Did you know that Captain Kirk had 3 ears?

A left ear, right ear and the final front ear.

What did captain kirk’s music teach put on his report card?

He’s having trouble with the trebles

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does Captain Kirk only have sex with virgins?

He boldly goes where no man has gone before.

Captan Kirk & Today’s Shuttle Launch

If William Shatner really wanted to go “where no man had gone before”, He should have just used the associates bathroom At the Amazon distribution center.

Why does Captain Kirk's wife smell?

Because, William Shatner.

Captain Kirk Clothing

The actor who played Captain Kirk tried to launch his own brand of trousers but they didn't sell very well.

For some reason, people just didn't want to buy Shatner Pants.

Captain Kirk and Spock are chatting one day...

Kirk: " Spock you always remain so calm and even handed when talking with people who are obviously less intelligent than you. How do you do it? "

Spock: " Well Captain I simply agree with whatever they say."

Kirk: " What? That's absolutely ridiculous! "

Spock: " I completely ...

I like my lawn like Captain Kirk likes his women.

Thick, lush, soft, and green.

Q: Why did Captain Kirk go in to the ladies room?

A: Because he wanted to go where no man had gone before.

What is Kirk Hammett’s Favorite Dog?

The Chiwahwah

William Shatner, alias Captain Kirk, has discontinued his ladies underwear line...

In hindsight "Shatner Panties" wasn't a good choice of name in the first place.

Why did Captain Kirk’s chicken cross the road?

To boldly go where no chicken has gone before

What did Spock find in Captain Kirk's toilet?

Captain's Log

The thing about captain Kirk's women's underwear not being a great sales gimmick.

Shatner panties didn't catch on

What is Captain Kirk’s least favorite type of nut?

Pe-KAAAAAHHHHHNNNNNN!!!!

Why does Captain Kirk hate St. Patrick's Day?

Lepre-KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!

Hey Captain Kirk, who's your most productive officer?

That would be Pavel - any task I give him, he'll quickly Chekov.

Captain Kirk and the crew of the Enterprise encountered an unknown alien craft

However, they proved to be friendly, and soon a dialog was reached. After discussing quite a few differences in culture, they came to reproduction.

One of the aliens said "Let me demonstrate" and a small swelling appeared on his arm. After a couple of minutes, the swelling became the form o...

What's sick, Irish, and hates Captain Kirk?

A leper Khan.

For Star Trek fans: What did Scotty tell Kirk when The Enterprise flew over western England?

"Thar be Wales here!"

What is Captain Kirks most hated pie?

Pe-KHAAAAAAANNN!

What do Captain Kirk and Mister Spock do to get their baggage up to their hotel room?

Tell a porter.

Did you hear about Captain Kirk's lingerie line?

it went bust.

No one wanted to wear shatner panties.

Why did Captain Kirk take such a long time in the washroom?

Because he was fighting the Klingons.

[NSFW] Why was Captain Kirk banned from brothels around the universe?

Because one time, he took a hooker and shatner.

I'm so sorry, I know its bad but I had to get it out of my head.

What did Captain Kirk find at the end of the rainbow?

a LepreKHAAAAAAN!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why aren't there any Muslims on Star Trek?

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech and walked out into the lobby of the convention center where he was introduced to a U.S. Marine General.
As they talked the Iranian said, "I have just one question about what i have seen in America." The General said, "well anyth...

Charlie Kirk, Ayn Rand and Gary Johnson walk into a bar.

They all die of lead poisoning because there's no goverment to regulate how much lead the barman is allowed to put into his drinks.

What is Captain Kirk's least favorite movie genre?

Romulan-coms

What did Captain Kirk do when his girlfriend told him she had a defecation fetish?

William Shat-on-her

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do toilet paper and Captain Kirk have in common?

They both circle Uranus looking for Klingons.

What suicidal space creature did Kirk find on the Enterprise?

A Tribble with troubles.

This year in Heaven the Christmas celebration was also a costume party. Everyone dressed up.

Many people came as movie characters, from Gandalf the Grey (and White) to Jason Bourne to Black Widow to Harry Potter. Alan Rickman went as Hans Gruber, which made St. Peter exclaim "See, Die Hard IS a Christmas movie!" St. Peter was dressed as the "Fragile" lamp from A Christmas Story. Moses showe...

"I really don't think you have a case, sir," said the detective as my wife washed her hair and cried from the bathroom.

"How can you say that?!" I demanded. "That hairstylist is a monster!"

"Look, sir, I can't just go around arresting every barber that gives a bad haircut." He glanced at his notes. "Even if he made her 'look like Captain Kirk.'"

"I never said he made her look like Captain Kirk!" I barke...

Star Trek: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Captain Kirk: "To boldly go where no chicken had gone before!"
Spock: "At the time, it seemed the logical thing to do."
McCoy: "Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a barnyard psychologist!"
Scotty: "Because it couldna change the laws o' physics!"
Computer: "Insufficient data."

D...

Hey Reddit, what are your favorite kid jokes? You know, jokes that only kids tell each other.

There are a few I remember from my childhood, for instance:

How do you catch a seal?

Drill a hole in the ice and line the opening with peas.

When he comes out to take a pea,......grab him!

What did Mr. Spock find in Jim Kirk's toilet?

Captain's Log.

Where we...

Chris Pine was approached to star in Christopher Nolan's 2017 WW2 beach epic...

"No thanks, I've done Kirk"

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