Absolute Value Jokes

lol

Because only a Sith deals in absolutes.

^and ^it's ^non-differentiable ^at ^0

One day a math teacher decided that she wanted to follow her dreams of being a rapper, but she needed a stage name.

After a bit of thinking she finally settles on the name “Absolute Value”.

Why absolute value? Because she’s got the bars!

I was talking to my physics professor the other day, and some theoretical work he did with tachyons came up. A tachyon travels faster than light, and in order to use some of the math from special relativity, one had to define what he called "perplex numbers"--numbers with negative absolute value. He... read more

but all my ideas were derivative
and the punchline didn't add up.
Anyway, comedy has no absolute value.
Your jokes are sum of the best,
but minus not very funny
because I'm a perfect square.
I halve one, I guess...
but you're too obtuse to get it,
and trying to simplify it... read more

A school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, an ancient wooden device called a "slide-rule"  as well as a code device called an "abacus" that he claimed was a calculator.... read more