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Archbishop Jokes

A priest was approached one night by Satan himself.

"Do not be frightened," said Satan. "I have an offer to make. I will make you tremendously powerful, famous and rich in return for just one small favour: half of your ability to hear."

The priest was stunned. "Let me think about it for a few days."

The next morning, the priest requeste...

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Isn't that the Archbishop of Canterbury?

Bill and Ted are travelling by train and Bill looks up and says to Ted, "Hey, that guy at the other end of the carriage looks like the Archbishop of Canterbury?"

Ted blinks and says, "Nah, couldn't be him," and Bill says "I'm sure it is. I'm going to go and ask him."

So Bill goes up an...

[NSFW] A nurse was dating a Doctor and got pregnant...

The married doctor begged her to keep it a secret and asked her to keep away from public eye.

Nine months later,she came to the hospital for delivery.

At the same moment, a priest was admitted for having a large cyst in his prostate gland .

The doctor had an idea. He sedates the...

An Easter joke.

A priest was arguing with a rabbi.

"What is great in our religion", says the priest, "is that there is room for advancement. A humble village priest can become a bishop, an archbishop, a cardinal, who knows?, maybe even the Pope!"

The rabbi answers: "What about the Almighty? Can he bec...

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So Johnny caught a fish

He caught it down by the pond, and it was a really big one. Johnny, a country boy, was playing hooky from the local Catholic school.

He was carrying his big fish down the road - and who does he run into but Sister Mary, one of the nuns in the parish.

She says "Johnny! Skipping school ...

Apparently this great joke was told by comedian Barry Cryer to his nurses on his deathbed.

A man and his wife are out walking one day when they spot a lone fellow on the other side of the road. 'That looks like the Archbishop of Canterbury over there,' says the woman.

'Go and see if he is,' she adds.

The husband crosses the road and asks the man if he is indeed the Archbish...

Prince William and the Archbishop of Canterbury are playing checkers...

William makes his move, when over the radio they hear that the Queen has died. The Archbishop says to William "I'm so sorry for your loss." to which William says "King me."

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Promotional Offer

One night a guy goes to get a room in a hotel. "Hello, I want a single room for the night please."

"Fine, sir, here's one of our best rooms. Room 13," says the concierge and hands him the key.

The guy goes upstairs, takes a shower and gets straight into bed. At about 2 o'clock in the m...

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The King and his donkey? Father Murphy tried that too...

[BringItOnFellas' previous version here](http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/2dru6u/a_king_enrolled_his_donkey_in_a_race_and_won/)

Father Murphy's parish was always scratching for the mortgage payment, until one day he came up with a plan: they would buy a racehorse, enter it in a few race...

English Weather

I just read something about weather in England:

The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness announced today that the climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as _'English Weather'._

In order to no longer offend a sizable portion of the UK po...

A rabbi and a Catholic priest seat together in a bus and start talking about ranks in the Catholic church...

- "So after becoming bishop and maybe archbishop, they can be appointed as cardinals?", asked the Rabbi.
- "That's right.", replied the priest.
- "And only cardinals can become pope?", continued the Rabbi.
- "Not necessarily, but usually yes.", said the priest.
- "And what's next? Can s...

A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and promotion

"What do you have to look forward to in way of a promotion in your job?" asked the Rabbi.

"Well, I'm next in line for the Monsignor's job." replied the Priest.

"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.

"Well, next I can become Bishop." said the Priest.

"Yes, and then?" asked...

New Pope

There were two Roman Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola whose lives paralleled each other in amazing ways. In the same year Timothy was born in Ireland, Antonio was born in Italy. Faithfully, they attended parochial school from kindergarten through their senior year in High School.
...

The Cathedral of San Giovanni

The City-State of San Giovanni is largely forgotten today. In 1571, however, it was a wonderful place to be for both the secular and the spiritual. The was no war for three centuries, the market benefited from its close proximity to the Old Salt Route, and the artist community was vibrant and influe...

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A priest goes fishing with his friend Maricio.

This his his first time, so his friend had to show him the basics. When the priest feels a bite, hooks the biggest fish Maricio has seen and reels it up, his friend is naturally surprised.


"Whoa. Look at that bastard."


The priest, naturally offended by his curse, is told by hi...

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were in Rome.

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were in Rome one day when the see a priest running around in panic. They approach him an asked what's wrong when he says "Mama Mia! It's a tha Pope! He's a dead!!" Then he goes quiet, still panicking with his finger on his lips saying "please, please don't a say ...

Miracle....

A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they could not decide what to do about it.

About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. The doctor says to the woman, "I know ...

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Four ladies are having coffee together...

The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second woman replies, "My son is an Archbishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."

The third woman says smugly, "My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he w...

The Pope's son

An actor and his wife are about to have a baby, but they realize that they can't afford to have a baby. They didn't want to go through the long process that is adoption. However, the pope was there at the same hospital getting a prostate examination. The actor has a plan, after the baby is born, the...

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During the Dark Ages, the Pope decrees that he is going to expel all of the Jews out of Europe...

...naturally, the Jews aren't very happy with this. Jewish people all over Europe start protesting in the streets, demanding that the Pope change his mind and let the Jewish people stay. Since the protests and riots are starting to get a bit chaotic and violent, the Pope creates a proposition. He wi...

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