Abbey Jokes

Sister Michael, the older and wiser nun, says to the young and naïve Sister Patrick, "See that crossroad ahead? You go left and I'll go right: he can't follow us both. We'll meet back at the Abbey."

So the sisters part and the man follows Sister Michael.

Some time later, Sister Patrick... read more

"Do you want a naughty? 200 bucks."

"Certainly not," he mutters and hurries on. Soon he passed near another woman who says "$200 for a naughty. Interested?"

"No thank you," he replies flusteredly.

As he comes near a third woman she again offers him a naughty for $200, which he ... read more

It'll be called Ringo's Tar

After the first day though, he reports to the head priest. He's concerned that all the monks have been copying from copies made from still more copies.

"If someone makes a mistake" he points out "It would be impossible to detect. Even worse, the error would continue to be made"

A bit s... read more

The first nun says to the other “I played a prank on the priest last night.”

“Who, the handsome one?” the other nun replies.

The first nun nods. “I poked a hole in his condom.”

The second nun faints.

They're both period drama

"I've never come this way before," the first nun says.

The other says, "It's the cobblestones."

So far I've got 17 Revolvers, 8 Rubber Souls, 25 Sergeant Peppers, 6 Hard Days Nights, 12 White Albums, 14 Abbey Roads, 7 Yellow Submarines, 5 Let It Be's, 9 Please Please Me's, a couple of With The Beatles, 3 Beatles For Sales, and even a Magical Mystery Tour, BUT IT'S NEVER ENOUGH!

I NEED ... read more

The Priest asks her, "What troubles you, my child?" The woman replies,"Father, I have two female parrots at home. They only say " Hey cutie, wanna have some fun? " and " You can do *whatever* you want to me ", and nothing else. This has ruined more than one dinner party. I don't know what to do!"... read more

An American photographer on vacation was inside Westminster Abbey taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read '£10,000 per call'.

The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for.

The ... read more

A man becomes a monk at an abbey that requires him to work, study, and contemplate. He is allowed to speak only two words every ten years, so that they be the most consice and profound.

After the first ten years he goes through his first ceremony. He walks past the other lined disciples, knee... read more

He would sell his beautiful flowers to the townspeople every day. One day, some friars moved into the nearby, previously empty abbey. These friars, however, grew their own beautiful flowers to sell to pay for their expenses, and these flowers were grown in such abundance and sold so much that the fl... read more

So there's this barber in a small town. One day he's sitting in his barbershop and a man walks in wearing a pair of sandals, and a long brown robe with a hood. The man sits down in the barber's chair. "Excuse me," says the barber. "I was wondering: why are you dressed like that?"
"Well," says th... read more

A Nun was living in an abbey and had taken a vow of silence. After living there for a year the Abbess calls her to her office and says.

"You have been silent for one year now. I lift your vow so that you may speak one sentence."

the Nun thinks for a moment and says.

"My floor is... read more