My son was walking shirtless showing his 6 pack abs proudly and said 'This didn't happen by accident'

I said ' if you ask your mother,she would tell a different answer' .

Why do all bodybuilders train their Abs?

It's practically oblique-atory

80% of girls like guys with six-pack abs.

80% of guys with six-pack abs don’t like girls.

What do you call a Snowman with six-pack abs?

What do you can a Snowman with six-pack abs?


An Abdominal Snowman.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"I just don't feel sexy after the pregnancy," complained my wife. "My stretch marks are the worst. You can't tell me those are attractive."

"Nonsense," I replied. "I've always wanted a partner with washboard abs!"
[OC]

Why is Jesus always shown with a 6 pack of abs?

Because he's cross fit.

I play hide and seek with my abs.

They are really good at it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Paul Simon, Art Garfunkel and Peter Fonda are hanging out towards the end of the Swinging Sixties...

*Easy Rider* has just come out, Simon and Garfunkel are about to release *Bridge Over Troubled Water*, and the three men are the epitome of counter-culture cool. They're all pretty stoned, and Paul Simon turns to Peter Fonda, and says, "Hey, Peter, you wanna see something really groovy?"

Pete...

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Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

I've been going to the gym for five years now and I still don't have abs.

It sucks being the cleaner.

I've got washboard abs.

But unfortunately there is a load of laundry sitting on the washboard.

Hey Jesus. How did you get abs and look so lean with muscular definition?

Jesus: Well basically a strict diet and CROSS FIT.

My abs are like young children when a new person visits their house

They’re there but nowhere to be seen

Have you ever noticed that Jesus on the cross always looks great, with amazing abs?

He was the original cross-fit.

My abs are like ghost

I can feel their presence but cannot see them

I have Abs

olutely wasted my gym membership.

My abs are like my girlfriend

I don't have a girlfriend

Why did the scientist have such strong abs?

Because he kept his Planck’s constant

What's the difference between my abs and my mother-in-law?

Unfortunately, I won't be seeing my abs over Christmas.

My abs are so perfect...

...that i keep them safe and sound under a protective layer of beer belly.

[Easter Joke] Q: What kind of exercise did Jesus do to get such good abs?

A: Crossfit

Have you heard about the new advanced ABS system developed by an Israeli company?

Allows any vehicle equipped with it to stop on a dime.

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The Old Lady and the Gentleman-for-Hire

The Old Lady and the Gentleman-for-Hire

A little old lady checked into a motel on her 70th birthday, but she was a bit lonely. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in the phone books for escorts and sensual massages."

She looked through the phone book, found a fu...

Car trouble

I've had the ABS function activated on my car for years, but my gut is as big as ever.

What do you call a rapper will killer abs?

6Pac

What do you call a person with normal abs in a universe full of fat people

Abnormal

I don't have a beer gut.

I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs

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Three guys are sitting at the bar

The bartender asks them, "What's the matter with you guys?"

The first guy says, "My wife's always complaining and nagging. She's always on my case about not buying her new clothes...but at least I get to see this prostitute every night. The sex is great and it's only a quarter per thrust."...

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I'm 17 and I like to write jokes in my spare time. Thought reddit might like to hear some.

I think blonde jokes are awful. I mean, the poor things don't even understand them.

So I got this pair of shoes that cost me an arm and a leg. Luckily, my mom still pays for everything.

Statistics have shown that 9 out of 11 people are offended by this joke.

I've yet to be dispr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(Long) Crashing Plane

The pilot comes on the intercom and announces "ladies and gentlemen we just lost our engines, we are going down, prepare to crash."

A woman jumps up screaming "I AM NOT READY TO DIE, I"M STILL A VIRGIN, SOMEONE MAKE A WOMAN OUT OF ME!

A good looking guy gets up, walks to her, and takes...

Loving beer and wanting abs is hard

So I had to cancel my gym membership due to conflict of interests

A man finds a mysterious ancient lamp...

The man dusts off the ancient lamp and out comes a genie!

The genie says to the man:

"you have awoken me from my slumber! I will grant you 3 wishes as a reward for finding me."

The man responds to the genie with great excitement

"Oh man thank you so much, I don't know whe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The husband really hates the cat so he decides to get rid of her

He grabs the cat, drives 5 blocks down the road and throws the cat out of the window of his car. Then he turns the car and drives home. 20 mins later the cat is back!

"Well, that wasn't far enough" thinks the man, grabs again the cat and drives 5 miles down the highway and then throws the cat...

What did the boy say to the -1 when it became a 1?

Nice abs!!!

As an engineer, avid exerciser, and new father I am very proud of myself.

Why does each Jedi have a fat stomach and saggy ass?

Only a Sith deals in abs n glutes

So a head rolls into a bar...

This guy only has a head. No neck, no torso, no limbs.

He gets helped up onto the bar and asks for whiskey on ice, with a bendy straw so he can drink, and the bartender obliges.

He starts talking with the bartender and the other guy at the bar, answering questions about how he lives wi...

I've got an anti-exercise routine where I lie on the couch all day

I call it abs-tinence

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat...

As he settled in, he glanced Up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took The seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”
She turned, sm...

Have you ever noticed how in shape Jesus looks on the cross?

Cause if you think his abs look shredded, then you should check out his back

How do programmers get a sixpack?

int[][] abs = new int[2][3]

A mechanical engineer, an electronics engineer and a software engineer where testing a new automobile..

Going down a hill the brakes started to fail. They careened down the hill at speed, screeching round the corners, narrowly missing cliff faces and sheer drops, and finally coming to a halt by steering up a grassy bank.



"Phew, that was close", said the electronics engineer, "I've got a...

Just did some crunches while hugging my cat

Just trying to get purrfect abs

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