An atheist dies and goes to hell

The devil welcomes him and says:"Let me show you around a little bit." They walk through a nice park with green trees and the devil shows him a huge palace. "This is your house now, here are your keys." The man is happy and thanks the devil. The devil says:"No need to say thank you, everyone gets a ...

When I was a kid, my dad and I went to the zoo to see the birds.

I loved birds as a kid, and really wanted one as a pet. I would spend hours looking through picture books about birds, studying their plumage, learning all that I could. So when the day came that my dad took me to the zoo to see the bird enclosure, I was really excited.

I had read about the...

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It's a nice day in the park. Birds are chirping and children are playing.

You get tired of walking and head over to a bench. There's another man there and he's-... HE'S JERKING OFF.

"DEAR GOD!" you exclaim, "THINK OF THE CHILDREN!"

"I am."

Peaceful Place

Picture yourself near a stream. Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool mountain air. Nothing can bother you here. No one knows this secret place. You are in total seclusion from that place called "the world." The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenit...

A young altar boy walks into a room with a priest

The priest instructs him to observe his surroundings.

"What do you see"

"I see a light, and some walls, and a door."

"Now, what do you hear"

"I hear birds chirping and the wind blowing."

The priest gestured to the boy and showed him a small rag.

"Now, what d...

My wife and I were sitting in our living room in silence looking at our phones...

We heard a cricket outside and she looked at me and said "I heard a cricket chirping, but you didn't tell a joke"

Three nuns die and arrive at the Pearly Gates.

They meet St. Peter who says "you must each answer one question about religion to enter heaven."

St. Peter calls the first nun and asks "who was the first man on Earth?"

"Adam" she replies. So birds are chirping angels are singing the gates open and she gets into heaven.

St. Pe...

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A bird is flying south for the winters

It freezes mid-flight and falls down on the snow in a farm. A cow passing by takes pity on it and shits on it to keep it warm.

After few minutes the bird regains consciousness because of the warmth and starts chirping.

A cat hears it, picks it out of the shit, cleans it and eats it....

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are running from the cops.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the cops. They pull into a forest and each climb up a separate tree. The cop parks and walks up to the tree with the brunette.

"I know you're up there, get down from there."

Cheep cheep cheep cheep....

He hears the chirping a...

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A man goes out for a few beers

My Uncle told me this joke years ago while we were camping. It's way better in person, but gives me a little chuckle every time :)

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A man goes out for a few beers after a long day at work. He sits at the bar alone for some time before making idle conversation with the new barkeep wh...

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Morals from a Pile of Shit

Once upon a time, there was a stubborn sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south.

In a short time ice began to form on his wings. He tried to fly quicker to warmer air, but his wings kept freezing unt...

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The ladder to success

A man drunkly stumbles out of a bar and on the way to his car, encounters a ladder reaching up to the clouds. There is a voice coming from high up in the clouds, “climb the ladder to success”. The man looks up and starts climbing. After reaching a low floating cloud, he sees a woman, she has wart...

Two men are sitting at the bar

One says to the other: "So I've just crawled into bed. My wife's sound asleep. All of a sudden the smoke alarm starts chirping because the battery died."

The other guy says: "Let me guess. You tried to ignore it, drift to sleep and deal with it in the morning?"

"No way. Do you think I ...

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Corporate Lesson #3

A bird is late to fly south for the winter, and when his wings start to freeze, he lands in a barnyard. The bird is pretty irritated (an angry bird, perhaps) with his situation - when all of a sudden a cow shows up and takes a huge crap on him.

At first, the bird becomes even more upset, b...

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A barnyard parable...

A young bird left late on his first southern migration and was caught in an early freezing rain causing him to land in a barnyard, unable to fly and freezing to death.

As he crouched there shivering and freezing to death, by chance the last of the farmer's cows plopped a load of manure on the...

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