80% of girls like guys with six-pack abs.

80% of guys with six-pack abs don’t like girls.

Have you ever noticed that Jesus on the cross always looks great, with amazing abs?

He was the original cross-fit.

My abs are like young children when a new person visits their house

They’re there but nowhere to be seen

My abs are like ghost

I can feel their presence but cannot see them

What do you call a Snowman with six-pack abs?

What do you can a Snowman with six-pack abs?


An Abdominal Snowman.

Why is crucified Jesus always depicted with six pack abs?

He did CrossFit.

People who truly love their 6 pack abs...

Will protect them with a layer of fat.

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Three guys are sitting at the bar

The bartender asks them, "What's the matter with you guys?"

The first guy says, "My wife's always complaining and nagging. She's always on my case about not buying her new clothes...but at least I get to see this prostitute every night. The sex is great and it's only a quarter per thrust."...

My abs are like my girlfriend

I don't have a girlfriend

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My Wife is missing.

Husband:

My wife is missing.

She went out yesterday and has not come home...



Sergeant at Police Station:

What is her height?



Husband:

Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.



Sergeant:

Weight?



Husb...

I have Abs

olutely wasted my gym membership.

I've got an anti-exercise routine where I lie on the couch all day

I call it abs-tinence

I've been going to the gym for five years now and I still don't have abs.

It sucks being the cleaner.

Why did the scientist have such strong abs?

Because he kept his Planck’s constant

How did Jesus get those sweet biblical abs?

Cross fit

What's the difference between my abs and my mother-in-law?

Unfortunately, I won't be seeing my abs over Christmas.

I've got washboard abs.

But unfortunately there is a load of laundry sitting on the washboard.

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(Long) Crashing Plane

The pilot comes on the intercom and announces "ladies and gentlemen we just lost our engines, we are going down, prepare to crash."

A woman jumps up screaming "I AM NOT READY TO DIE, I"M STILL A VIRGIN, SOMEONE MAKE A WOMAN OUT OF ME!

A good looking guy gets up, walks to her, and takes...

Why is Jesus always shown with a six pack of abs?

Because hes Cross fit.

Happy easter!

My abs are so perfect...

...that i keep them safe and sound under a protective layer of beer belly.

[Easter Joke] Q: What kind of exercise did Jesus do to get such good abs?

A: Crossfit

Have you heard about the new advanced ABS system developed by an Israeli company?

Allows any vehicle equipped with it to stop on a dime.

What do you call a rapper will killer abs?

6Pac

What do you call a person with normal abs in a universe full of fat people

Abnormal

Loving beer and wanting abs is hard

So I had to cancel my gym membership due to conflict of interests

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The husband really hates the cat so he decides to get rid of her

He grabs the cat, drives 5 blocks down the road and throws the cat out of the window of his car. Then he turns the car and drives home. 20 mins later the cat is back!

"Well, that wasn't far enough" thinks the man, grabs again the cat and drives 5 miles down the highway and then throws the cat...

A man finds a mysterious ancient lamp...

The man dusts off the ancient lamp and out comes a genie!

The genie says to the man:

"you have awoken me from my slumber! I will grant you 3 wishes as a reward for finding me."

The man responds to the genie with great excitement

"Oh man thank you so much, I don't know whe...

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In town and all alone!!!

Ethel checked into a motel on her 65th birthday. She was lonely and a little depressed at her advancing age. So she decided to risk an adventure. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages”.


She looked through the phone bo...

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I'm 17 and I like to write jokes in my spare time. Thought reddit might like to hear some.

I think blonde jokes are awful. I mean, the poor things don't even understand them.

So I got this pair of shoes that cost me an arm and a leg. Luckily, my mom still pays for everything.

Statistics have shown that 9 out of 11 people are offended by this joke.

I've yet to be dispr...

Have you ever noticed how in shape Jesus looks on the cross?

Cause if you think his abs look shredded, then you should check out his back

What did the boy say to the -1 when it became a 1?

Nice abs!!!

As an engineer, avid exerciser, and new father I am very proud of myself.

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I hate double standards.

A guy with 6 pack abs was shirtless yesterday and nobody gave a shit. But today, I was hot and decided to take my shirt off and people looked disgusted and I got the police called on me. All I did was let my tits hang out. Why is this a problem?

Why does each Jedi have a fat stomach and saggy ass?

Only a Sith deals in abs n glutes

So a head rolls into a bar...

This guy only has a head. No neck, no torso, no limbs.

He gets helped up onto the bar and asks for whiskey on ice, with a bendy straw so he can drink, and the bartender obliges.

He starts talking with the bartender and the other guy at the bar, answering questions about how he lives wi...

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A man boarded an airplane and took his seat...

As he settled in, he glanced Up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took The seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”
She turned, sm...

How do programmers get a sixpack?

int[][] abs = new int[2][3]

Just did some crunches while hugging my cat

Just trying to get purrfect abs

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A woman is traveling in an airplane..

All of a sudden the airplanes engine stalls. "The plane is going down. I repeat, the plane is going down!" The Pilot announces,

The woman starts to panic. "No! No! I can't die like this! I've been single for 15 years! I need a man to make me feel like a woman one last time!"

A very han...

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