What is the building opposite the Sistine Chapel?

The Fifteen Chapel.

A shy priest greets the wedding guests to the Chapel. He's very nervous and doesn't say much.

As the couple approach the altar the priest steps up and gives the best speech anyone has ever heard. He's full of confidence, incredibly expressive and has everyone in fits of laughter!
After the vows, the priest is extremely shy and barely says a word to anyone.
The groom approaches the him ...

Will I appreciate the Sistine chapel

If I haven't been to the first 15?

A man screams at his TV, "No, you idiot! Don't walk into the chapel!"

"Horror movie?" his wife asks from the kitchen.

"No," he replies, "Our wedding video."

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Pope: paint me a beautiful art on the ceiling of the Sistine chapel and I will reward your work with exposure.

**Michaelangelo:** uhh sure sir, I will paint you a beautiful ceiling sir.

**Also Michaelangelo, mildly infuriated:** gonna paint a bunch of dudes with their dick's out talking bout reward with exposure. Fuck you. Pay me.

What's the difference between a nun in a Chapel and a nun in the bath?

One has a soul full of hope, the other has a hole full of soap

While Michelangelo was painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel....

One day, he looked down from the scaffolding to see a solitary old woman kneeling in a pew, praying.

Since the woman could not see him, Michelangelo decided to have a little fun, and he called out, "I am Jesus Christ, hear me!"

The woman did not look up, and continued praying. So, Mic...

walmart marriage chapel

Walmart was going to put in a marriage chapel. After thinking about it they decided not to because they already had a problem with returns

God spoke to me in the Sistine Chapel

Kept saying “Quiet, Quiet, No Photos Please”

An English lady, while vacationing in Switzerland, fell in love with a small town and the surrounding countryside.

She asked the pastor of a local church if he knew of any houses with rooms to rent that were close to town, but out in the country. The pastor kindly drove her out to see a house with a room to rent. She loved the house and decided to rent the room. Then, the lady returned to her home in England to ...

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A Redneck Wedding

Some time ago when I was hitchhiking through the deep South, a fella who gave me a ride invited me to a redneck wedding. Now this was a proper wedding, two days of tractor pulls, shooting shit and falling down drunk off moonshine, before we were finally assembled in the chapel for the big ceremony o...

A priest lived behind his chapel

...and one morning, he heard a knock on his door. The priest opens the door and finds an armless man standing there.

"How can I help you, son?" Asks the priest.

"Well sir," said the fellow, "The name's Sam, and I'm down out of luck. It's hard to get by as an armless man, and I need to ...

I just saw someone had set up a little wedding chapel in their front yard.

It had a tasteful little altar, a lattice arch covered in white roses, the whole deal. The only thing I didn't understand was a vertical length of 2x4 lumber, placed in a hole in the ground so it stuck three feet high. Just then, I noticed someone who lived there open the front door and start wal...

Donald Trump was admiring the Sistine chapel

Trump : this is the bestest painting I’ve ever seen

Docent : yes indeed Mr. President , it was painted by Michaelangelo ..

Trump : I know the fake news media makes me look like an idiot but I’m not foolish to believe that it was painted by a freaking turtle

An english schoolteacher was in Switzerland...

An English schoolteacher, was in Switzerland and looking for a room to rent for when she would begin her teaching there the following fall. She asked the schoolmaster if he would recommed any. He took her to see several rooms, and when everything was settled she returned home to make final preparati...

If someone was shot in a chapel...

...would that count as a mass shooting?

Why did the stoner go to the chapel?

To marry Jane

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Nuns are renovating their monastery.

Sister Anne and Sister Margateth were assigned to paint the inner halls of the chapel.

Sister Anne: "Dear sister, shouldn't we take off our clothes so they won't catch any paint?"

Sister Margareth: "This is a good idea. Since we are sisters, the Lord shouldn't mind us seeing each other...

A Military General Joking About Marines

This happened earlier today at a patriotic chapel service (could be the joke in itself)

Marine: \*walks into store in full uniform\* Hello, I'd like to purchase that TV set.

Employee: We are sorry sir, but I won't sell that to a marine.

