What's the similarity between Boris Johnson and the clapper on Big Ben?

They're both massive bell-ends.

People think Big Ben is a cool tourist attraction

In America we have thousands of Big Ben’s, most of the time we can’t get around them in a store aisle but it’s still not exactly something you take a selfie in front of.

I heard the Big Ben is getting renovated

The engineers are working around the clock.

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What happens when you ask Big Ben "What time is it?"

Ben: I may be fat... But I'm not a fucking talking clock asshole

My uncle is a bus driver that circles Big Ben in London ...

he works around the clock.

The repairs on big ben are expected to take 3 years

That's a long time considering they're working around the clock

For those unaware, Big Ben is undergoing renovations in London; it's no easy task

They're having to work around the clock to make it happen.

The Italian government has decided to put a big clock similar to Big Ben in the leaning tower of Piza.

Now they’ll have the time as well as the inclination.

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Most people don't know that Big Ben isn't the name of the clock, but of the bell.

The clock is Tickity Ted the Time-Telling Bitch

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Because the clockwork in the clock tower was being repaired, Big Ben wasn't tolling the hour...

Well, Parliament put an advertisement in the newspaper for someone to ring the bell on the hour.

The first fellow to show up for the position had no arms. In the interview, they asked "How can you hit Big Ben with the striker if you have no arms?"

Not to be stopped by his handicap, h...

Did you hear that Trump Tower is being remodeled to add a clock that resembles Big Ben

I've heard people complain that it has tiny hands.

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A man was arrested for climbing up and headbutting Big Ben repeatedly...

Police can not identify the suspect but say his face rings a bell.

So there was once a man that rang Big Ben before there was an electric bell

One day unfortunately the man died after many years of doing his job. Naturally they had to find a replacement.

So after a few interviews a man with no arms comes up and requests the job, the interviewers are confused but he asks to demonstrate.

The man walks right to the edge of the t...

Big Ben walks up to the club like...

...what up? I got a big clock.

What's the difference between Big Ben and the Queen of England?

One is inhuman, intricately decorated, and exists only to mark the passage of time.



The other one's a clock.

1980s European leaders Mitterrand, Brezhnev and Thatcher were flying around Europe in a helicopter, trying to recognize cities without seeing them.

Thatcher went first. She stuck her ear out the window and stated: "I can hear Big Ben chime. This is London!"

Next was Mitterrand. He stuck his nose out and stated: "I can smell fresh baguette. This is Paris!"

Last was Brezhnev. He stuck his hand out and yelped: "What... hey! Somebody ...

Stoner: “Where do I go to get some bongs?”

English person: “Big Ben, mate.”

Throwing Watches

Three tourists climbed up the tower with London's Big Ben and decided to throw their watches off the top, run down the stairs and try to catch them before they hit the ground.

The first tourist threw his watch but heard it crash before the had taken three steps. The second threw his watch an...

I told my suicidal friend that time heals all wounds, and he agreed with me.

His body was later found at the bottom of Big Ben.

The competition is realy hard among the rubber manufacturers

The british manufacturer says: During the renovation of the Big Ben, a worker fell down from the top of the tower, but his braces hitched into a ledge, so he survived. The british rubber industry is the best.
The american says: That is nothing. When the empire state building was built a worker al...

World Trip

An American, a Englishman and a Russian are on a plane flying around.



Suddenly, the American puts his hand outside and exclaims: "Wonderful, the land of the free below us."

The Englishman and the Russion look at him and ask: "How do you possibly know?"

The American says:...

Three wealthy men, a Frenchman, an Englishman, and an American are on a plane..

The Frenchman sticks his hand out the window and says to the others, "We just flew over Paris."

The others ask him how he knows and he replied, "Well, when I stuck my hand out the window I touched the top of the Eiffel Tower."

They fly along for a while longer when the Englishman stick...

Flying Blind

A Frenchman, Englishman, and an American are flying in an airplane on a cloudy, storming night when suddenly the plane is struck by lightning.

The pilot turns to his three passengers and says, "The plane's GPS is broken. I need each of you to stick your hand out the door, feel around, and te...

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