What do you call the award given to a feline with a nice rump?

A catastrophe

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A Mom brings her son to the doctor because of his diet

Mom: please help doctor. He’s such a picky eater!

Doctor: what are his favorite foods?

Mom: he only eats one thing: rump roast steak between two sesame buns

The doctor pauses to think then says, “Yes I’ve seen this before...sounds like Ass Burgers.”

Horse buying

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I hav...

The joke my great-grandpa told me about 15 years ago

A man kisses his wife goodnight and goes to sleep one day. After he wakes up, he notices an old man in white robes lying next to him instead of his wife.
- Who are you and why are you in my bed?! - he asks.
- This is not your bedroom. I am St Peter and you're in Heaven.
- What?! I'm d...

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Paddy drinking at the Irish pub

Patrick staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy.   He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step.   As he caught himself by grab...

Restaurant contest

Last weekend I went to one of those restaurants where you can see into the kitchen, it was at that weird time between lunch and dinner and the place was quite empty. I could see there was some kind of contest going on between some of the staff.

First I saw one of the waitresses hold up an inc...

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And that's how the fight started

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery
plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
_________________...

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A father and son go to buy a horse.

The dad looks over the horse, running his hand down the back of the horse, patting and rubbing its rump. The son asks "Dad, why do you touch its butt like that?" The dad, sensing a teachable moment says "Well, son, if I'm going to buy it, I want to make sure its healthy."

The boy thinks on t...

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what do you call a dinosaur with a big mouth, big ass and tiny hands?

T-Rump

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The leprechaun

A man got himself a wee bit too drunk on St Patrick's day and is stumbling towards home. As he comes up to his stoop he trips and goes flying headlong into the bushes. Much to his surprise he spies a leprechaun and managed to nab him by the neck. "I gotcha! Now show me to your pot o gold!" He slurre...

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A man faced with death will have his life spared if he can explain the song being visually represented by a flock of naked women.

The man is led to an empty concert hall where 8 naked women are being led in.

They were placed so that the first one was facing him, the second
with her back to him, the third facing him, the fourth with her back to him, the fifth facing him, and the last three with their backs to him....

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The world's greatest charades player

The world's greatest charade player brags that he can guess any charade.

A TV producer decides to use the charade player in a TV special. He issues a challenge offering the charade player a million dollars to guess a very hard charade on television. The charade player agrees.


Com...

Buying a Horse

A man is looking to buy a new horse and decides to take his 8 year old son with him to a horse show for fun. As they're walking around examining the horses, the boy sees his father running his hands all over the horses' body and slapping their rumps. Not understanding why he is doing this, the littl...

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Vernon Koekemoer

A British man on safari walks into a bar far out in the reaches of a game reserve in Southern Africa, he stays at the bar for a while shooting the shit with the bartender and drinking like a fish, he offer to buy the barkeep a round and since no one else is within 2km of their small oasis of liquor ...

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a guy was in the grocery store...

And after a while he saw a woman walking around, doing the most peculiar thing. She'd touch her head, grab both of her breasts, pat her crotch, then grab her own ass. The guy followed her quietly, and she continued her actions- head, breasts, crotch, ass. soon he approached her and asked what she wa...

Man and wife visit the super bull farm.

They are shown round the prize bulls. The manager shows them a great strapping beast.. this one is our gold medal bull he mates without fail every three days. The wife is impressed and nudges hubby.. nodding approvingly.
They move on and next the manager shows them the double gold medal bull. H...

I took my wife to our favourite restaurant..

The waiter took my order first.

"I'll have the rump stake, please, rare."

The waiter looked at me, puzzled and said "aren't you worried 'bout mad cow?"

I swung around and replied "Nah, she can order for herself"

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