UPJOKE
castleditchtrenchfosseforbidden citywaterbermwallsdrawbridgeenclosuregatehouseriverbankfortificationparapetspalisade

Moat Jokes

What do you call a moat with no water in it?

Moot.

Who is the moat popular guy in a nudist colony?

The one who can hold 12 doughnuts without any hands.

Who is the most popular woman?

The one who can eat the last doughnut

MOATS!, PORTCULLIS!, DRAWBRIDGE! ARMOURY! BATTLEMENTS! sorry for shouting, I have a condition that makes me shout out things you find in a castle..

It's called TURRETS!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We used to have a moat around our yard that the neighbors’ donkeys would always fall into when they came onto our property.

It was a real ass hole.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, a ridiculously bored King in a small town decided to have a contest and the winner would choose, either to marry his daughter, gold and riches... Or name anything that he desires.

Whomsoever jumps down the moat filled with crocodiles, swims to the sides and climbs back up unharmed shall win the contest and name his price.

The crowd gathered near the edge of the moat where the king shouted:

"Is anyone brave enough to entertain me?". And noone dared to respond.<...

Why was Sir Lancelot too tired to jump over the moat?

He didn't get a good knight's leap.


Wakka wakka!

A king held a contest for all the men in the kingdom and the winner would get his beautiful daughter as his bride.

However, he didn't say what type of contest it was but his daughter's beauty drew many brave contestants.

Once gathered in his castle, he revealed a large moat filled with an assortment of beasts.

"The first man to cross the moat will inherit all my riches as well as my daughter. Who a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The king was looking for a prince to marry his only daughter.

Naturally the king was very picky and decided to devise a set of tests only the bravest, storngest and most feirce would even dare.

Princes from all around the world showed up and the tests begun.
After a growling month where more then half didn't even survive, a clear winner came forward...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once there was a Scottish man named MacGregor. One day, MacGregor was talking to a young boy about legacies. This is what MacGregor said:

Now young man, make sure you leave a good legacy and don't make mistakes like I did.

You see that moat over there? I built that moat with my own two hands, but do they call me MacGregor the moat builder? No, they don't.

You see that bridge over the moat? I built that bridge with my ow...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was an angry ape

Ever since it lost his mate, he has been mean, throwing feces, and acting aggressive toward staff and visitors.

Into this, a young apprentice zookeeper was thrown. For some reason, George the ape was taken by him. Maybe it was his thick beard.

So the man was waiting for his boss in ...

I once had an uncle who fell off the roof of a castle.

He didn’t die, though. He got de-moat-ed.

I took the kids to the beach

So yesterday I decided to take the kids to the beach. Well after a while the kids decided they wanted to build a sand castle. My oldest was the natural leader of the group and was directing the others where to put the towers and such. Well the oldest self assigns the task of digging the moat around ...

The subject of a painting

Outside the castle, in front of two deep, dangerous troughs of water filled with piranhas and barracudas, the royal coterie of lupine dog-men assembles on two long tables, facing the masses on the other side of the water. The wolf-king raises his glass and gives a piercing howl, to which the rest of...

The curse of the coffin

Three men, Gary, Dan, and Job, grew up together as best friends. They dreamed of one day becoming rich and would do anything to attain wealth. One day, as they were sitting in the local bar, they overheard another group of men discussing the long lost buried treasure of Captain Sleazybeard. The thre...

An illiterate Father went camping with his highly educated Son...

As they walk through the wildness the son boasts about how being educated makes him appreciate nature, evolution, etc. To which the father just shrugs and continues along.

When they reach their camping site, they set-up their tent and fell asleep.

Unable to sleep properly, the father w...

The Bats' Competition

Three Bats were talking about who was the best at sucking blood. The first bat though he was the best, while the other two though they were the best, so they decided to have a competition to see who really was the best.

The bats had 30 minutes each to see who could get the most blood.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob goes to the zoo

One day, Bob decided to go to the zoo. When he got to the ape cage, he found himself looking at a big male ape, who was staring right back at him. When he scratched his head, so did the ape.

Noticing this, Bob decided to have some fun. So he started to scratch under his arms and jump aro...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Gorilla Whisperer

So one day, Bob was at the Zoo checking out the animals. While he was reading the sign on the Gorilla cage, he noticed some movement out of the corner oh his eye, and notice an Ape staring at him, and mimicking his movements.

So Bob decided to have a little fun, and started to dance a little...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.