My grandfather was shot with a Canon

The picture came out really well.

Door to door baby photographer

After Mrs. Jacobs found out her husband was sterile, the couple decided to hire a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Jacobs kissed his wife and said 'I'm off to work, Lydia. The guy should be here soon.'

Wouldn't you know it, a door-to-door baby...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The new monk.

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.

He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript.



So, the new monk goes to the head ab...

A piece of retconned canon from Star Wars has a danger of causing glaring plotholes in upcoming Disney films and series.

It's what is known as "a loose canon."

My friend claims he can print a Gun using his 3D Printer. I'm not impressed.

I've had a Canon printer for years.

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The anthropology student and the pirate.

An anthropology student was interviewing a retired pirate.

The student said: You have a wooden leg, a hook in place of a hand, and a patch over what I assume is an empty eye socket! How did all this happen?

The pirate replied:

I lost the leg to a canon call

I lost the han...

What brand of camera a fanfiction writer owns?

A Canon Camera

What is the similarity of a cannon and canon?

They both destroy ships

What’s it called when a cannonball is shot and lands in the barrel of another canon?

Cannonbalism

Canon to release new camera, the Canon 80D.

Sadly it can't focus.

NASA CHICKEN CANON

NASA engineers build a cannon that launches dead chickens at the windshields of airplanes, military jets and such to test the strength of the windshields against collisions with airborne fowl.

British engineers are eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangemen...

I was thinking of adding cameras to the Bible

^(But they probably wouldn't be Canon)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL that McDonald's and police use the same training material.

It's a 5 step de-escalation procedure. You know, a kind that some corporate HR would come up. Ones with corny, forced acronyms. But this one actually works pretty well:

1. Believe
2. Listen
3. Apologize
4. Satisfy
5. Thank the customer

So when a customer gets all pissy abou...

A photographer shot his subject with a Canon.

She was blown away.

3D printers are now printing guns...

That’s nothing though. I’ve had a Canon printer for years.

What do you call an unpredictable camera??

What do you call an unpredictable camera?

A loose Canon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pirate meets a stranger one day, and is very curious about the pirate's injuries.

The stranger looks down at the pirate's legs, and asks, "Say, why do you have a wooden leg?"

The pirate replies, "Ya see, we we're fightin' some other ship down yonder and a canonball from the enemies struck my leg and wiped it clean off!"

The stranger was interested, and noticed the p...

Following a particularly good year, the circus decided to spend their profits on a human cannonball exhibit

After the cannon was delivered, they realized that the manufacturer got the dimensions all wrong. The barrel was so narrow that only a child could fit inside, and a child would never be allowed to perform such a dangerous act.


Months went by and the cannon remained unused, until one day...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is looking around a pet store, when he comes across an octopus on sale for $10,000.

He asks the store owner why the octopus is so expensive to which the owner replies, “oh thats no ordinary octopus. He’s special.” He puts a guitar in front of the octopus and the octopus continues get on top of it and use his tentacles to play Stairway to Heaven in its entirety. The man is dumbfound...

Captain Flint and his crew of cutlass wielding marauders, set sail for Clew Bay, ready to take down the Filthy Five Hundred and collect upon their bounty.

Retrieving the heads of these skallywags will net him $1 per ear, and Captain Flint was ready to lay down his life for it. With $1000 he could buy an entire fleet with 50 men per ship. He'd be the most feared Pirate in the Atlantic!

After 2 days of fighting by sea and shore, Captain Flint an...

When I was younger I wanted to become a pirate!

Now I am a photographer, because every pirate has to own a Canon.

Why do pirates only have one type of weapon attached to their ship?

Because the other weapons are non-canon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Girlfriend said my dick shoots like a cannon.

A Canon 40mm pancake lens to be specific.

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Hark! Are those cannons I hear?

Charlie was an aspiring stage actor who was still waiting for his "big break." He rarely got called for an acting gig and was near the point of giving up on his dream.
Finally, one day, his agent called and said "Charlie! I've got good news! I got you a gig! It's a small part, only one lin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Pirate's Life

A pirate goes into a bar and sits down.
The bartender says:


"Wow, you look like you've had a long life. Tell me about it. How did you get your wooden leg?"


" Arrr.... me ship capsized and a shark bit me leg off. Then while loading a canon it blew me hand clean off".

...

Whenever someone it's the crazy idea to reinterpret the bible I'm like wow...

...loose canon.

Clowns are such incredible people

It seems like almost every day another one is canonized.

So I wrote some Chuck Norris jokes the other day...

The devil once sold his soul to Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't speak, he thinks loudly.

New Orleans didn't flood because of a hurricane. Chuck Norris did a canon ball into the Gulf of Mexico.

Chuck Norris once punched the Tower of Pisa.

Chuck Norris doesn't fart, beca...

The pope fired a priest from a cannon.

The priest got canonically punished

What do you call a camera that shoots out true facts about an ancient Phoenician city?

A Canon, Canaan-canon cannon...


(I'm not sorry...)

An Irishman is sick of people thinking he's stupid.

Because in England the Irish are stupid, Scottish tight fisted and the French smell. So he goes to have elocution lessons. Spends six weeks intensively saying 'how now brown cow' and 'Hark I hear the canons roar. Is it the king approaching.' And he cracks it.

The day after he finishes his cou...

Why was the Polaroid fanfiction ignored by the photography community?

Because it wasn't Canon.

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