Rump Jokes - 26 Hilarious Rump Jokes

Why will congress never impeach Trump?

Republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term.

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A Rooster With No Feathers on His Rump Walks into a Bar.....

Bartender: Can I help you?

Bird: I understand you have cocktails

What do you call the award given to a feline with a nice rump?

A catastrophe

Little Johnny attends a horse auction with his dad.

He watches as his father moves from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes Little Johnny asks, "Dad, why are you doing that?"

His father says, "I have to make sure that he's healthy and in good shape before I buy him."

And L...

How do you get Asperger’s?

Grind up a rump roast.

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Paddy staggered into his house after a night of drinking. He tip-toed up the stairs to avoid waking his wife Kathleen, but tripped & fell on his rump.

A whiskey bottle in each back pocket made the landing especially painful. He stifled a yell, pulled down his pants & looked into the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut & bleeding. Quietly he managed to find a box of Band-Aids and put one on each place he saw blood. The next mo...

A miller tells the king his daughter Edith can spin straw into gold.

So the king locks Edith in a room with straw and tells her she will die if she can not spin straw into gold. After awhile a small man appears to the crying miller’s daughter.

RUMPELSTILTSKIN: What saddens you young girl?

EDITH: My father’s big mouth has gotten me in quite the predicame...

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A band teacher is giving a quiz to her class where you have to guess the name of a famous song based on a clue.

She starts with the easy clues: "Comedian".

"The Entertainer!" one of the flute players says immediately.

Then the teacher goes to a slightly more difficult clue: "Metal container is able to".

"The Cancan!" a saxophone player responds instantly.

Pleased with the results s...

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I told my girlfriend that I wanted to eat ass tonight

She can make a mean rump roast.

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This one is a little different, but I still think it's funny.

Devil: Welcome to Hell! I hope you enjoy your stay.

Man: Enjoy...? WTF?!?!

Devil: Well, do you like alcohol?

Man: Sure!

Devil: Then you are going to love Mondays! All the liquor you can drink!

Man: Wow!

Devil: How about drugs? Do you like drugs?

Man: ...

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A Mom brings her son to the doctor because of his diet

Mom: please help doctor. He’s such a picky eater!

Doctor: what are his favorite foods?

Mom: he only eats one thing: rump roast steak between two sesame buns

The doctor pauses to think then says, “Yes I’ve seen this before...sounds like Ass Burgers.”

What is Jeffrey Toobin favorite hip hop song?

Rump Shaker : "All I want to do is zoom zoom and poom poom".

I took my wife to a restaurant

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started.....

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The world's greatest charades player

The world's greatest charade player brags that he can guess any charade.

A TV producer decides to use the charade player in a TV special. He issues a challenge offering the charade player a million dollars to guess a very hard charade on television. The charade player agrees.

Com...

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That's how the fight got started...

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered.

I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I ...

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Patton staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy.

He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiske...

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what do you call a dinosaur with a big mouth, big ass and tiny hands?

T-Rump

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A father and son go to buy a horse.

The dad looks over the horse, running his hand down the back of the horse, patting and rubbing its rump. The son asks "Dad, why do you touch its butt like that?" The dad, sensing a teachable moment says "Well, son, if I'm going to buy it, I want to make sure its healthy."

The boy thinks on t...

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What do gays and Donald Trump have in common?

They're fucking assholes.

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a guy was in the grocery store...

And after a while he saw a woman walking around, doing the most peculiar thing. She'd touch her head, grab both of her breasts, pat her crotch, then grab her own ass. The guy followed her quietly, and she continued her actions- head, breasts, crotch, ass. soon he approached her and asked what she wa...

Restaurant contest

Last weekend I went to one of those restaurants where you can see into the kitchen, it was at that weird time between lunch and dinner and the place was quite empty. I could see there was some kind of contest going on between some of the staff.

First I saw one of the waitresses hold up an inc...

The joke my great-grandpa told me about 15 years ago

A man kisses his wife goodnight and goes to sleep one day. After he wakes up, he notices an old man in white robes lying next to him instead of his wife.
- Who are you and why are you in my bed?! - he asks.
- This is not your bedroom. I am St Peter and you're in Heaven.
- What?! I'm d...

Buying a Horse

A man is looking to buy a new horse and decides to take his 8 year old son with him to a horse show for fun. As they're walking around examining the horses, the boy sees his father running his hands all over the horses' body and slapping their rumps. Not understanding why he is doing this, the littl...

Man and wife visit the super bull farm.

They are shown round the prize bulls. The manager shows them a great strapping beast.. this one is our gold medal bull he mates without fail every three days. The wife is impressed and nudges hubby.. nodding approvingly.
They move on and next the manager shows them the double gold medal bull. H...

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The leprechaun

A man got himself a wee bit too drunk on St Patrick's day and is stumbling towards home. As he comes up to his stoop he trips and goes flying headlong into the bushes. Much to his surprise he spies a leprechaun and managed to nab him by the neck. "I gotcha! Now show me to your pot o gold!" He slurre...

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Vernon Koekemoer

A British man on safari walks into a bar far out in the reaches of a game reserve in Southern Africa, he stays at the bar for a while shooting the shit with the bartender and drinking like a fish, he offer to buy the barkeep a round and since no one else is within 2km of their small oasis of liquor ...

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