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An English Lord of the Manor returned home early from his grouse shoot to find his wife having sex in bed with his best friend, the local MP.

‘How could you, Miranda?’ he cried. ‘After everything I’ve done for you. I’ve given you this beautiful house, I’ve always provided you with the most expensive clothes and jewels, I bought you a Ferrari for your birthday, I’ve tried to be a kind husband, and this is how you repay me!’

Hearing ...

The lady of the manor is out for a drive...

...and, in defiance of all probability and the manufacturer's promise, the Rolls-Royce grinds to a halt in the middle of nowhere. So the chauffeur gets out and, finding himself unable to call the RAC, decided he'd better see what he can do for himself.

After a while, milady gets out of the ca...

What was the burglar doing in Wayne Manor?

He was Robin.

The Lord of an 19th century English manor is having an affair with one of his chambermaids...

One day the chambermaid is giving him a blow-job when she hears the lady of the house approaching. She stops what she's doing and looks up at him. At that moment, he climaxes and manages to get some right in her eye.

It's messy and burning, she runs to the door, rubbing her face and tearing u...

Staying at a house that talks.

In a manor of speaking.

The Lord of the Manor

The Lord of the manor returned from his grouse hunt quite a bit earlier than expected. He entered the master bedroom to change, and found her Ladyship making passionate love to Sir Reginald Carpley. The irate Lord stood stiffly and loudly berated his wife for her infidelity.

With thunder in h...

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what a set up, for a dad joke. it's worth it tho

full disclosure, this isn't my joke, was sent to me


I knew a bloke who was a massive fan of tractors his whole life.

When he was a kid, he didn't have toy cars or posters of lambos on his bedroom wall, he had toy tractors and trailers and posters of the latest John Deeres.

...

I recently quit my job as a butler at a stately home.

I refuse to be ordered around in that manor.

Three young men walk into a bar and order a drink.

Three young men walk into a bar and order a drink. There is an older man sitting at a table in the corner who has clearly been drinking. He comes up to them and points to the man in the middle and says, "Hey you, I f***** your mom." He then goes back and sits down at his table.well the men are shock...

Where do aristocratic doctors live?

Bedside Manor

My friend won't shut up about his dilapidated mansions

He's got some real bad manors.

The curse of the coffin

Three men, Gary, Dan, and Job, grew up together as best friends. They dreamed of one day becoming rich and would do anything to attain wealth. One day, as they were sitting in the local bar, they overheard another group of men discussing the long lost buried treasure of Captain Sleazybeard. The thre...

A millionaire was frolicking around in his mansion childishly

His friend said, "For a rich guy, you don't have any manors."

I went to a mansion but everyone had bad ettiquette.

It was a Bad Manor

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A lawyer dies and goes to hell...

The devil pulls up his file on his computer and sighs “You’ve been a naughty boy haven’t you? Extortion, gambling, sex with prostitutes and even murder!”

The lawyer hangs his head in shame and the devil pats him lightly on the shoulder.

“I’m a fair guy, what I’m going to do is let you...

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The Singing Blowjob [NSFW]

So this man go to a massage parlor to get a back massage. After the massage, the masseuse offered him a singing blow job. Intrigued, the man accepts. So the masseuse turned off the lights and started giving him a blowjob. Shortly after beginning she starts singing, in a clear and coherent manor. The...

Nicola Sturgeon is visiting a hospital

And as she walks into one of the wards, a patient hails her with "Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face, Great chieftain o the puddin'-race!".

As she is blinking in surprise, another patient adds "Wee, sleekit, cowerin', timorous beastie, O what a panic's in thy breastie!"

And not to ...

Slave Driver

Old Joe was well off, he owned his own land, and on that land, a huge farmhouse.

The farmhouse was much too big for himself and his lady to upkeep, so he sort some help at the local slave market. He put them up in his converted barn, and paid them all a small allowance each day.

His go...

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The Special

Two buddies are out at a bar swapping stories and getting wasted.

Just as last call is signaled, one of them remarks to the other, "You know, Jon, its been a long time since I really gave it to a woman. I mean, just really let her have it, you know?" He pounded his fist into his palm lightly...

A man's home is his castle!

...in a manor of speaking

What do you call a clock tower somebody lives in?

A timely manor.

Why are rich people so concerned with etiquette?

Because they have a lot of manors.

What do you call houses who have good behavior?

Manors.

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