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Pasteurized Jokes

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A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful, so she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your Note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons of milk. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath".
The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
The blo...

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A blonde heard cows milk was good for your skin

She went to a farmer and asked for milk.

Farmer: Would you like it Pasteurized?

Blonde: No, up to my tits is fine.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man is delivering milk to the homes of his wealthy customers...

He knocks at the back door of a big home and says, “Milkman!”

An attractive middle-aged woman comes to the door in her robe. “I am going to take a milk bath this morning.”, she says. “Go to your truck and bring 20 gallons of milk to my bathroom. I’ll be waiting.”

He heads to the truc...

What's the fastest liquid on earth?

Milk. It's pasteurized before you see it.

A milkman gets an order for 45 pints of milk.

Puzzled, he decides to ask the customer if this is a mistake.
she confirms saying "Milk baths are good for your skin," explains the woman.

"Oh, OK," replies the milkman. "Do you need it pasteurized then?"

"No," says the woman. "Up to my neck will be fine."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I met a really nice girl on a first date.

Her: I bathe in milk, can you go to the shop and get some please.

Me: Pasteurized.?

Her: No just up to my tits will be fine...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman calls her local dairy, telling them she wants to order enough milk to take a milk bath...

“You want the milk pasteurized?”

“No, just up to my tits.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde woman asks a dairy farmer to sell her 40 gallons of milk.

“Certainly, ma’am. Might I ask why you need so much milk?”

The blonde replies: “I’m going to take a bath in it...”

“Ok... no problem” he says. “Do you want it pasteurized?”

“No, just up to my boobs.” She responds. “I can splash it above my eyes.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke I heard on South Park today

When the Milk Man brought the lady her milk, she invited him in and then stripped off all her clothes. Standing there naked, she told the Milk Man to take the milk and fill the bathtub with it. The Milk Man asked the woman "Do you want it pasteurized?" "No", the lady said, "just up to my boobs."

A woman comes home after a hard day of work . . .

and she decides she wants to pamper herself by having a milk bath. She calls a nearby grocery store and asks the manager if she can get 30 gallons of milk.

"For what?" he says

"I want to pamper myself by bathing in milk," she says.

"Pasteurized?" he asks.

"No, just up to ...

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Blonde approaches the customer service counter at a grocery store...

“How can I help you miss?” Says the man behind the counter. “I need to get 80 gallons of milk please”, she replies. “Excuse me?” Says the man “why would you need all that milk for?” . “Well you see, its a beauty tip. You bathe in milk for an hour and your skin appears 10 years younger”, she sa...

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This is from a time when men delivered milk to people's houses, and when Old Lady Doris ordered 40 gallons of milk.

Mr. Mike the Milk Man paused at the end of her driveway and scratched his head. What would Old Lady Doris want 40 gallons of milk for? There must be some mistake. So instead of just delivering it to her porch, he knocked on the door.

Old Lady Doris answered in her housecoat.

"Hi Doris,...

What are you, if you're in milk up to here?

\[holds hand to show level above forehead\]



**You're past-your-eyes (pasteurized**)!

Two dairy farmers are walking through the creamery when suddenly one of them slips and falls in a large vat of milk...

...the other one yells angrily, "get out of there, it's pasteurized!"

And the farmer in the vat shouts back, "no it's not......It's only just past my waist!"

I took a Milk Bath yesterday

I asked my wife to fill the tub. She said "Sure, you want it pasteurized?"

I replied "No, just up to my chest."

An old Irish woman wins the lottery...

...and decides to to indulge herself with a milk bath, so she calls her local dairyman.
“I’d like to order meself some milk”
“How much will ye be needing?”
“I suppose, I’ll need enough to fill me bath tub.”
“Shouldn’t be more than 200 liters I’d guess.”
“My word! That’s more than I th...

What's the difference between a young christian boy and most grocery store milks?

One is pasteurized, the others pastorized.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A milkman knocks on a lady's door.

She yells, "Come on in, I'm in the bath."

He slowly peaks around the corner of the open bathroom door and she says , "I want to take a milk bath, fill 'er up.

He replies, "Alright, do you want it pasteurized?"

She says, "No, just up to my boobs."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Milkman

A married lady got bored with her husband so she started having an affair with the milkman.

One afternoon the milkman drops by and they're gonna start doin it.

The lady is super excited, gets naked, hops in the bathtub and says, "just fill it up!!!"

The milkman says "do you wan...

A woman heard a milk bath was good for your skin

Next time the milk man stopped by she was sure to ask if he could bring enough next time for a bath. "Would you prefer pasteurized?" He asked. "No, just up to my knees is fine".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Back in the days of the Milkman...

A milkman comes to the back door of a new customer, knocks, and an attractive older lady opens the door, wearing only a thin negligee’.

“Good morning, ma’am.”, he says. “My name is Ed...What would you like today?

“What I’d like, Ed, is for you to go get a lot of milk from your truck, a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blond reads that bathing in milk is good for her skin, so...

She goes down to her local grocery store and tells the clerk that she needs enough milk to be able to bathe in.
The clerk says "Alright, would you like it pasteurized?"
The blond says "Naw, just up to my boobs should do".

An old couple won the lottery...

An old man and his wife; simple, salt of the earth folk, who never lived beyond their means, won the lottery.

Not wanting to lose their way with this sudden windfall, they decided to keep humble.

But as time went on, the husband wanted to treat his wife to expensive things - the thin...

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A woman decides to have a milk bath at a fancy hotel..

Calls down to the front desk-
"Of course we can fill your bath with milk,madam,"
"Just one question- Do you want the milk Pasteurized?"asked the clerk.

"No. Up to my tits would be just fine." she replied -

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So, a milkman......

.....was delivering milk in the neighborhood as usual.

When a blonde answered the door, she told the milkman to follow her to the bath-tub.

Then she took of her clothes and asked the milk-man to fill the tub with milk.

The milk-man said: "Do you want the milk pasteurized?"
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You have two cows..

USA: You have two cows. You outsource a farm to milk them and sell the milk to those who can afford it. You then use the profit to buy someone else's cow for your butcher to make steak with.

Russia: You have two cows. When you get sober you remember that the mafia took them away from you, so ...

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A blonde in her early 50's hears that bathing in milk once a week will tone skin, and remove wrinkles...

She decides to try this wrinkle remedy, so she leaves a sign on her front door for the Milkman to leave her 27 gallons of milk.

The Milkman comes along and sees her sign. He thinks that she must have made a mistake, as 27 gallons is a substantial amount of milk, so he knocks on her door and s...

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