If James T. Kirk ran a drug business from his ship...

Would it be a criminal Enterprise?

Captain Kirk and Spock are chatting one day...

Kirk: " Spock you always remain so calm and even handed when talking with people who are obviously less intelligent than you. How do you do it? "

Spock: " Well Captain I simply agree with whatever they say."

Kirk: " What? That's absolutely ridiculous! "

Spock: " I completely ...

I like my lawn like Captain Kirk likes his women.

Thick, lush, soft, and green.

Q: Why did Captain Kirk go in to the ladies room?

A: Because he wanted to go where no man had gone before.

What is Kirk Hammett’s Favorite Dog?

The Chiwahwah

Why does Captain Kirk’s wife smell?

Because William Shatner

How many ears does Captain Kirk have?

Three.
A left ear
A right ear

And a final, front ear

William Shatner, alias Captain Kirk, has discontinued his line of ladies underwear...

In hindsight "Shatner Panties" probably wasn't the best name choice.

What is Captain Kirk’s least favorite type of nut?

Pe-KAAAAAHHHHHNNNNNN!!!!

Captain Kirk and the crew of the Enterprise encountered an unknown alien craft

However, they proved to be friendly, and soon a dialog was reached. After discussing quite a few differences in culture, they came to reproduction.

One of the aliens said "Let me demonstrate" and a small swelling appeared on his arm. After a couple of minutes, the swelling became the form o...

What did Spock find in Captain Kirk's toilet?

Captain's Log

Why does Captain Kirk hate St. Patrick's Day?

Lepre-KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!

What's sick, Irish, and hates Captain Kirk?

A leper Khan.

For Star Trek fans: What did Scotty tell Kirk when The Enterprise flew over western England?

"Thar be Wales here!"

Hey Captain Kirk, who's your most productive officer?

That would be Pavel - any task I give him, he'll quickly Chekov.

What is Captain Kirks most hated pie?

Pe-KHAAAAAAANNN!

Kirk and Spock were trapped on a planet and were waiting for rescue.

Kirk complained to Spock that his legs were getting tired from just standing around.

Spock said "there's a tree right there let's cut it down with our phasers and make a bench."

"You're a genius!" Exclaimed Kirk.

"Nonsense" replied Spock "it's only log-ical"

What do Captain Kirk and Mister Spock do to get their baggage up to their hotel room?

Tell a porter.

This year in Heaven the Christmas celebration was also a costume party. Everyone dressed up.

Many people came as movie characters, from Gandalf the Grey (and White) to Jason Bourne to Black Widow to Harry Potter. Alan Rickman went as Hans Gruber, which made St. Peter exclaim "See, Die Hard IS a Christmas movie!" St. Peter was dressed as the "Fragile" lamp from A Christmas Story. Moses showe...

Did you hear about Captain Kirk's lingerie line?

it went bust.

No one wanted to wear shatner panties.

Charlie Kirk, Ayn Rand and Gary Johnson walk into a bar.

They all die of lead poisoning because there's no goverment to regulate how much lead the barman is allowed to put into his drinks.

[NSFW] Why was Captain Kirk banned from brothels around the universe?

Because one time, he took a hooker and shatner.

I'm so sorry, I know its bad but I had to get it out of my head.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why aren't there any Muslims on Star Trek?

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech and walked out into the lobby of the convention center where he was introduced to a U.S. Marine General.
As they talked the Iranian said, "I have just one question about what i have seen in America." The General said, "well anyth...

What is Captain Kirk's least favorite movie genre?

Romulan-coms

Why did Captain Kirk take such a long time in the washroom?

Because he was fighting the Klingons.

What is Captain Kirk's favorite brand of paper products?

Scott

What did Captain Kirk do when his girlfriend told him she had a defecation fetish?

William Shat-on-her

What did Captain Kirk find at the end of the rainbow?

a LepreKHAAAAAAN!

Chris Pine was approached to star in Christopher Nolan's 2017 WW2 beach epic...

"No thanks, I've done Kirk"

"I really don't think you have a case, sir," said the detective as my wife washed her hair and cried from the bathroom.

"How can you say that?!" I demanded. "That hairstylist is a monster!"

"Look, sir, I can't just go around arresting every barber that gives a bad haircut." He glanced at his notes. "Even if he made her 'look like Captain Kirk.'"

"I never said he made her look like Captain Kirk!" I barke...

Hey Reddit, what are your favorite kid jokes? You know, jokes that only kids tell each other.

There are a few I remember from my childhood, for instance:

How do you catch a seal?

Drill a hole in the ice and line the opening with peas.

When he comes out to take a pea,......grab him!

What did Mr. Spock find in Jim Kirk's toilet?

Captain's Log.

Where we...

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