Marine: This is outrageous and unfair. I w...

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An elderly woman’s husband passes away.

As the pallbearers are carrying the casket out of the chapel and down the stairs to the hearse they accidentally bump a pillar. They hear a noise from inside the casket and when they open it up the man springs up. Everyone is shocked but thankfully the man is alive and well.

Ten years pass a...

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Uncle Fritz

Jim and Joanne were finally going to tie the knot. They planned everything out, reserved the chapel and the reception hall, and wrote out their guest list. As they were finalizing the seating chart, Jim looked at Joanne and said, "Honey, I know you aren't going to like this, but we are going to have...

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3 Nuns [Long]

Three nuns were kicking around the convent one day, doing nun things such as praising the lord and disapproving of pop music when one nun said

"RIGHT. I'm sick of being a nun, I want to quit" the other two nuns agreed, being a nun is rubbish, and skipped off singing to Mother Superiors offic...

A Catholic Mexican couple decide to mix it up a bit.

They'd been engaged for a year and instead of getting married in their village they decided to have a spontaneous marriage in Las Vegas. So they flew there one night, found a cute little chapel and said their vows. As they were leaving a man walks up to them. He said "we like to offer newly wed coup...

First Day in the Monastery

A young man joined an order of Benedictine monks. On his first day, the aged Abbott takes him on a tour of the monastery. The young novice is shown to the cells where the monks sleep, the chapel where the monks pray, the mess hall where they eat. Finally, the Abbott takes the new recruit to see t...

It was my Nana's funeral last week.

We all walk into the chapel and there’s a huge floral arrangement on the coffin that says: “81.131.11.216”
My mother hisses to me, “What is *that*?”
I shrugged. “What you asked for: our IP in flowers.”

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[nsfw] A guy wants to join the monastery...

A guy wants to join the monastery, but he isn't too sure yet and makes an appointment with the abbot for a tour and some more information.
When he gets there, the abbot gives him the grand tour. The abbot takes him to see the gardens, the chapel, sleeping quarters,... After he saw the entire abbe...

There are 101 nuns on a bus....

They are all going on a trip. The head Mother Superior stand up and faces all the nuns. She says

"There seem to a problem going on in our church"

99 nuns gasp and one snickers.

She then hold up a condom and says
"I had found this in our chapel"

99 nuns g...

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Four nuns about to take their vows..

Four novice nuns were about to take their vows.

Dressed in their white gowns, they entered the chapel for their symbolic marriage to Jesus, making them "Brides of Christ."

Just as the ceremony was about to begin, four Hasidic Jews came in and sat in the front row.

The Mother ...

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Two men are sat waiting for a bus in Wales.

The older one turns to the younger one and says "Do you see those old mines down there in the valley? Twenty years I spent down there, man and boy, quarrying the coal out of the rock. Without me none of the houses up there would have had coal for the winter. And do they call me Dewey the Coal Miner?...

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So when I was an altar boy when I was a kid...

...and its not all that you'd think it would be. Contrary to popular belief, an aletrboy's true purpose is to put up with the priests shit, and to pick up the slack when he drops the ball. Anyway, one day I was sweeping the chapel floor when i heard somebody whisper my name. I looked around and saw ...

Where do Tumblr users go to pray?

The Cis-Teen Chapel

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New Priest

A priest is just about to retire when he meets the priest replacing him, the new priests asks what he should do when taking confessions, as this will be his first day. The former priest gives him a handbook and tells him to use this for the first month or so.

The new priest enters the confess...

They are serious!

A boy is getting all Ds and Fs in math so his parents send him to Catholic school. On his first report card, his parents are shocked to see their son getting straight As. When his parents ask him why, he says, “Well, when I went into the chapel and saw that guy nailed to a plus sign, I knew they wer...

Where did the amino acid go to church?

The cysteine chapel.

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The Monk

Hoping to find some meaning in his life, a young man joined a monastery. The monks were required to take a vow of silence; they could only say two words every ten years.

The young man took his vows, and spent his days tilling the garden, baking unleavened bread, and saying silent prayers in ...

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