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Kirk Jokes

William Shatner, alias Captain Kirk, has discontinued his ladies underwear line...

In hindsight "Shatner Panties" wasn't a good choice of name in the first place.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what does captain Kirk have in common with toilet paper?

They both go to Uranus to get the Klingons

What is Captain Kirk's least favourite nut?

Pe-Kahn!!!!!!

what do Marie Kondo and Captain Kirk have in common?

They both love saving space

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does Captain Kirk only have sex with virgins?

He boldly goes where no man has gone before.

Captain Kirk and Spock are chatting one day...

Kirk: " Spock you always remain so calm and even handed when talking with people who are obviously less intelligent than you. How do you do it? "

Spock: " Well Captain I simply agree with whatever they say."

Kirk: " What? That's absolutely ridiculous! "

Spock: " I completely ...

How many ears does Captain Kirk have?

3. A left ear, a right ear and a final front ear

Captan Kirk & Today’s Shuttle Launch

If William Shatner really wanted to go “where no man had gone before”, He should have just used the associates bathroom At the Amazon distribution center.

Why did Captain Kirk's wife smell?

Because William Shatner (shat on her).

I'll get my coat.

Captain Kirk Clothing

The actor who played Captain Kirk tried to launch his own brand of trousers but they didn't sell very well.

For some reason, people just didn't want to buy Shatner Pants.

Kirk and Spock are on a first contact mission.

The planet's natives serenade them with drumbeats upon hollowed-out tree trunks.

"Mister Spock, it sounds like the notes follow an exponential progression."

"Logical, Captain, when one uses log rhythms."

What did captain kirk’s music teach put on his report card?

He’s having trouble with the trebles

Q: Why did Captain Kirk go in to the ladies room?

A: Because he wanted to go where no man had gone before.

What is Kirk Hammett’s Favorite Dog?

The Chiwahwah

Why did Captain Kirk’s girlfriend break up with him?

Because he Shatner face.

Why did Captain Kirk’s chicken cross the road?

To boldly go where no chicken has gone before

What is Captain Kirk’s least favorite type of nut?

Pe-KAAAAAHHHHHNNNNNN!!!!

What's sick, Irish, and hates Captain Kirk?

A leper Khan.

Hey Captain Kirk, who's your most productive officer?

That would be Pavel - any task I give him, he'll quickly Chekov.

What did Spock find in Captain Kirk's toilet?

Captain's Log

Why does Captain Kirk hate St. Patrick's Day?

Lepre-KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!

What is Captain Kirks most hated pie?

Pe-KHAAAAAAANNN!

The original actor who played Captain Kirk tried to start a Star Trek themed line of women’s lingerie.

But no one would invest in Shatner Panties.

(An oldie, but deserved a fresh posting)

Captain Kirk and the crew of the Enterprise encountered an unknown alien craft

However, they proved to be friendly, and soon a dialog was reached. After discussing quite a few differences in culture, they came to reproduction.

One of the aliens said "Let me demonstrate" and a small swelling appeared on his arm. After a couple of minutes, the swelling became the form o...

The thing about captain Kirk's women's underwear not being a great sales gimmick.

Shatner panties didn't catch on

What is Captain Kirk's favorite brand of paper products?

Scott

What did Captain Kirk find at the end of the rainbow?

a LepreKHAAAAAAN!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why aren't there any Muslims on Star Trek?

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech and walked out into the lobby of the convention center where he was introduced to a U.S. Marine General.
As they talked the Iranian said, "I have just one question about what i have seen in America." The General said, "well anyth...

What is Captain Kirk's least favorite movie genre?

Romulan-coms

[NSFW] Why was Captain Kirk banned from brothels around the universe?

Because one time, he took a hooker and shatner.

I'm so sorry, I know its bad but I had to get it out of my head.

Why did Captain Kirk take such a long time in the washroom?

Because he was fighting the Klingons.

For Star Trek fans: What did Scotty tell Kirk when The Enterprise flew over western England?

"Thar be Wales here!"

What do Captain Kirk and Mister Spock do to get their baggage up to their hotel room?

Tell a porter.

The secret of long life

German billionaire Karl Albrecht used to play golf a lot. In fact, he had a private golf club, because he was a huge fan of the sport. He lived 94 years.

American investor Kirk Kerkorian also loved sports. In his eighties, he was rated top 3 tennis player of the country in his age. He lived 9...

"I really don't think you have a case, sir," said the detective as my wife washed her hair and cried from the bathroom.

"How can you say that?!" I demanded. "That hairstylist is a monster!"

"Look, sir, I can't just go around arresting every barber that gives a bad haircut." He glanced at his notes. "Even if he made her 'look like Captain Kirk.'"

"I never said he made her look like Captain Kirk!" I barke...

Charlie Kirk, Ayn Rand and Gary Johnson walk into a bar.

They all die of lead poisoning because there's no goverment to regulate how much lead the barman is allowed to put into his drinks.

What did Captain Kirk do when his girlfriend told him she had a defecation fetish?

William Shat-on-her

Chris Pine was approached to star in Christopher Nolan's 2017 WW2 beach epic...

"No thanks, I've done Kirk"

panties

Captain James T Kirk of Star Trek fame has launched his own range of women’s underwear, the bras are selling well, but it appears that nobody wants to buy a brand of underwear named

“Shatner Panties”.

Star Trek: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Captain Kirk: "To boldly go where no chicken had gone before!"
Spock: "At the time, it seemed the logical thing to do."
McCoy: "Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a barnyard psychologist!"
Scotty: "Because it couldna change the laws o' physics!"
Computer: "Insufficient data."

D...

Hey Reddit, what are your favorite kid jokes? You know, jokes that only kids tell each other.

There are a few I remember from my childhood, for instance:

How do you catch a seal?

Drill a hole in the ice and line the opening with peas.

When he comes out to take a pea,......grab him!

What did Mr. Spock find in Jim Kirk's toilet?

Captain's Log.

Where we...

This year in Heaven the Christmas celebration was also a costume party. Everyone dressed up.

Many people came as movie characters, from Gandalf the Grey (and White) to Jason Bourne to Black Widow to Harry Potter. Alan Rickman went as Hans Gruber, which made St. Peter exclaim "See, Die Hard IS a Christmas movie!" St. Peter was dressed as the "Fragile" lamp from A Christmas Story. Moses showe...

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