighbor taped some clocks and watches on his belt

Guess you might call that a Waist of Time

I love oversized clocks,

big time.

The other day I saw a huge sign advertising a bunch of clocks.

I guess it's just a sign of the times.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy dies and enters Heaven. Upon opening his eyes, he sees thousands of clocks on the walls. Also noticed that the minute and hour hands on each clock are turning at different speeds....some slow and some faster. Guy asks St Peter what the clocks mean.....[NSFW]

St Peter explains that every time you masturbated, the clock would turn one complete rotation. Guy asks where his clock is. St Peter replies, “we use your clock as a bathroom fan.”

Clocks, Trump, and Heaven

A guy dies and goes to heaven. It's a slow day for St. Peter, so, upon passing the entrance test, St. Peter says, "I'm not very busy today, why don't you let me show you around?" The guy thinks this is a great idea and graciously accepts the offer. St. Peter shows him all the sights, the golf course...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I never thought it was possible for clocks to have sex

But when the time came, I finally knew

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The softcore porn flick where everyone is dressed as clocks and wristwatches FINALLY got released! I've been waiting FOREVER.

It's about fucking time.

Just A Man Shopping With His Wife

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to the local grocery store. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the follow...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Colonel Reichman, an interrogation specialist for the German army, was walking around in a quaint little Swiss village one day during WWII. He spots a little shop selling clocks and watches and decides to enter.

Inside, the owner, a lady standing behind the counter, immediately recognizes who he is and welcomes him into the shop, asking how she can be of assistance.

"Frauline,” he starts "Deez are all very nice little clocks and vatches you have in here, but ze von I am interested in is zat big grand...

Heaven clocks

A man dies and goes to heaven. As he arrives there an angel is waiting for him to give him a tour. They enter through the golden gates and go inside a big bright building. There were a big number of clocks running at different speeds and the man was puzzled. He asked the angel what they were.
...

How do you know people enjoy eating clocks?

They're always having seconds.

How do clocks sneeze?

Watch-oo!

Why do clocks get Covid?

Their hands are on their faces.

Why don't people eat clocks?

It's too time consuming

A man dies and goes to heaven, where he is greeted by billions of clocks and Saint Peter waiting for him.

"What are all of clocks for?" The man asked St. Peter.

"My child, the clocks only move when a person lies. You see that one as only moved twice because that is Abraham Lincoln's clock, and he has only lied twice." St. Peter replies.

"Why has that clock not moved yet?" He asked.

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Is the world ready for ejaculating clocks?

I guess we will know when the time comes...

A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, “What are all those clocks?” St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.”

“Oh,” said the man, “whose clock is that?”

“That’s Mother Teresa’s. The hands have never moved, indicating that sh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You hear the one about the guy who’s sexually attracted to clocks?

Well, its about fucking time.

I am not turning my clocks back in November.

I am not giving 2020 an extra hour’s worth of damage.

Heard they are making a movie about clocks

Its about time!

The clocks are going back this month

Unfortunately I can’t remember where I brought mine from.

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